Season Two - Episode Ten - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Ten: Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Ten: Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Government Office noise)

Episode 10

ALICE DYER

Well, of course. We’ve been listening in on you, Brent. What do you think we are? Amateurs?

No – and not just with Ashley either, though clearly that’s when you thought we were listening.

Well Brent, We’ve been tracking your contacts, especially with the knitting group.

Yes and it is really very obvious that they are not exactly a knitting group.

Oh we know. And we congratulate you on your new skill. My colleagues are particular fans of the cap you knitted.

But yes. We’re very aware of what actually ties that knitting group together and it is not yarn.

The problem is, Brent, the problem is – you’re involved with a very dangerous group of women.

They are a very dangerous group of women, Brent, and I’m certain you know how dangerous.

And I think, Brent, I think you may be responsible for making them even more dangerous than they were before.

From what we understand, Brent, this is a group of dragons and dragon supporters. And until they met up with you, they were just a group of nice ladies masquerading as a knitting society.

But there have been a series of incidents lately, Brent. A series of incidents that I think the law might hold YOU accountable for.

There’s a smoothie these girls have been drinking to keep their dragons in check and it would seem you encouraged them to stop. You, Mr. #FreeTheDragon may have hashtag freed more dragons than you planned on.

Well, Brent, I can’t share all the details with you – but I can tell you that I have an epic list of missing men and some reports of dragon sightings near the places they went missing. I’ve got some scorch marks that would not be naturally occurring. I don’t want to say those girls have been on a rampage – but it does have all the signs of a rampage.

And we have to assume, Brent, that this rampage is connected to this “knitting group” quote unquote.

No. Not yet Brent. There’s no solid evidence yet – so I cannot take you in just yet. But I am sure it is only a matter of time and it will not pleasant.

We only have the recordings of Fiona – so she’s our only suspect at the moment. But what we need, Brent, are the names of the other members of your group.

What do you mean you don’t think Fiona’s a dragon? She’s part of this group, isn’t she?

Ally, how?

Like you, how?

No, I know you’re not a dragon, Brent. That’s obvious.

Okay. Like support them. Help them out. Maybe with a Free the Dragon campaign. I see. And you’re saying she’s like you – just a friend to the dragons, not an actual dragon.

How do you know?

A vibe? Really. A vibe. Oh lord.

Like what? What did she say that makes you think she’s not a dragon?

Okay. What DIDN’T she say then?

What does apologizing have to do with anything?

Okay.

But if we take her in, we’ll know pretty quickly, won’t we?

Doesn’t matter. We want the whole ring, not just their leader.

She’s not?

Oh. Spokeswoman, then.

Just tell me who else is in the group, Brent. I don’t want to come back here with charges for you.

What do you mean, you don’t know? You hung out with those ladies all that time and you don’t know anyone’s name? Come on.

What are they doing, using code names?

Well – what were those?

What do you mean you don’t know? Brent. Come on.

I know you’re a man, Brent. I have been paying attention.

Careful, how?

But careful, how?

I mean, they must have trusted you enough to have you around.

Useful how.

Like a block? Like you’re running interference?

Listen. I don’t trust men either but I do tell them my name.

No I’m not a dragon.

Do you think every woman you meet is a dragon, Brent?

I’m plenty paranoid. I do not need to start assuming every woman I meet is a dragon.

We’re losing the thread here, Brent. I have a dragon rampage on my hands and I want answers.

You went to a convention. I don’t know, how you can expect me to believe you didn’t learn anyone’s name. Don’t these people use name tags like everyone at a convention?

I don’t understand why they would avoid names even with each other? That makes no sense. What power does a name have if you can breathe fire?

Granted. I see that. Yes. I want a name – therefore it has power. Yes. I see. But they’re not worried about me.

Doxing. That was the – uh…?

Sure. Oh yeah. That’s just having your cover blown. If you’re not doing bad stuff – or working for the government then it’s not really a big deal.

The most interesting stuff does not happen on the internet, believe it or not.

I understand power in numbers.

A million dragon hating dudes? But what would they do?

But are they credible threats?

Well, I can tell the difference very well.

I’m sure we have a cyber crime unit in operation.

No, we don’t protect dragons.

I see.

And that is why they don’t use each other’s names and you don’t know any of them.

I see. Sure.

You’re telling me you don’t know anyone’s name but Fiona’s, which is the only name any of you knows. So even if I tracked down Brenda or someone, she’d probably only know Fiona’s name, too?

Good god. This is going to be a really difficult crime syndicate to track down if what you’re saying is true.

I’ve got a nameless group of nice normal looking women out on these streets ready to terrorize any man they see.

Oh good lord, this is bad. This is very bad. And we can’t even blame this one on foreigners. Eep.

But we can blame you. Local dragon-o-phile convinces Dragon Coven to let loose and come out fighting.

What would you call it then?

Group? That’s not very evocative.

No – I know a coven is a group of witches. It’s hyperbole. Group of women witches, group of women dragons. Seems logical to me. They’re both magical creatures or whatever.

They’re not magical?

Okay mythical. Sure.

You don’t call that magic?

Okay. I’ll grant you that. Maybe magic is just science we don’t understand yet.

Anyway – I can take you in. I can hold you responsible if I can’t get my hands on the dragons. Maybe they’ll come for you.

You don’t think so? Some friends.

What sort of better things?

Revolution? I mean. Now you’re really talking trouble. Revolution! Like, they want to overthrow the government?

What do you mean order of things?

You’re making no sense, Brent. And you don’t seem too worried about getting taken in. Why is that, Brent? You think all your new fans will start a hashtag? Free the Dragon’s Boyfriend campaign? I don’t think that strategy will work twice.

Well, if that’s not it, what is it? If I were you, I’d be shaking in my boots about getting taken in for conspiracy.

No, I don’t suppose there would be anything you could do about it.

Yes, we do have the recordings. Plain as day – you suggesting the dragons stop drinking their anti-dragon juice. I think that’s pretty incriminating, Brent.

What do you mean?

Why wouldn’t they listen to you?

Well, you’ve run a pretty successful free the dragon campaign, I’d say that maybe earned you the right to be listened to.

Sure. Yes. You’re a man. So what?

Why wouldn’t they listen to a man?

I know they’re dragons, Brent. That’s why we’re having this conversation.

I’m not sure I understand what you mean by power.

Sure – I can handle a metaphor.

Okay – the dragons are sharks. Got it.

Okay. And you’re a minnow.

I don’t know what happens when a minnow tries to tell a group of sharks what to do.

Ha ha. Depends on how annoying the minnow is indeed. Very funny. How annoying are you, Brent?

Okay. Not annoying enough to get eaten. Sure.

You’re saying they wouldn’t pay you any mind – because you’re a minnow and they’re sharks.

That’s not really going to hold up in a court of law, Brent.

Oh I plan on asking them if I can find them. That’s why I’m still sitting here talking to you instead of hauling you in.

I think you do matter, Brent. I think a famous dragon’s boyfriend suggests to a group of dragons they stop drugging themselves, I think they might stop drugging themselves – which means you are directly responsible for the assumed deaths of quite a few men, Brent.

What do you mean, what did they do? It doesn’t matter what they did. They didn’t deserve to be eaten or burned to death.

Are you asking what they were wearing, Brent? If they were asking for it? I don’t care if they walked right up to those dragons and told them to eat them, they shouldn’t have been eaten.

There are not.

There are?

I don’t think these guys are those kind of guys, Brent. But again – it does not matter.

Well, I’m thinking accessory to murder or conspiracy.

Are you a lawyer, Brent?

No – just talking to someone isn’t a crime, you’re right about that. But I think if that someone is a dragon -

Fine. If that someone is a spokesperson for dragons, then it’s a different situation.

I mean. From your conversation with her, I might think she’s gone off the grid. Certainly, her phone is dead and she is nowhere to be found.

She’s a person of interest, for sure. And if we find she was at any of these immolations or consumptions, she will be in really big trouble. Or if she did it herself. Not that she’s a dragon, I know. The vibe.

You weren’t at any of these immolations or consumptions, were you, Brent?

Didn’t go along for a little dragon joy ride, did you?

No. I guess you don’t have a death wish, do you?

You never know what people are into.

A year ago you didn’t know you’d be into dragons, did you?

No one had dragons on their minds a year ago. Things change quickly, I guess.

Sure. You can ask me whatever. I may not answer – but you can ask.

Never really thought about it, honestly and I’m not sure we’ll have a choice about whether or not we want to live in this dragoning world. This is becoming the world whether we like it or not.

I think it would be so bad. I like a world with order in it. I like a world where people mostly behave themselves and the ones that don’t, get locked up.

That’s a world that makes sense to me. A world where animals decide who lives and dies? That’s not for me.

What are you talking about, justice? Sure – justice is complicated and the wheels of it grind slowly but we can’t solve our problems with teeth and fire, Brent. That’s no solution.

Tip the balance. Tip the balance. Come on. You are one weird dude.

No I cannot take you in for being a weird dude. Unfortunately.

If I had dragon powers? Like if I could breathe fire and eat people? I think I’d just sit around smugly thinking about all the people I could eat but wasn’t.

The real benefit of power is not having to use it.

That’s what they teach you in martial arts anyway. Because you CAN karate chop a man’s arm means you don’t. Because you can take a man down to the ground in a single move, you don’t. That’s the power of power.

Well that’s very clever, Brent. Very clever indeed. Because I can take you down to the station, I won’t.

Okay. But mostly because it would actually be of no benefit to anyone. I’m pretty sure you don’t know any more than I know. You don’t have names I don’t have. You haven’t had many conversations I haven’t heard. I take you in, I scare you a little bit but I generate paper work for me and very possibly another PR nightmare.

So you’re right. I don’t really want to take you in. But I reserve my right to. When The Dragoning starts in earnest and someone wants to blame me, I may just shift that blame right over to you. I mean, you will always be linked to our patient zero, as it were, so that will be easy enough. But no. I won’t take you in now. Not yet.

If you have information that can help us stave off that inevitable day, speak now.

I figured as much. Had to ask. Well, when this whole society grinds to a halt from fear of these things, I won’t thank you.

You’re right. We do have eyes on you. And Ashley. So do a lot of people.

Be careful, Brent. Be careful.

Sure I can smell something.

Yeah, so you’re scared, so what?

You think I’m smelling your fear, Brent? Don’t be ridiculous.

But dragons smell fear.

What do you mean I’m not nice enough to be a dragon? That’s not a nice thing to say.

I don’t fit the pattern because I’m not a dragon, Brent.

And you’re an expert all of a sudden?

I don’t know – sort of a savory marshmallowy sort of thing?

I’m not eating your fear, Brent. I’d know it if I was.

Why would I investigate myself?

I’m telling you to be careful, Brent. You don’t tell me.

You really think I might be a dragon, huh?

Well, that would be a real kick in the pants, wouldn’t it?

But I’d know, wouldn’t I?

You’re telling me there are dragons walking around who don’t know they’re dragons?

How could you eat someone and not know it?

No, I know you haven’t eaten anyone. And I haven’t either.

Right. To my knowledge. Ha.

Like – a split consciousness?

I would imagine it would be a lot for a brain to process – the transformation, the reptile brain, the change in the body.

Like getting black out drunk. Sure.

Man, that smell is getting stronger.  You don’t smell that?

Kind of a savory burnt marshmallow? No?

That’s your fear?

And you think I’m eating it.

I’m not, though. I don’t have a knife and fork.

No, I guess I do feel full.

No, I was starving half an hour ago.

Oh.

Oh.

No. Certainly you should run if you see a dragon. Certainly.

Okay. I accept your request. If I start to feel dragony, I will tell you to run.

You know, I don’t actually need you to explain this process to me. If I’m a dragon and I don’t accept that I am one – I can figure it out without your help, you know.

You wanna give me some advice? Some tips?

Actually – run!

(The sound of Alice pushing back her chair and transforming into a dragon. Footsteps running away. Mayhem in the office building.)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This was our final episode. Join our mailing list to get up to date with future shows.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Nine - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Nine: Fiona and Ashley

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Nine: Fiona and Ashley

(The music sputters out.)

(Door chime of a yarn shop)

Episode 9

FIONA

Thanks for meeting me here, Brent. I thought you might want to branch out on your yarn textures, too – now that you’re so good at crochet.

Oh yeah. Those are the super expensive ones. That is high end wool right there. You have good taste.

So – listen – the group was really not into the idea of you going public about your dragon girlfriend but the response in the public has been so good, even the naysayers have come around. I don’t think it’s going to do us anything but good.

Really? Why?

Sure – yeah – we all get a lot of kook calls. I’m sure they get them all the time.

What did they offer you?

I guess that’s something.

Where are you leaning?

I mean – I think they’re running scared. They wouldn’t bother trying to shake you down if there weren’t some value in you doing it.

Like, if it weren’t working – if it weren’t having an impact – they would not bother.

No. True. I bet they don’t mind about calls at all. But politicians do. And the ones in office will make the kinds of calls they can’t ignore as easily. I would take the temperature of the politicians in your district and feel out who might be in your corner. We’ll do some research, too.

I mean. We know some dragons in office. They may not be the best advocates for us – and you, though. They have too much to lose and they may not fight as hard as they could for dragons so as not to get outed. Sometimes it’s more important for us allies to do that kind of work.

I mean. Before there is any change, there has to be acceptance. The law follows the culture. No, seriously. A TV show is a great idea. Like – a really great idea. It doesn’t have to be a reality show.

Like, it doesn’t need to be real to make a change. A sitcom about life with a dragon might do just as well.

No. No. This campaign you’re on…it’s really going to help us, in the end, I think. Free one dragon, free them all. I mean the news from Dragon City is so dystopian for a lot of people here. We just hear about death and destruction. It’s so – like – yeah, what we needed was a love story out of Dragon City. Well done. I mean. You sold me. #FreeTheDragon, you know. I’ll buy a bumper sticker.

And previously, I’ve had to be relatively quiet about my support of the dragons.

I’ve had to be. Around here, until now, dragon support has been like…I don’t know. It would get you harassment and attacks. Now, I don’t know…like, I could wear a dragon t-shirt and I might get a thumbs up or an “I like your shirt” where before I’d just get glares and catcalls. That shift has happened so fast. I would never have imagined. It.

No, yeah, I do have a dragon t-shirt. Had it for years, long before the dragons emerged. I just liked dragons – I had no idea some of my best friends would become them. I used to wear that shirt all the time but I’d had to stop. So I’m grateful, you know. If only to put my favorite t-shirt back in rotation.

Yeah, it’s really soft and it hangs well. It’s just a really good shirt. You know how it is.

Yeah – so. We’re here for you if you need anything. And if you have to stop because of pressure from the government, let us know. Like, I say – it’s the politicians we need to appeal to at the moment. And there are allies there, for sure. You’re not alone in this. You don’t have to bear up under that pressure alone. Just…know that.

It probably feels like it’s just for Ashley and maybe you’re wondering if it’s worth it for a single girl/dragon that you don’t even know that well – but you should know it’s our community you’re fighting for, too. She’s not the only dragon here – even if the public only knows about a couple. There are a lot of us. I mean, I gave you some of those numbers. We do have bargaining power.

Yeah. I just thought you should know that. I know if it were me, I’d be tempted by someone offering me the choice between a big dream and possible trouble. Like. No one wants to be on the government’s shit list. I know. But you know – it’s not so bad. I speak from experience.

Oh yeah – well. I’m the public face of the Dragon Support Movement.

I’m a target.

No, it’s fine. We chose me on purpose for that.

We just knew my past was pretty clean and that the attacks would probably bounce off me in way that they might not the others. And I grew up living off the grid so I can always slip back into that life if I have to.

No? Move out into the woods and disappear for a while? It’s not that hard. And it’s kind of nice.

I don’t know. Just you and the wilderness, living close to nature in all its wildness and wonder. If you have a taste for it, it can give you a little sense of security to know you can always choose that way.

Honestly, I think you’re a little too into people to be able to handle the solitude. But I do know of a couple communities that fly under the radar. They might be right up your street.

Sure, I could take you there tomorrow if things got squirrely for you here.

No. I would. You’ve done so much for the movement already.

But listen, no, I’d rather you were here, making change the way you already are.

But just, as you roll along, if the government pressure gets too hot and you need to make an escape, you just let me know and we’re off. I’ll fetch you. And Ashley, if we can get her out.

I don’t know about the communities. I was there before the dragons manifested so I don’t know how that’s landed there. In my experience, they’re accepting of just about everyone so I imagine they’d be okay with her. You may just need to keep your distance, or she will – but that shouldn’t be too difficult. If there’s anyone who knows how to leave a person alone it’s the folks who’ve chosen to live off the grid. You say you don’t want to talk, they’ll nod and walk away. Most of them.

If I have to take you there, I’ll point out the ones that might be triggers for Ashley and you’ll just keep ‘em at a distance.

No, well, I’ve thought about it for a member of our community. I’ve got a lot of exit plans in case we end up with a Dragoning here and it doesn’t go well.

I can’t say whether the Dragoning in Dragon City went well or not. I mean – it went the only way it could have gone, you know? It was the first and nobody knew what was happening, not even the dragons.

It started here just a little bit later so our dragons knew what was happening and took quick steps to gain a little bit of control and anonymity.

Yeah – the smoothies were key.

Well – we have someone among us who suspected that this berry that’s been used in peace ceremonies for generations might quiet a dragon’s need to manifest.

Nah, it’s nothing magic, I don’t think. It’s just a bit like smoking a whole lot of weed, I suspect, so that the things that might fill you with the kind of rage or annoyance or whatever, just sort of cease to matter. It’s just like, getting a really big distance on someone or something.

Well, you know how it is from a plane – how the world below just looks tiny and inconsequential. You know there are problems down there but what do they have to with you?

Yeah, there are a lot of dragons who self medicate with weed, it’s true. The problem is that it’s hard to not seem stoned all the time. And if you’re a lawyer or whatever, you need to still be quick on the draw – you can’t be wading through the day like you’re at Woodstock.

Yeah – the berry just seems to target the rage response more than anything. I think of it as a perspective provider.

I hear you – I have mixed feelings about dampening the rage responses, too. Sometimes it’s called for. But how do you decide?

It’s very political. Of course.

Yep. You guessed it. There are deep divisions in the community on this topic for sure.

Most people drink the smoothies, really. It’s just – no one wants to be the dragon on the news who slaughtered the whole footie team or whatever. It’s just safer at the moment.

What an interesting perspective! Yeah – maybe we’ve been approaching this backwards. Certainly I like the idea of others having to worry about their safety instead of us. But look at what’s happened so far. The first public sighting of a dragon led to her imprisonment. It doesn’t feel very empowering, you know. These girls let loose just a little bit and the consequences could be catastrophic.

Yeah. No one’s afraid but us right now. It’s – a sort of funny contradiction. Here these ladies are – the most dangerous creatures on the planet - and they walk around afraid of discovery.

Starving? Oh, from the lack of fear.

Huh. Yeah. They probably are.

That’s true. Everyone did seem a bit more…peaceful after they spent some time with you. Thank you for feeding the dragons!

We’re lucky we found you.

No you did not. A bar? Get out of here. People actually still meet in bars? And what was she doing in a bar without one of our smoothies?

Control how?

Just like  – regular control control? Wow. That’s risky. You’re lucky you’re alive to tell the tale.

What do you mean? What’s the other half of it?

Oh. No. You can’t say, I know. But I’d wager she almost got you? Am I close?

Fear, huh? That explains why you give off so much of it, I guess.

No. It’s good. It’s so good. I mean like you say, our dragons are starving. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I mean we’ve just been trying to keep the peace. That’s all. Peace and control. But maybe that’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe we release the dragons.

I mean your one single dragon in lock up stops being so dang significant to the authorities if the streets are full of them. Am I right?

No. No. It’s something to think about, for sure. Something to think about.

We’ve all got something to think about I guess.

Those are your yarns of choice? Nice. Some of my favorites. That green is so soft, too. Let’s go up front and ask her which hooks you need. 

*

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of street traffic and a door opening.)

ASHLEY

You did it. You actually did it. Unreal. I am the luckiest dragon in the land. In all the land.

Ha. As far as they know I’m the only dragon in the land!

No. Sure, except for those other two they know about.

I can’t wait to see the country.

No sure. Yes. We do have to be under constant surveillance. Sure. Yes. That’s not ideal. For sure. But I’m Free! I can touch you! I can hug you! This is the best in the whole world.

Thank you. The dragon is free.

Well, the girl is. And the dragon may be underground for some time.

I’ll have to – um…get a smoothie asap.

I’ve missed – um – smoothies so much. I should probably have them lined up in the fridge.

No, really? You already got me some? That’s so sweet.

Oh! I’ll have to thank them. Who would have thought a knitting group would be so thoughtful!

What do you mean? Why would they slow down on drinking their smoothies?

Ohhhh. Yeah. To be…yeah. Free to just drink whatever you like. You have to take a little break from smoothies to know how they feel.

I mean. Right. Right.

Sorry. Had to hug you again. I can’t believe how much I have wanted to do that. I mean – the absence of touch. It’s – rough.

Those guys in there behaved like dragons were contagious. Like if they touched me, they’d turn dragon – or burst into flames.

I mean. I suppose if one of them touched me they might have burst into flames, true. Maybe not spontaneous combustion flames but flames, none the less.

Sorry. I’m a hugging monster now. No more dragon – I am now a hugging monster. Watch out!

She strikes again!

And again!

Oh, you don’t even want to know what will happen to you when the hugging monster gets you alone in a private space.

Oh, the destruction is going to be severe. You better believe it.

And she strikes again!

I can’t believe you got me out! I mean. You did it!

No – the hashtag did not get me out you did.

Oh. With the hashtag. Who knew that publicity would be the answer?

Sure. Yeah the publicity people would, for sure know.

Or at least they’d hope, I guess. They hoped publicity could save me – and it did! The dragon is free! Ish! Free-ish is better than no amount of free, that is all I can say for sure. To be even just a tiny bit free is better than no amount of free.

Argh! Here comes the hug monster!

No, no. I haven’t seen any of the shows I bet you were amazing. I mean – the results speak for themselves. You were amazing.

No really. I am so very lucky to have you. And grateful.

Good thing I didn’t eat you, huh? Boy would I be in trouble now if I’d done that!

No, no. My self control is OUT OF SIGHT now. My practice in there was so good, man. So good. I’m not even worried about the guys with the fire extinguisher and cattle prods who will be following us everywhere from now on. They will have no reason to use any of their tools.

Yeah, they’re behind us to the left.

God, don’t look at them! Goodness gracious. We’re going to have to work on your self-control as well, it would seem.

Well, they’re probably not much to look at. I haven’t looked at them myself.

Oh – uh – I

Yeah (sniff)

Guys like that are very distinctive.

Might be tasty on the inside but that’s a lot of gear to chew through and most dragons wouldn’t bother with all that.

Oh no – they’re very torchable. Very very torchable.

Oh, probably they do have fireproof gear. It’s not likely to save them, though.

No, they tried that back home – but – it’s a little bit ugly. I don’t really like to think about it. Let’s talk about something nicer! Is our friend from the Silver Pitcher still here? How is he doing?

I’d like to get a drink with him sometime, if it doesn’t compromise his position.

I imagine it might be risky. And not everybody can handle Smokey and the Bandit back there.

No. I have no idea what the references either. It’s something my brother used to call any shady looking characters back in the day.

I mean – have you ever seen a more likely Smokey and the Bandit than those two?

I mean, you saw them, I didn’t. But I can imagine.

Let’s get on out of here.

This hug monster needs to get all her hugs out on you, stat. Let Smokey and the Bandit roll how they may.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Emily Hartford as Ashley.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Eight - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a TV studio in full bustle)

Episode 8

AMANDA

Brent! You were amazing. You were built for TV. My office has already texted me twenty times raving about you and expressing their total jealousy that I snapped you up as my client before they could.

We are going to get Ashley out, I fully believe it. You’ve got the magic touch.

Oh, yeah. I will be getting a promotion at my office, no doubt. They love a self starter over there. But I have a dream client so…

No. Really. It’s impossible to kick off something this ambitious without someone who’s really onboard and has the skill to work the media. And you can work the media, Brent. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?

Do you need anything? How’re you doing after all that? You feel good?

You absolutely should.

Good. So We’re going to hit a few more shows while we’re here in this building.

They’ll space out their airing of course – and we’ll want it to seem like different days, which is why I had you bring those changes of clothes. We can’t have you making the rounds in the same shirt – that is a big faux pas.

No, no. You’re doing so well. You’ve got our three points down and you’re a natural. I do not want to tell you even one more thing. You’ve just got to let your instinct be your guide out there.

Listen buddy, you’re charming and all you gotta do is charm whomever you’re talking to and slide in some stories about your charming girlfriend and let them know what a sweetheart she is.

That’s what you’re already doing and literally all we need to do is give you the space to keep doing that.

Oh don’t worry about telling the same stories. These shows all have different audiences and even if someone were to see all of them, they’re going to be used to hearing similar stories in all those different spots.

Do you WATCH TV Brent? Ever see a celebrity make the talk show rounds? They’re telling the same stories over and over, too. But listen – if you’ve got more in you – by all means share them. There’s nothing that would help us more than having one of those stories catch fire on the internet. If you happen to hit on one that strikes the public…all the better. Can we guarantee such a thing? Nope. But if we expand out – sure – we get more chances you’ll hit on one that’ll fly. Wait -  can dragons fly?

No, right. Of course not.

Flying might be scary for the people in the end anyway.

So yeah. Just – let your instincts guide you. Instinct. Instinct. Instinct.

No – you know what’s nuts, Brent? The more you seem like the World’s Greatest Boyfriend, the more ladies will like you and want you to be their boyfriend – even though it’s obvious you’re taken. It is the gloriously weird boyfriend’s law.

Oh, yes. Boyfriend’s law. Make your client the perfect boyfriend then all the ladies will want him for a boyfriend. It’s a thing. A weird thing. But a thing.

I mean – didn’t you ever find someone more attractive when they were taken? Like, you weren’t into them and then they started going out with someone else and you were like…hmmmm. How did I miss that before?

It’s a little bit that – and also – so many men are such junk that when ladies see one who treats his lady well, they cannot help but find him immensely attractive.

It’s a great selling point for us. Because part of our story here is you and how you’ve got this great girlfriend who just happens to be a dragon and the more charming you are, the more charming they’re bound to find her. I mean, you chose her – so she must be great.

No. No. Honestly – no. It almost never works like that with women. Men will be jealous like that – women are unlikely to want to pursue vengeance against woman because they like her man. It’s not usually how this dynamic works.

And listen – don’t worry about that brunch with your ex. Paul explained that he set you guys up to do that for him so he could get closer to me. So I know what was going on there – so I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend or anything.

No, yeah, he’s sweet. I appreciate the lengths he went to.

Good. Good. So. We’re headed up to the 11th floor now. We’ll have you change when we get to their dressing room for you. And just do as you did for this last one. You’ll be amazing. Again. 11th floor, here we come!

*

(Dragon roars)

(Bar stool being pulled out. Drinks set down. Sports bar sound)

*

PAUL

That was you – on the TV. You got yourself on TV! Or, I guess, technically, my new girlfriend got you on the TV

She’s great, huh? What a dazzler. Thanks for being her client, man. It’s really helping her out. And she’s on a real high – which benefits me, too, you know. So. #FreeTheDragon all the way.

But why didn’t you tell me you were still seeing the dragon?

Sorry – Ashley.

No – I get it. I get it. Gotta keep the girlfriend safe. Makes sense.

I’m glad to know now, though. Along with everyone else in the country. Maybe even the world.

No, man. It’s just that my new girlfriend, who we BOTH just met, knew your business before I did. Like – long before.

No. No. I know. I know. Sorry man.

I think I like this girl now and it’s making me very sensitive, you know?

Wait, what? Keeping me safe? Why would I need to be kept safe?

From your girlfriend?

Oh, because she’s a dragon, right.

I’m not afraid.

What do you mean that’s why you have to protect me?

Because what?

Oh, because I’m not afraid.

And I should be. I see.

Well man, I don’t really know what fear is – at least not since I was a little kid and afraid of the dark. I mean – that’s why I do all those stunts – like the sky diving and bungee jumping and everything – so I can really feel some classic fear.

I’m not, like, afraid of those things, though, I just get an amazing dose of adrenaline.

You’re saying that’s a liability with the dragons.

A big one? How?

Having no fear makes a dragon hungry. Huh. Okay. Very weird – but okay.

I mean – you should know. You’ve been to Dragon City. You’ve got yourself a dragon girlfriend. You’re the expert here.

No. No. It’s fine, man. You do the traveling, you get the info – that’s how it works. But this fear idea sounds a little cuckoo to me.

What do they do, smell fear?

Like a dog?

No. It smells good to them?

What other ways?

What sort of vibe?

Like a sixth sense or some shit?

Right. Okay.

What do you mean?

Like – okay. Late at night. I’m behind some chick.

I guess? Like – why would she be scared of me? I’m a nice guy.

She’s gotta give me a chance.

Don’t Oh Paul Me.

Boy – fresh converts are always the worst, aren’t they?

Just – so zealous.

No, dude. I don’t know why you said, “Oh, Paul.” Clue me in, O wise one.

Man. I don’t want feminism 101.

That’s not for me. Just tell me what you meant.

That’s funny because you know I really do like sharks.

No – they won’t all eat you. Most of them wouldn’t, actually.

No man, I’d paddle away, stat. Get in the water with a shark? Not without an extensive evaluation of risks – until I knew EXACTLY what kind of shark it was.

Men are like sharks to women? Huh?

Some women do like sharks. Not a lot – but some do.

I know what a metaphor is. I’m not an idiot.

Okay. Okay. A woman sees me coming up behind her on a dark street, she just has to assume I’m a shark.

Right. And she won’t know I’m not a man eating shark without extensive evaluation – which she absolutely has no time or interest in late at night.

I guess that makes sense, in a way, but most men aren’t sharks, dude, you know that.

Well yeah – not to us. Not to anyone. They’re not sharks. I’m not a shark. You’re not a shark.

Metaphor. Metaphor. Okay. Right. All men are sharks but not all men are the man-eating kind but women can’t tell the difference from the outset – so they have to assume we’re all man-eaters.

Now don’t go introducing a complication – what do you mean some of them develop an instinct?

Oh, lord. Yes, of course – my buddy Steve – my women friends are always telling me to leave him at home. He’s perfectly nice but they’re always like, “I don’t know, Paul, I just get a bad feeling about him.”

Well, he’s never done anything to me.

No, I guess you’re right. He wouldn’t, would he? Sharks only eat women.

Fine. Fine. I get it. Can we talk about the footie now?

No, I didn’t see that game either. Hell – what’s happened to us, Brent? Who have we become?

Nah. Nah. I’m cool. We’re cool. It’s all cool, dude.

Let’s hit that ping pong table downstairs.

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of car in motion. A  computer voice says “Incoming call from Alice Dwyer”)

ALICE

Well, Brent – you’re really in it now, huh? Just jumping into the ocean with all your feet.

There’s no law against the sort of thing you’re up to. Not yet anyway. You can say what you like, go where you like.

No. You’re right. My bosses do not like it. We like to keep things quiet and what you’re up to is not very quiet Brent.

And they’re not too keen on you trying to free the prisoner – but it’s not against the law.

We can’t stop you, Brent. We might like to. We might want to. You’re making things sticky for us and it’s not easy for anyone now. The phone calls we’re getting, Brent. The phone calls. I don’t know if you’ve ever been the target for a PR campaign but it’s not pleasant, Brent. We get a lot of cuckoos who somehow find our numbers. And cuckoos who want to free dragons are a whole new brand of cuckoo that we’re seeing.

Is there any way we could convince you to leave off this campaign?

You know we can’t do that, Brent.

There are a lot of reasons.

Number one would be the international incident that would surely happen.

You don’t think so?

You think a dragon can just walk around free in this country without causing an international incident?

You’re right. Granted. We have already had an international incident. We’re just trying to avoid another one, Brent. One was plenty and this is a damn mess already. But she gets released? Oh we’ve got an even bigger one.

Listen. We can make things go well for you or we can make them go badly.

No. Not a threat. Just a statement of fact. You want a TV show? Is that what this is about? We have a lot of people who would like a recommendation from us, you know.

So if a TV show is what you’re after here…we can do that.

I appreciate you want to free your girlfriend. I’m sure I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes. But – you have to know that this is going to fail either way and it can either fail now and you can get something you want or it can fail later after you’ve been chewed up and digested by the media. It’s really up to you what you prefer.

You think we don’t get a lot of calls from kooks in other circumstances? We get calls from kooks every day all day no matter what the season. This sort of thing just sort of changes the context.

You could. You could see this conversation as evidence your little campaign is working. Or you could see it as a friendly hand to a drowning man.

I mean. Did you think we wouldn’t notice? We are watching you, Brent. We’ve been watching you. We decided not to prosecute you but we could change our minds. We’ve got heat, Brent, and we could turn it up. I’m just keeping you up to date.

No. We don’t love the media, Brent. Not most of the time. On occasion, they can help us out with this or that – but for the most part it’s a real nuisance.

You know, the extra phone calls and such.

No, you’re right. I personally never hear those calls. Our screener plays us recordings of the kookiest – just for fun – but I don’t personally answer the phone.

No, like I say, we’re not lacking for kook calls any time of year. It’s not heat on us. I personally do not care what you do.

Well, you may find that there are politicians who DO care what you do – because they DO care what the kooks say when they call their offices. And those folks – well…let’s say their ethics are not always in line with ours. You know?

Nope. Just the facts. Just the facts. I don’t want to see you get hurt just because you want to get your girlfriend out of confinement. I’ve taken a little shine to you, sure. You’ve helped us out. You gave us some perspective on what may be coming for us here. I want what’s best for you. I sympathize. And I worry.

Right. So. Have a think about it. You know how to reach me if you need a hand in extracting yourself.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda, Conrad Le Bron as Paul and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Seven - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Seven: Ashley and Fiona

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Seven: Ashley and Fiona

(The music sputters out.)

(Prison cell buzzes open)

Episode 7

ASHLEY

Wow. Hi. This is becoming, like, a regular thing. How nice to see you.

Okay. News. Great. Hit me with the news.

Wait. What?

So she’s saying if we hire her, she can get a publicity campaign going that might get me out of this place?

Sure. Yeah. Of course – there’d be no guarantees. I could just walk around out there free? Gosh.

I mean. Yeah. Public pressure is a powerful force.

But it could backfire, couldn’t it?

Like, I don’t know, some dragon hate groups could form up and start pushing for execution or something.

Right. I guess this is why this is not an obvious solution.

Really? Back home, too? Right. So if we’re both already known, it might actually make sense to take control of the narrative.

I mean – until the hashtag works and the dragon is actually free, you’d have to be out there on your own. How do you feel about that?

Me? I trust you with my life. I mean. I already have trusted you with my life – so I have actual evidence that you have my back in a big way.

Well – at the moment, I can’t get out to speak for myself – so you speaking for me is the next best thing.

I think that the fact that you’re a man will help us, actually.

Well – just that they’ll trust you more.

I mean – The Dragoning hasn’t even happened here – not like back home. I mean – there’s a dragon in the country. C’est moi. And they told me two others let loose with some fire recently so they know dragons are coming.  And – uh….if the rumors are true then there’s a whole bunch of hometown dragons here already but just super chilled out. But that’s not really The Dragoning, is it? That’s just some dragons in a place.

Until folks really take on board that any woman they see might be a dragon, The Dragoning is still to come.

Yeah, to me, The Dragoning wasn’t so much the moment when women became dragons, it was the moment when we all realized we were living in a world where any woman could be a dragon that the whole city turned upside down. It’s when men stopped going out at night. It’s when they started buying their groceries from all male delivery services. It’s when women started going running late at night. It’s when the fear tipped from the hearts of women into men. That’s The Dragoning. Not ladies who spit fire occasionally.

Right. Sorry. That’s what I was trying to explain. It’s that even before The Dragoning, people believed men more than women. They thought they were more trustworthy.

So you go on TV and explain that I’m actually a human person and not an indiscriminate beast, and people will believe you. Whereas if I went on – they’d think I was a liar – even if I wasn’t a dragon.

No, yeah. Women, too. We’ve all been drinking the same Kool-Aid our whole lives – men, women. Women trust women just as little as men do.

No, no, obviously not all women.

I don’t know. We talked about it in my DA meetings but it’s like…I guess all of us learn to be skeptical about what women say and just tend to assume men know what they’re talking about.

Like, well, there was some statistic, some study, where people trusted a news reading man more than a news reading woman by some weirdly huge margin. Some women make it past the exception bar – but – when given a choice – the majority will trust the information out of the man’s mouth first.

I mean. I don’t know. How will dragonhood impact that? Will we be believed any more now that we can roast our enemies? I wouldn’t think so. But maybe it will matter less because the fear is so extreme.

Like – women have generally feared men all this time but that didn’t stop the majority from trusting them anyway. So I’m thinking there may be some weird push/pull relationship between fear and trust.

Like, do we trust our fear and therefore trust that which we fear?

Ha! Ha! Yeah, that’s me – Ashley the Philosopher. Just give me a PhD now.

Just hanging out behind glass thinking great thoughts. That’s me. It’s a hard job but someone had to do it.

Yeah. I think we should. Yes. I’ll sign whatever paperwork if they’ll let it through – though I’m skeptical that they’d let it through. I mean – they really want to control the narrative themselves – they just can’t decide what they want that to be.

Maybe what we need to do is have you go out solo – do your magic – and I can sign whatever and join you once your magic has done its thing.

Ha. Yeah. They probably will think you’re actually magic.

Yes. Because you ARE! Shhhhh. We can’t reveal your secret magic powers in here, they’ll seize you, too!

No – you’re right. These people are so credulous, they will probably take you in just on the off chance that we weren’t joking around.

I guess once you have to accept the existence of dragons, it all becomes possible.

No – you’re right. Dragons aren’t magic. There’s a science to it, we just don’t understand it yet.

But yeah. I wish there were magic, too – and that you had some of it. What would you do with magic if you had it?

Awww. Thanks. I’d free you, too. Oh wait. That’s silly. You’re not locked up! But if you were and I had magic, I would free you.

And what else?

You can use your magic for whatever you want. Isn’t that the point of it?

Oh yeah. I mean – sure – would you use it for yourself or for the greater good? That’s a good question.

Oh, me? I’d want to use it for the greater good but I’d actually just use it for myself and feel really guilty about it.

See – we do have stuff in common! So what magic would you do for yourself?

Flying is always a fun choice. I’d like to fly, too.

No – I’m not a flying dragon. None of us are.

Yeah but you’ve seen those wings; they’re not really flight worthy. They’re sort of like, decorative. And they’re expressive.

No, actually. They do do more than that, you’re right.

They act like a sort of ventilation system.

Well, you put a lot of fire in a place, there’s going to be smoke and the way smoke is, it pretty much goes wherever it wants – so if you don’t want a face full of smoke, you flap those wings and it’ll tend to waft in the other direction.

I know from experience, yes.

Is that weird to hear? I’m sorry. It’s just – you’re curious, I like to share and my defenses are down with you so I sometimes don’t stop to think how some facts might impact you.

Right. And then I immediately DO think about how it might impact you and then I worry. That’s the cycle.

Okay good. Good. That’s good to know.

Right. You WANT to know things. You get a kick out of new information.

Is that why you like to travel so much, do you think?

Yeah. It is hard to know why any of us like the stuff we like. I couldn’t even begin to explain to you why I like Busby Berkely musicals so much, I just do.

No, there’s nothing I’m really afraid to tell you.

Sure – just, like, stuff I protect you from.

I would. But I don’t really want to share with our overlords if you know what I mean. Eventually, we’ll get all the secrets out and there’ll be nothing left to be curious about!

No, no, of course I am endlessly fascinating. Of course. I am a font of fascination.

Really? Who?

The doorman at your hotel…oh! Wow. I did not even put that together! I still think of him as the guy who worked in the missing person’s department. I didn’t even, for a second, think about his current day job.

Former! Really.

What’s he doing now? Did he quit school? What’s happening?

Oh. I see. Right – sure. A private gig related to his school work. Cool. Cool.

That’s awesome. Man – dreams can come true, I guess. Not mine, obviously – but some do!

No. No. I will not mope. My dreams were likely tanked before I ever set foot in this place so I cannot fall into a hole of despair.

No. I do have to work really hard not to sink into total discouragement in here, it’s true. It’s not, like…uplifting in here, you know?

Well – the good news is that I get a lot of practice at not dragoning out.

Because it is NOT dragon friendly in here. If I dragon up – I end up pressed into walls and furniture and it is not comfortable.

Not at all. So I try to control it and I’m successful a lot of the time.

No, what’s funny is – a lot of the guys they bring in here… they WANT them to trigger me but when they try to trigger me, I just find it hilarious. It’s the unintentional asshole-ness that can trip me up. But otherwise – I’m getting good.

It’s not how I would have chosen to practice but I’m trying to look on the bright side.

Right! Like those guys in prisons who get super jacked up and strong because they’ve got nothing to do but work out. I’m, like, dragon jacked up. I guess.

No – because ultimately I would like to be able to control it. Like – dragoning out in a café is not a great way to win friends and influence people. Though certainly, I quickly influence them to be afraid of me – which is sort of fun in a weird way – but we’re not going to hang out after that. After that, they’re going to run and while I might enjoy getting to drink my coffee without some asshole horning in on my space, I’m not sure my favorite cafes would stay open if I ate one of their customers.

No, no, entirely hypothetically, of course, of course.

I’m just saying – if I could figure out how to check the transformation before it starts, I’d be back in the driver’s seat in a way that I would appreciate. For a lot of reasons.

Honestly, it’s probably more dangerous in places that aren’t Dragon City.

Exactly. Because of the fear.

Right. They’ve learned to be afraid there – whereas here – the balance has not yet shifted and all the douchebags all still think they’re somehow immune because they’ve been immune to all previous challenges – if they were even aware of the challenges in the first place.

I don’t know. I think of this sort of shitty event that happened in my home state a few years ago. All these guys were like, “I’d like to see them try that here.” As if they would be parading the streets with baseball bats or something.

And when The Dragoning first started – there was a lot of posturing. Just, like, so much. “I’d like to see some dragon try and eat me.” Sort of stuff. And this may be uncouth to say – but most of those guys got their wish. They did see some dragon try to eat them. And succeeded, too. And that’s the thing they saw. Anyway – I thinks this country is still in the “I’d like to see them try to eat me” mode.

Right. Guys in Dragon City know better than to tempt the fates like that.

But. Even so. I’m getting so much control now – I think I could go to a mall and not cause another international incident.

If only they would let me out to try.

Well – it’s good news for us, too. You and me.

Yeah. Because the more control I have, the safer you are with me. So these guys are doing me a favor. A shitty favor. A favor I’d prefer another way of receiving – like at a class or something instead…but still. A favor.

Or maybe it’s just a freaking silver lining.

Positive Thinking Dragon! Pollyanna Dragon! Blue Skies Dragon!

I try. I try. I really do try.

I mean, yeah, that sort of thing does come naturally to me but I also have to work at it in circumstances like this, you know? It’s not like I actually think being locked up is great.

But – it is better than being dead – which I might have been at home – were it not for some very heroic people.

See? I can do it. I can stay cheerful. No problem.

Bright Side Dragon. Always Sunny Ashley.

(Sound of cell opening)

No. You’re right. It does suck in here. I wish I were out. And maybe I will be soon.

Go forth with my blessings. Hashtag Free the Dragon.

Thank you.

(Banging)

No, he’s going. Thank you, officer. We see you.

Thank you.

And thank you.

*

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of ice in a glass. The patio.)

FIONA

Thank you again for your help at the convention. It ended up being a real lark of a night and you really managed those sales group guys in the lobby.

Well – we were worried at first when they started off making fun of you. Like, would that put  you off your game, your task…but, it was like judo what you did. You took the way they were making fun of you and turned it around on them. And you got them to try knitting! I swear, if we hadn’t had important things to figure out, we could have watched you distracting those guys all night.

No, yeah, we did. Thank you. We’re going to roll out our plan very soon. Now what do you want to talk to me about?

Oh. Interesting. Self reporting? To the government? It seems risky.

Okay. Right. Just a couple of locations. Un-confirmed data, no identity.

Sure – yeah. The thing is – and I can see why this might be useful to explore – a lot of the dragons are having to work a little harder to keep things in check, as it were. So – like, preventing discrimination against us and preventing a lot of needless death would be pretty good.

I guess we’re wondering, can we have a dragoning without the loss of so much life? So far, we’re doing pretty well and before they start locking local dragons up, they should know that we’re actually managing things pretty well.

Sure – yeah. I’ll take it to the council – see what they say.

Sure – what else?

Oh huh. Interesting.

Free the dragon campaign.

I mean. We did discuss having a PR person ourselves. It is, essentially, a PR problem, I suppose. How to ready the public for the dragons’ presence.

If we can turn things around for Ashley – who everyone already knows is a man-eating liability, the rest of the dragons are in a much more secure position. She’ll be like our advance man.

Right – I guess technically you’re the advance man for her and that ultimately might help the rest. Or it could backfire. We don’t know.

Well, it’s tricky – because we don’t want a mess like Dragon City ended up with – but at the same time, we’re not uninterested in some of the changes in circumstances they have there.

I mean – they turned the world upside down. There are a lot of us who are very interested in that upside down world. Could dragons rule this city? Could women? How about this country? I don’t know if we stand a chance if we don’t set a lot of things on fire first. So one of the big debates among the dragons here is – can we have a peaceful hand-off? A smooth change. A frictionless transition. A lot of the dragons say no – that nothing will really change without a fight while the others want to control themselves and adapt the world slowly.

It’s the age old feminist struggle, really – you’ve got the radicals and the liberals. They both want change but some want it fast and some want it slow.

No? Well it’s not always clear. I always thought of myself as a slow change liberal feminist, happy to make incremental shifts – but then I woke up one day ready to burn it all down. Life takes you to funny places. I guess you know that better than a lot of people.

Yeah – so. I’ll talk to the committee and see what they say. But just – you know – we know you’re not beholden to us. You’re a friend of the dragons, like me – but your strategy has to serve you first. And if we don’t agree – we – well – it’s just a thing where we don’t all agree all the time.

I just feel like it’s important that you know that, that you recognize your own agency in this situation, because you are one person. Or maybe one person and one dragon, depending  -  and we are a lot more than that. You’re nimble in a way that an organization like ours can never be. I wouldn’t want you to not take advantage of that nimbleness. Yeah. You don’t need our approval. Remember that – in case you don’t get it.

I mean, even Ashley is not part of our organization. She’s our guest. We welcome her with us as an honorary member – but ultimately if she’s part of any group, it isn’t us. So you two need to do what you have to do to look after the two of you. I’m not saying we don’t have your best interests at heart – but we do have competing strategies and competing ideologies. So…I just think it may be important for you to keep that in mind.

Yeah. Sure. It’s my pleasure.

And thank you again for your help with the conference. It made a big difference. And it is good for a lot of the dragons to see a man being helpful and supportive of our cause.

No, because there are many in the group who see no point in men whatsoever. Some don’t see why anyone ever bothered. Some were metaphorically burned by some man or two or three or four. Some are just tired. But they’re all part of a subgroup that really doesn’t see the point of men.

Oh, they joke – you know, “I’ve got one of those sticky pads that open jars for me. Why would I keep a man around?”

You don’t know those? They give them out at conferences and that – just, like a rubbery thing about the size of a cocktail napkin that you put over a jar lid to help you open it.

Oh because they print stuff on them – like the name of your company or organization. You could put a hashtag on it, I’d guess, yes. You can print whatever you like.

#FreeTheDragon jar openers. I’m into it. Sell ‘em or give ‘em away at events.

It’d cost you, I’m sure. It’s not cheap to have stuff made. But it might help, who knows.

Oh and the Knitting Orchids – the arm of it that does a lot of actual knitting, are meeting at a bar this weekend. They asked me to let you know you’re invited. Could be a little bit of a lark.

No, it’s not in an official capacity. I mean, of course it couldn’t hurt – but they thought you were getting the hang of it so you might enjoy a knitting gathering – especially knowing that you’ve taught all those guys.

Yeah, I’ll send you the details. We’ll check back in about PR and everything – but I think we’re all clear.

Thanks, Brent. See you soon.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley and Mischa Ipp as Fiona.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Six - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Six: Amanda and Willie

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Six: Amanda and Willie

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a wine bar. Some atmospheric jazz in the background. A wine glass on the table.)

Episode 6

AMANDA

I was delighted to get your call. And also a little bit surprised. You seemed pretty dead set against the idea before. What changed your mind?

Ah. Yes – I suppose it might be possible it would help get Ashley released if we get you guys the right sort of publicity.

No, no, I understand. Just informational. Just investigation. I think that’s very wise. One has to get all the information before one can make any kind of sensible decision. I agree wholeheartedly.

Right. So, yes. I’ve spoken with my bosses. Usually we take on people like yourselves separately. We’d want to take you on with a separate contract for Ashley, even if your interests are exactly the same.

It is a bit tricky with her in custody. If she were in regular prison, it’d be no trouble – we have mechanisms in place to address that – but this is a little stickier because no one knows where she is.

Oh! You do. You’ve been in touch with her, I see. That’s why you’re re-thinking this, I see. You guys are exploring how you might build a career out of this mess. I get it entirely.

Right. So here’s what I think might be a strategy for you guys. We take you on the circuit. We get you talking about what a sweetheart she is, how she never meant to hurt anyone and maybe we get a Free the Dragon campaign going. I mean, - no one’s capturing the dragons in Dragon City, right?

They live free and happy, right?

Okay, most of them. But – yeah. I think if we can somehow set up a sort of competitive thing – and you know Free the Dragon just lends itself so beautifully to a hashtag. I think it would be VERY popular. Well - my hope is that I can negotiate with my agency that if I bring you guys on, with a whole campaign already in place, they’ll let me represent you. That’s good for you because you two would be my only clients so I would give you everything and good for me to start spreading my wings there.

No, it’s just a percentage of whatever you bring in. It’s like a commission on whatever gigs I can find you. It’s not the normal way we do things there but my agency is up for experimenting with this sort of agent/PR model.

Well, you know I’m hungry for the gig. There’s a lot of juice in that and you’d have the benefit of all the support of more experienced agents, who’d be advising me the whole time.

You wouldn’t have to do anything you did not explicitly want to do. There may be things that I would advise you to do that you might find distasteful at first and I may try to talk you into them but it’s always up to you what you are willing to do, what will suit your needs.

Yeah? Well. I’m tickled. Truly. You talk to Ashley.

I’ll talk to my agency and if you can make a deal – let’s do it!

(Wine glasses cheersing)

(Dragon roars)

(Coffee shop sounds)

WILLIE

This is surreal, man. Surreal. Last time I saw you, you were rolling your suitcase out the front door of the hotel and now here we are at the world’s quaintest coffee shop in your native country. I would never have predicted it.

Life is funny that way, isn’t it?

Oh, it’s going pretty well, actually. And thank you again for getting me the hook up on this gig. It’s better than I could have possibly imagined. I mean, I’m still in school.

They’re supportive, actually. I think they recognize what an opportunity this is and also that the rules tend to get shaky when disaster looms.

They might, yeah. I think we all wish we’d been more prepared when The Dragoning hit us. If our experience can help others – that’s a good thing.

And look at you, right at the center of The Dragoning happening here! How did you manage that?

Sure. Yeah. I get it. Better to keep your cards close to your chest in this situation.

Oh. Right. You were traveling with a dragon. You got a thing for dragons? I mean – I saw you after your first dragon attack – you were in rough shape.

But. Ashley. I couldn’t believe when they showed her picture on the news, sweet little Ashley! My friend Ashley! A dragon!

Wait. I’m just putting this together. Was she the dragon who got you that first night?

Right. You don’t want to say. I got it. You didn’t tell me and I don’t know anything.

Man. Now I realize – Ashley…

But if I’m right – and I know you can’t tell me – but if I’m right, you went home with her, she dragoned up and you went out with her again the next night!  You got guts, man. Guts.

I mean. I get it. If I’m right. Of course. She’s the sweetest. If she asked me to risk my life, I might do it, too. She’s like that. I get it.

Right. Right. You didn’t know she was a dragon when you got on that plane with her. I understand. There can be no wavering on that point – because you’d be under fire for knowingly bringing a dangerous element in the country.

Right. And you want to make sure you don’t get those conspiracy charges, my man.

Don’t you worry. I’ll keep my little theories to myself. Especially around government types.

Nah, man. They haven’t asked and I haven’t felt the need to give them a list of my friends. But I would love to get a word of support to her if you know how.

Really? They let you visit her?

For real? Wow. Well – just tell her I wish her well. I mean – in whatever safe way there is to do that. It would probably do none of us any good to make the connection obvious to the authorities.

I mean. Ashley. Who would have thought, you know?

But that’s what’s so tricky about this, isn’t it. It’s ALWAYS the ones you least suspect. Always. And yet your brain can’t suspect them – even though by virtue of being the last ones to suspect, they should be suspicious. Sometimes it feels like my brain’s turning inside out.

No. Not even once did I think to suspect her.

Sure – there was a little personality change around the first phase of The Dragoning – but the entire city changed at that point so it surely was not cause for suspicion. My personality changed, too, and I wasn’t turning into a dragon. You know? It’s like, when everything changes, it’s hard to track the change in one solitary person.

Well – she got a little bolder, I’d say. She got less inclined to defer to everybody. I was proud of her, honestly – even when she stopped deferring to me.

Well, she seemed to stop hanging around with some of those egomaniacs at her theatre, too.

Oh god. You don’t think she ate them, do you? Oh lord. I hope not. Although there were some douchebags over there. I’m sure I wouldn’t miss them. But still. Still. I hope that’s not what happened.

No, man, it’s good to talk about this stuff. A lot of the folks over at the Silver Pitcher, they just sort of glossed over it.

Oh, there was a lot of “We just barely survived! We came so close to death and we didn’t even know it” sort of stuff.

But that’s – that’s just like a narrow miss when you drive by a car accident. That’s about the bystanders.

I don’t think anyone wants to, like, actually deal with the contradiction of a real human person that we like and the monster she could become. This must be like being friends with the Incredible Hulk or something. Like – oh, man, like a little bit of pride and a lot of confusion.

I don’t know, man, I was fairly inclined to dismiss the dragons as monsters – but that was before I knew one, you know? Now that it’s Ashley…

I  don’t know, man. We’ve been friends ever since she moved to the city. Not close friends, obviously – but bar friends you know. We had a lot of late night heart to hearts over there at the Pitcher. She’s helped me through some heartbreaks.

Yeah, I did. You’re right. Some of these douchebags over there at that theatre…my god. And not just heartbreaks either. I mean – she helped me through this career transition as well. She’s been there for me, you know?

Oh man. I guess I hadn’t really dealt with how I feel about all this before, huh? Sorry. I imagine you might have some complicated feelings about all this, too.

Yes, yes, you do have a rather unusual relationship – that’s the truth. It’d make a good reality show.

You were? Well – great minds, my man. Maybe you should do it.

No way. There’s, like, a strategy for these sorts of things?

Yeah. Free the Dragon. I like that. You gonna do it?

Right. Yeah – that’s definitely a thing you have to discuss. Well, man, if there’s anything I can do to help you guys out, just let me know.

I owe you one after you helped jump start my new career. I mean, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be getting a government contract before I was even done with school. Never in my wildest dreams.

Yeah, good point. Extraordinary times. Extraordinary circumstances.

I mean – Ashley’s never going to have a normal life again and probably you won’t either. There’s not a lot either of you guys are going to be able to do without people noticing – so you may as well go all the way with it, I’d guess.

Oh, yeah, man. Back home, her face was on everything. Everyone was talking about you guys.

Well – because it’s an international incident now. And it’s triggered all these conversations of shutting down the city’s borders and quarantining women and it’s all quite a hullabaloo right now.

Oh sure – they got a bunch of people to make statements about the both of you. You know – anyone you ever talked to got a call from the press.

Of course they did! The whole staff at the Davina got calls. I mean, I just told them I had no comment but those folks can always find someone to talk.

Sure – yeah. One would prefer to have a choice about what one gets famous for.

Like – right now – you’re famous for getting on a plane – that’s probably not what you were aiming at.

But I mean – you’re not going to be the only people this happens to. The Dragoning is going to take hold all around the world, I’m almost certain of it – and your little moment of fame is bound to pass.

I think it’s going to get complicated and confusing and I’m just guessing – but I don’t think it’s going to be as small potatoes as eating up a couple of douchebags in an airport. There are much more spectacular stories coming. And when that happens – no one’s going to be worried about a guy who just got on a plane with a dragon.

No – I suppose that’s right. This is your moment. If you want it – now’s the time.

Sure, man. I mean – obviously I can’t actually tell the future. I just run the numbers and I pay attention.

That’s it.

You’re right. I’m not supposed to talk about it. But yeah – we’re just using the predictive models I’ve created to compare cities to try and work out what’s going to happen here.

Yeah – where and when is the question.

What do you mean?

Oh wow. Like – you’re saying that dragons have their own numbers?

I mean. That would add an extremely important column in my calculations. But would dragons self-report?

Right. Data is pretty impersonal.

Well – how would I go about getting this impersonal data?

Man. You’ve got your hands in everything, don’t you mean? Amazing.

Well – right now we’re calculating based on the missing and the dead. That doesn’t necessarily have to correlate with how many dragons are in a place. It could be just one extremely pissed off volatile dragon in that place. It’s not a one to one situation.

Right. It could look like a city is overrun with dragons when it’s just one with a real bee in her bonnet. Meanwhile, there could be a place with a whole crew of blissed out happy dragons, we don’t know. This country might be that place.

Anyway – that’s all to say that if you did get some numbers from the local dragons, I would be way ahead of the game.

Thank you, man. I appreciate all your help so far. And just having a familiar face to see is very helpful, too. I’ve never really been away from home like this before. Just traveled around the country a bit to see family really – so I’m experiencing a little culture shock, I think.

It’s nothing serious. I mean everyone here speaks my language so it can’t get too scary but you know – it’s an adjustment.

Yeah, you know. Just the little stuff that you didn’t know was adjustment until it changed. Like – where the sky is, you know?

You think you have a sense of where the sky is and then you look up and see that in this place, it’s somewhere else entirely.

It feels closer? Maybe? Or farther away? I don’t know. It’s just different. I didn’t know that was a thing that could be different. And, like, the rhythm of the place. It’s just, like, a whole different genre of music over here, metaphorically speaking, and I never heard this kind of music before.

I don’t know if I like it or don’t like it – but it’s just like a whole different radio station. A whole vibe, you know?

I mean – you travel a lot. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. You don’t know what you’re taking for granted until it’s different.  My brain is kind of turning inside out and it was already turned inside out once with the Dragoning!

Yeah – it would be cool if it was just returning back to normal – but there are apparently many insides of this inside out.

Yeah – like – I guess a brain isn’t like a shirt, where there’s a right way and a wrong way. It’s just, like – a pile of cookie dough and you turn it inside out twice, it’ll be one way but then you turn it outside again and it’s like, a whole new inside out.

Yeah, yeah cookie dough brains.

It’s not like they’re not good brains. It just feels disorienting. Like, all mixed up, you know? I don’t know. It’s going to take me a while to adjust.

Yeah. A fixed point. I like that. It’s good to have some fixed points. Thank you. Yeah. You’re right. You’re sort of a fixed point for me – since I met you back at the hotel at home and then you’re here, too. I guess whenever I travel next, I’ll have to find you there, too.

Yeah. You do that. Give me your itinerary.

Alright, man. Well – thank you. It’s been great to see you and I look forward to hearing any extra info you can track down.

And thanks, Mr. Fixed Point.

No. You’re right. That’s not a nickname that will stick. You take care, Brent. See you soon.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda and Julian Rozzell Jr as Willie.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Five - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Five: Ashley and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Five: Ashley and Alice

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound prison intercom)

Episode 5

ASHLEY

No? Your ex? Your friend made you sit through a brunch with your ex so he could get together with a girl who really likes you. Wow. And I thought my life was dramatic.

Okay. You’re right. I forgot about the dragon part. That bit probably is a lot more dramatic, you’re right. But if we exclude any dragon drama, you would win.

It’s great to see you. Thank you for coming.

All’s more or less the same – though I have become a little bit of a political football. And now that there are native dragons here it’s hard to make the case for how dangerous it would be to keep me here so the authorities are tussling -  so here I remain.

Well. I would love to see this country actually. I mean, I flew all the way here. It’d be a shame to go back without seeing a little of it, at least. Maybe I can negotiate a little bus tour or something. They keep me way from the public: I get a little taste of the landscape.

I don’t know. Surely they have some female officers who would take me.

Blerf. I’m sorry I ruined your homecoming. And my vacation! Such a drag.

No. But I am not going to let myself get sorry for myself. That spells trouble.

Famous how?

Front page of the paper? Have you seen it?

Can you get one? I’m curious, actually. I’ve never been in the paper really.

I mean, once as a child. They had photos of my dance team and I was among them but not as an adult. And on the news! I should get a copy for my parents.

No. They don’t know. Or they didn’t. Do you think this news made it back home?

Eeek. Well. I’ll have some explaining to do at Christmas if I ever get out of here.

No, good point. Not much to explain. “Mom. Dad. I’m a dragon.”

No. I did not choose it, it came to me. There’s some thought that it might be in my genes.

Oh good point. That might freak them out even more. They’ll think it’s going to happen to them, too.

Well – I guess it’s good the paper’s outed me, then – as I would clearly make a mess of talking to them about this.

Damn. It’s so hard to just have a normal conversation in here.

I mean – not just because of the glass and the intercoms and all – but just – I don’t know, I’m a very, like, tactile person and I feel like I’m operating without my prime senses.

I guess I mean tactile like kinesthetic. Because yeah. I figure things out from touch and moving and stuff and here – it’s just like the same surfaces in the same order all day.

I mean – it does make me a little bit, um, touchy. I try to keep it in check, you know – but they do keep sending the most triggering men possible in here and I think they might be running a study.

Which I definitely did not give my permission for, no sir. But who would I complain to?

Why, thank you, my kind man. I appreciate the thought. I’m not sure it’s my top top priority but I definitely appreciate it.

Oh, that’s to get the hell out of here.

Well, about the only advantage of being in here is that everyone knows my secret. So – that’s a weird kind of freedom – though very much not the freedom I’d prefer.

I prefer actual freedom. I don’t know that I really appreciated what a gift actual freedom is until it was gone.

I’d rather have no one ever know my secret than be locked up in here.

Anyway – sorry about all that. Tell me something about life out there. There was the brunch you mentioned. What did you eat?

Oh yum. That sounds so good.

Well.

He must be a good friend if you were willing to sit through all that for him.

How long have you known each other?

Oh wow. Yeah. I lost touch with all my childhood friends when I moved away.

I’m not sure. It could have been me. Or it could have been them. It’s not clear. I wonder what they think now.

Sorry. I’m a little down. Not feeling particularly hopeful about getting out of here. And there’s just no room!

I try to do as much of my dance training as I can but this is not a space to stretch out in. And it is worse when…

Yeah. Then. So I’m going to lose all my chops.

Do you think Hollywood will have a dancer with no more chops and a tendency to turn dragon every once in a while?

Ha! Reality Show? That’s insane.

No. Yeah. I can see how that would sell. It’s not quite the dream, though.

I suppose I would watch a show about a dancer trying to make it while fighting the urge to dragon out. You’re right. I would watch the hell out of that show. Somebody get me an agent, stat!

No. What?! The PR assistant wants to sign you? To do what?

This world is bonkers. Do you want to do that?

She said her boss could get you an agent to do whatever you wanted? That’s quite an offer. Do you want to take it?

Yes. It is a lot to think about. But let’s dream. I mean. I’ve got nothing else to do in here. If you had a show? What would you do on it?

Oh my god. Of course you’d travel. Shit. I would absolutely watch a travel show you were on. Especially if it was your travel show. I am already sold. What would you call it?

I don’t know. It’s pretty basic but I think Travels with Brent would be pretty to the point.

Or, or, Meeting the Locals with Brent. Brent Meets the Locals. This show is going to be so good.

Mine? Oh – I don’t know. Ashley Keeps it Together?

No you’re right. That’s not a title that will sell.

Dragoning Out with Ashley?

Yeah, alright. I’m glad you like it. We should have our shows back to back and do a whole thing where one throws to the other one.

I think your show should go first…then wherever you are you can go, “And now, let’s check back in with Ashley.” And I can start with, “Thanks, Brent, from wherever you are. Don’t forget to call!”

Yes, yes! We COULD do some crossover. Great idea. I could travel with you sometimes and you could come visit me sometimes.

I’m just trying to picture us in Hollywood. I mean obviously a lot of it takes place in a car because so much of life there is just driving from one place to another. Do you drive?

Same.

I mean. I don’t know really. I don’t think so.

Because dragons tend not transform if it might be a dangerous moment. No one’s turned while they were driving, or like, while on a trapeze or whatever. It’s some self-preservational instinct we think.

No – I don’t think I’d have to drive all the time.

Same reasons, really.

Well – if you were driving and I dragoned out, what do you think would happen to the car?

Mais oui. I’d have to wait until we were parked or at the very least stopped at a light.

Good point. Who knows what a foot will do when approached by a dragon?

Oh. I’m sorry.

Well. I scared you a little bit there. I’m sorry.

It’s faint but yeah. I can still smell fear from in here. They gotta keep me fed somehow!

No. But I am sorry I scared you there. It’s hard to know how far to push these kinds of jokes.

Good. Okay. Anyway. I won’t eat you in a car.

I’m joking! I wouldn’t eat you at all. I like you!

Gee whiz. I am not helping this situation.

No, listen – I don’t mind scaring government officials and military men. It’s actually really satisfying. They come in here all bluster and think they’re intimidating but meanwhile they’re feeding me a three course fear meal.

I don’t mind if they hear me on that subject.

Well, because the harder they try to control their fear – because they don’t want to feed me – the more it increases. It’s really funny. Some of their faces turn quite red.

Yes and the funnier I find them, the angrier they get and the fear they’re trying to suppress just geysers out all over the place.

It’s like – the awareness that I’m on to them makes it even more pronounced.

I don’t tell them about it when they’re here – it’s not what they want to talk about. But I am definitely being surveilled in here which I know may come as a big shock to you – so…I’m just imagining what will happen when they watch this surveillance footage.

I pretended not to notice the surveillance before – but I don’t quite see the point anymore. I’m under surveillance. They want truths out of me, they’ll get them. One of those Truths is that I am being surveilled.

Ha. Do you think they’d give up those tapes for that?

I mean…it would be a good intro to our reality shows, that’s for sure. Maybe I should ask for some make-up – so I can look good just in case.

Aww, thanks. You look good, too. And you also don’t need any make-up. Though, I am told it’s a good idea when dealing with a camera.

Yes, you should absolutely put your face on before you come here. You never know what these cameras are doing to your skin tones. I mean – with the right lighting most people are alright but this is absolutely not the right lighting.

I think it’s called ghostly white.

Buzzing Beige.

Fetching Flourescence.

Flickering Face.

Oh – that’s our next career. Cosmetic naming. Maybe that’s part of our shows – where we pitch our make-up line for surveillance rooms. For when you want to look your best for government officials. Oh look. Here comes one now. Hello Officer Reynolds.

That’s his super polite way of saying they want you to leave now. Thank you for coming, Brent. You’ve cheered me right up.

Alright, Officer Reynolds, he’s going.

See ya, Brent.

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of Alice coming in to Brent’s living room. Sharon’s voice in the background. Is she saying “Deny everything”?))

ALICE

Thank you for putting me in touch with Willie.

He’s coming out to help us sort through our predictive models. I think it will make a big difference. If nothing else it will help us get a head start on this thing. So thank you for helping us get that going. I just wanted to come and give you this certificate of thanks from the government.

It is literally the least we could do. But it is presented to you with our thanks.

Also – and this is a little delicate – but we’re starting to think you may know more about all this dragon stuff than you’re letting on.

Well – you just seem to be at the center of a lot of things. You re-entered the country with a dragon. You have knowledge of quite a bit of dragon facts from Dragon City. You’ve been seen with a known dragon advocate.

I believe her name is Fiona. And she has some ties to the dragons that were recently discovered here.

Certainly, I can see that you’ve been a bit of a magnet for the dragon affiliated. It is logical.

You’re a curiosity for many people. We just have to ask if you’re aware of any plans or knowledge that we should, say, prepare with.

Well, yes, of course, we’re keeping our eyes on you. You’re at the center of a very odd hub. It would be irresponsible to not keep you in our sights. I just want to make It clear that our ears are open if you ever want to share anything.

We know you’re still involved with the dragon in custody.

Yes, Ashley.

Yes, I know she has a name.

Like, I said, you seem to be, um, invested, in each other in some way.

Yes. You’re right.

No, I haven’t personally seen any surveillance tapes.

We’re just finding it hard to believe you didn’t know her better before you brought her here.

You were awfully quick to forgive her.

I’m not sure it would matter if she didn’t mean to. A shark might not mean to eat a man’s leg off but you bring him to a place with blood in the water, he’s going to bite you.

I know she’s not a shark. She’s a dragon. They are very different animals.

I’m just saying – if I brought a shark onto a plane of bleeding people, I would be more to blame than the shark for that disaster.

Sure. Sure.

I’m sorry. This is all new for us and you’re one of the few people in this country for whom it is not quite as new and we’re just trying to figure out why and what to do about it. Do you think there were other dragons on that plane?

I’m not here to interrogate you. I’m here to give you that certificate of appreciation, that’s it. I apologize. We are just at a bit of a loss and your place at the center of the wheel just makes you a titch irresistible for the team.

Yes. We are keeping an eye out. But that’s not terrible for you. If anyone were to come after you, we’d be ready to act.

No. I know. I understand.

Well, I always assume I’m being watched. Comes with the territory. I’m sorry it bothers you.

Sorry what?

It’s not my jurisdiction or my decision to make, unfortunately but I will pass on your request.

No, you’re not wrong. From what I understand, there are those who are trying to work out how to harness dragon power to be of help in the military.

From what I’ve seen, that is a fool’s errand.

Well, you know a dragon. Do you think she’d be useful to the military?

Exactly.

And, they don’t seem likely to want to follow orders – which is sort of the whole point. Honestly, it would be more of a risk or threat to the military to have dragons around. I don’t think they can be controlled.

Do you think they can be controlled?

See? We see eye to eye on this one.

Well – I’m not a military woman, I don’t quite see the advantage but I do work with quite a few from the military and they are largely in agreement with me but there are always a few outliers.

Oh, you know – they’re worried there will be a sort of dragon arms race and whomever harnesses their power first will decimate the rest of us.

Yes – it is a bit dark, isn’t it? What an extraordinary world we live in now, wouldn’t you say?

I mean, did you ever imagine a world with dragons in it? Or imagine that you’d know one?

Anyway – it is our world now. It was all over there but it’s our turn now and if our research is correct, it’s been here for some time already and just invisible to us. So. What do we know, you know?

Wow. I should not have gotten all chatty like that, sorry. You’re enormously easy to talk to – has anyone ever told you that?

I would imagine. It’s really quite remarkable. Did you ever think of going into law enforcement?

Well, your skills would come in very handy when trying to get information out of criminals or witnesses or accomplices or whatever.

Just pointing it out. This is not a recruitment. Though the benefits are sizeable.

No. No. I’m really not. It just occurred to me. I have no power to recruit. That’s not my area.

Anyway – you’ve got the certificate. I’ll be off.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Four - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Four: Fiona and Paul

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Four: Fiona and Paul

(The music sputters out.)

(Sound of a park)

Episode 4

FIONA

So you saw the news.

Yeah, I suppose it would be hard to miss.

Well, we wanted to get in touch now that one of our own has been exposed to just make sure we could still count on you.

Good.

Well – I suppose we made a miscalculation is what happened.

We thought that preparing the government for our eventual exposure would mean a more measured response. We thought it would go more smoothly. What we didn’t count on was how the rest of the country would react to the news.

Well, Brent. I don’t want to offend you but – the douchebags got douchier is what happened. And all the magic smoothies in the world aren’t enough to deal with douchebags who’ve turned their douchieness up to eleven. I mean….

I’m glad you understand, Brent. I really am glad. And actually, I’m hoping you can help us a bit. Because, and again, I really don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Brent – but I think you might be able to speak douchebag.

Like, you can talk to these guys, yes? You understand what they’re saying underneath the assholedry?

Excellent. Good. So – here’s the situation. We’re due to have a little conference of dragons and dragon supporters….

Well, it’s officially a knitting and crochet conference and while there will certainly be some needlework happening, we are also discussing some dragon business.

What we’re worried about, Brent, is the hotel lobby. We are only a small portion of the guests there for the weekend and you know, sometimes small groups of guys hang out in such places – salesmen or I’m not sure what and with the atmosphere in the country being what it is, we just might need you to run some interference.

No, no, we don’t want you to fight them or anything, just distract them long enough to get our girls by. Have a chat, listen to their dumb jokes or whatever they need to just ignore our contingent for a bit. It’s not a risk-free gig as you probably understand. I mean, one stray comment from them in this atmosphere….

We’re advising everyone to increase their smoothie consumption so that should keep everyone from being too reactive – but we need some extra insurance, you know?

Sorry – what?

No, I hadn’t heard about the scented candles – how funny.

Pine and Geranium. Wow.

Well, I’m not sure the hotel will let us bring a bunch of candles in but we can ask.

Maybe an atomizer would work?

You don’t happen to know, do you?

No. Of course. No.

We’ll have to run some experiments. And I’ll have our contact ask Ashley, too. Maybe if she doesn’t know, she’ll put us in touch with someone who could have a sense.

See there, you’ve come in a bit handy already. I’ll tell the girls who were on the fence about you. That should help convince them.

And are you on board to help us with this conference?

Great. Good.

I mean, yeah, we’re all a little more easily triggered than usual and the douchebags are also more triggering than usual.

It’s like we’re all popcorn kernels in a pan and the heat has been turned on and one pop leads to another, you know.

Yeah. Okay. So. Thank you.

I’ll be in touch with the details.

Sorry, what?

Oh, sure. Yeah. It might be useful to learn to knit or crochet. It would give you a good cover for being there. And would probably get you a lot of attention from the douchebags. You could try teaching them to knit, once you know how. That’d be very distracting for them.

Well. Knitting is two needles. Crochet is one hook. And people tend to prefer one or the other.

I don’t know. Knitters tend to be slightly more controlled than crocheters. Crocheters can get a little loosey goosey. Knitters like order. But that’s a wild generalization. Take your pick of one needle or two!

Me? Oh. knitter. I mean, I can do both but I definitely prefer to knit.

Do I have any knitting with me? Ha. Of course I do. What do you think?

Sure. It’s not a secret.

This is on its way to becoming a hat.

About half way.

I had this idea inspired by those pink hats from a few years ago.

Like, what if we made green ones? And maybe we could put little scales or something on them, make them dragon hats.

We’re not planning a march or anything, no. But maybe it would be a way to raise support when/if things get messy. I don’t know. I feel like, it can’t hurt to be prepared.

Yeah, so I’m experimenting a little bit. Trying out different patterns. Putting them together. Crochet may be the answer after all. I don’t know yet.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of instructional videos out there and one of the benefits is that you can always pause them so you can learn at your own pace. Get yourself some yarn and some needles or a hook and off you go.

Maybe your mum has some?

Ah. No. Okay. Just stop by a yarn shop. They’ll fall all over themselves to help you.

Are you kidding? A man in a women’s space like that? They’ll welcome you like their only son come home from the wars.

Lord no. The reverse is not true.

Have you ever been to a guitar shop?

Of course you have. And did you see any women there?

Yeah, come to think of it, you did not.

Well. I played a little guitar a while back and there is no condescension quite like the condescension of a guitar guy when a woman comes into the shop.

Oh, he’ll sell you the strings, yes – but are you sure those are the ones you want? They’re a little heavy, those ones. You probably want something a little lighter. Oh, those strings? They have a coating on them. Are you sure you want that? I mean, I thought I did when I came in here but now I’m not so sure. I’m not sure about anything anymore.

You’d think that, wouldn’t you? You’d think they’d want to make the sale and make the customer happy. But weirdly that seemed to be no one’s priority.

I don’t know. Something like, “Get the girl out of the clubhouse as soon as possible and make sure she never comes back!” A couple of times, I took men with me, when I went, just to have a less traumatic time.

No, Brent. It’s not just guitar shops. That’s just an example for the rest of world. There are endless spaces like that.

No. You’re right. Not dress shops.

Not usually any way. But you go into a dress shop, why don’t you and see how much they’ll love you.

Anyway – all I’m saying is, you’ll have a much different experience at a yarn shop, trust me. They’ll give you the right hook or needles for whichever yarn you choose.

Right. I have to run. There’s a lot to do with all this coming up. I’ll be in touch with more details and you get started on your knitting project!

(Dragon roars)

(Sound of Paul running upstairs and opening shades and windows.)

*

PAUL

Up, up, up, you bludger. Don’t tell me you’re still jet lagged. You’re No Jet Lag Brent! Isn’t that what we used to call you?

Streuth. You’re right. That is a terrible nickname. Why would we call you that?

Really. She nicknamed you “Drench?”

Why?

Drenched in the blood of your enemies? You? Come on.

Curious George. Now, that seems more like it. This girl knows how to nickname people. I should go meet her. I’ve never had good nicknames, either.

Dragon prison? Like where the dragons get locked up?

Why would dragons need to lock people up? Don’t they eat their enemies? Set fire to the ones who give ‘em trouble?

Dragon justice? Sounds crazy to me.

I mean. I wouldn’t trust a dragon to give me justice.

What are you talking about?

Wait. Wait. Dude. You’re saying they formed this, like, shadow justice system because they felt they never had justice even before..like, when they were women?

Come on.

I don’t know, man. You tell ME what happens when you report a sexual assault.

Don’t they investigate?

Well. They have to question them. What if they’re lying?

Is cross-examining so terrible?

I mean. No one should have to hear about my sexual exploits. That’s just for their benefit not to hear that.

I mean. Sorry for them that their rapists and abusers go free but that doesn’t mean they don’t have justice.

I don’t know man. That all sounds crazy to me – and all I know is I would not like to go to dragon prison.

Rehabilitation?

Re-education?

Huh. I think prisons are for punishment. Reconciliation seems like a bridge too far.

Anyway – we’re due at the brunch spot in twenty minutes, so let’s get a move on.

The PR girl, you remember? She said she’d go out with me if you came, too. And you agreed. You remember that?

Nope. Not a third wheel situation. Though given how much this girl is into you, if anyone would be a third wheel in this scenario, it would probably be me. But we got Erica to join us. So you’ll have the pleasure of arguing with your ex while I try to flirt with a PR girl who has the hots for your PR possibilities, if not you specifically.

Well, you know Erica. She enjoys a good caper. She loves to mess with unsuspecting people.

Right. She’s going to pretend to not be your ex but your current. So steel yourself for some performative PDA, my friend. She’s bound to turn it up for this. But come on, get a move on. This me waking you up thing has turned into a habit. You’re going to have to return the favor one day. And hey – as you’re getting dressed – do me a favor and try not to look your best, okay?

*

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Conrad Le Bron

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Three - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Three: Ashley, Alice, Fiona and Willie

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Three: Ashley, Alice, Fiona and Willie

(The music sputters out.)

(The sound of a prison door closing, the sound of keys)

Episode 3

ASHLEY

Well.

Look at you.

Hi.

Yeah. Hi.

So – uh…surprise! I’m a dragon. Sorry about that. Sorry I – uh – surprised you. I just – though I had it under control, I guess. Sorry.

Ha! Yeah. Those guys were annoying enough to even turn a man into a dragon, I guess. That’s funny. And awfully kind of you to say.

Yeah- they’re keeping me fed and watered and they’ve even sent the librarian over with some books. Could be worse, I suppose.

Is your Dad okay? I’m so glad you guys ran.

Good. Please apologize to them for me. They seemed really great before…

Anyway – I’m sorry I didn’t get to talk with them.

None of the guys in here can believe how well you’re taking this surprise. They’re all like, “I don’t know if I’d be alright if my girlfriend turned dragon suddenly.” But I told them how easy going you are.

Right! And how a week in Dragon City will acclimate a person. That’s true, too.

Good point. Very good point.

So. Uh. I’m very sorry for putting you at risk. Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Yeah, we had a few visitors. I mean, obviously. I don’t know anyone in this country but you – so, it’s a little weird. But I guess I have created a little…teeny tiny….itsy bitsy international incident. So. We’ve had the FBI and the CIA stop by and of course your national law enforcement. And the librarian has been very kind to bring me a history of Busby Berkely musicals. I can’t imagine where she learned how much I’d like a book like that.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, really.

Your country wants to send me home and mine doesn’t want to take me. So – here I sit.

How are you doing being at home?

Are your parents okay?

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good.

It’s really great to see you. And – it’s – like – I don’t know why but…it’s all a little déjà vu, isn’t it? This room. That one. Weirdly I feel like I’ve been in a place like this before.

Ha. Yes it does have a similar architecture as a Men’s Warehouse. That’s funny. Do they have those here?

Hey – you know I was just getting all nostalgic about my last night at home when I had all those people over. You remember that?

It was quite a little party we had.

Yeah. It was a hell of a night, with some wild people.

Hey, speaking of – have your heard from any of those people, by any chance? Just curious.

None of them. Hmmm. Well, that’s too bad. They were nice. If I ever get out of here, I look forward to seeing some of them again.

No, not Kala. No, you’re right. She wasn’t for me.

Well, if you do hear from any of those folks, let me know.

I certainly am sorry to have spoiled our trip. Like. Really. Sorry. I’m sure it’s a really great country out there and I’ll surely never see it.

(Door buzzing)

Oh, hell. That’s them to take you away. Well – I hope they let you come back soon, Brent, I really do. And thank you for forgiving me. I appreciate it a lot.

(Prison door opening)

Yeah, he’s going. He’s going.

Bye, Brent. I’m sorry. Hope I see you again. Someday.

(Dragon roars)

(office sounds)

Alice Dwyer

Thanks for coming in, Brent. We just were hoping you could help us with a little more information.

We just received some reliable intelligence that there are already dragons here. None have revealed themselves publicly but we feel it’s only a matter of time before we have a complete dragon manifestation on our hands. We’re hoping, having visited Dragon City, you can help us prepare.

We investigated your lead about scented candles and it checked out. That makes me inclined to trust you and whatever tidbits you might have collected while you were away that could help us predict what might be coming.

Wait, what?

What kind of software?

Like predictive models?

Based on missing persons.

That’s actually really smart. Would never have thought of that.

Does your contact have it up and running? Do you think he would sell it to us?

Please. Yes. Put us in touch. It would be a government contract so it would be worth his while.

I mean, I’m sure we could get one of our software guys on it but if their guy’s already done the preliminaries, I think that would save us a bunch of time. And time is of the essence here.

Everyone in the country would like to avoid being the next place to publicly have dragons.

We’re fairly confident that there are other places in a position like ours but we’re hoping we aren’t the first to be exposed, you know.

Right. So. Software. I’m going to check in with you about that the day after tomorrow, if you wouldn’t mind reaching out to your contact in the meantime and let him know I’ll be calling.

Now, let’s assume this dragoning is coming. How could we get a head start on it?

For example, are there things to put in place or are there structures we could/should start building now?

Sorry, what?

An apology pavilion? What’s that?

Sounds like it could also be used as a holding cell for dragons.

No, no. For apologies. Sure. Any law and order mechanisms in place? We’ve already been caught up short with the law here with Ashley’s arrival. And your role in bringing her here. So it would be helpful to know what they’re doing in Dragon City – and they’re not really talking to us.

Like a dragon task force?

Oh. Dragon justice. Huh.

No, no. We’re hoping for a just situation for everyone – our resident dragons included.

Anything else you can tell me, Brent?

No? Really?

Well. Fine. If you think of other things, please check in with me. And I’ll talk to you further about this software guy.

Thank you for your assistance, Brent. You’ve been very cooperative and we won’t forget it.

*

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of Brent’s backyard patio)

FIONA

Thanks for reaching out to the Orchids, Brent. It’s a little dangerous, of course. But I understand you have something important to share.

Oh. Yes. We leaked that bit of information on purpose.

Well – not that it’s any of your business – but we felt we might be able to negotiate a release for Ashley if we clued them in about the dragons’ existence. How are they taking it?

Panic, huh? Oh sure. Of course. Moves them directly out of the abstract of – this might happen one day to “Oh. This has already happened. We’re already late.” I imagine they’re scrambling everywhere. What a lark!

Well – it’s not just for Ashley. We figure it might benefit us to have a dragon liaison in government on the early side. We’re In a much stronger position to negotiate while the public is unaware of the dragons among them.

We’re letting the government panic a bit – get all their ya-yas out and then we’ll make contact.

You didn’t say anything about us, did you, Brent?

Good. Good. Good.

That’s good. I’m glad.

Oh she did, did she?

Well – thank you for helping us make her imprisonment a little more pleasant. The actual library there is so wretched. It’s all thesauruses and test prep books.

Honestly, we just got lucky there. We already had a member in place in the library system. She just came in handy when this situation happened.

Well, thank you for letting us know about our outing in the government.

No, no, actually, it is actually good news to hear it come back to us.

That means it’s actually travelling through all the channels and didn’t just stop at our mark. It’s very good. Thank you. If you hear anything else, for sure do the same. And the Orchids will reach out to you before too long, I’m sure.

No, it is taking a little while – because there are members of the group who are reluctant to bring in a man no matter how helpful it might be. We’re negotiating some things at the moment.

Just hang on. We’ll be in touch when we’ve worked it out.

*

(Dragon Roar)

(Sound of a phone ringing under some covers. Sound of muffled voice on the other end. It resolves to Willie’s voice.))

WILLIE

Brent! Hey there, man. What a surprise it was when the front desk gave me your message.

Oh, they were like, “This foreign guy called for you and asked if we could give him your number.”

No, no, they didn’t tell me what it was – except you wanted to talk about software.

Oh, man. I’m sorry. What time is it there? I didn’t even think to check the time zones. I don’t do a lot of international calling. Should we do this another time?

Okay. Sure. Yeah. Get the light on and whatever you gotta do. I’m on one of those internet calling apps. It doesn’t charge me.

What do you mean safe?

Oh, like, are people listening? Am I alone? That sort of thing?

Yeah, man, I’m at home. No one’s here.

Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

The, like, actual government there?

A government contract.

They know I’m still a student, right?

Oh sure.

That makes sense to me.

Right.

Wow.

What do I have to do?

Okay. Sure. Great. Yeah.

Wow. Brent. Thank you. You’re getting me hooked up with a government contract before I even finish grad school. My teacher’s going to lose her mind.

No, really man. Thank you.

Oh, about the same. Pretty much like it was when you left. Just the very strange new normal.

Hotel’s doing fine.

Well – that’s funny you should ask – but yes, Ray did ask to look at my projections. I thought really all he wanted to know was which city I thought would get The Dragoning next. Wouldn’t have thought it would be yours! But, of course, I didn’t run those numbers.

You know. I haven’t seen him in a while. It sounded like he was planning on moving somewhere and starting a business. Asked me if I wanted to go in with him on it, in fact.

Oh, I turned that right down. He’s a nice guy but I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him.

So I just wait to hear from your government people about the contract?

Alice Dwyer. Okay – yeah. I’ll look for her call.

Thanks again, Brent. This is, like, life-changing stuff for me.

Yeah, man. Get some sleep. Don’t be a stranger.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley, Clare Stevenson as Alice, Mischa Ipp as Fiona and Julian Rozzell, Jr as Willie.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode Two - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode Two: Fiona, Erica, Amanda and Paul

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Two: Fiona, Erica, Amanda and Paul

(The music sputters out.)

(Kitchen door closes, Kitchen noises behind it, Sharon listening to the radio in the background.

Episode 2

FIONA

Yeah, thanks for having me over. It’s not easy to find places to safely talk dragons in public so this was a great idea. And your mum seemed to really enjoy the challenge of sneaking me in here so that’s a lark.

Well, like I said in my message – I wanted to check in on you on Ashley’s behalf.

She’s okay. We’ve got someone inside with eyes on her and they’re treating her fine. Not great. But fine, you know. I’d rather be in lock up here than where she’s from, I know that.

Anyway – she’s worried about you so I just thought I’d reach out – touch base and get word back to her if I can.

You haven’t had any harassment or too much difficulty with the authorities?

Good. Good. I’m so glad.

And I hope this isn’t indelicate to ask – though it is kind of important  - have you – um – revealed any – um – prior knowledge of this situation?

Oh good. Thank you. That’s good to know. It’s best for both of you if no one knows you knew.

Is that what she called us? The welcoming committee? Funny. Well, I guess that’s what we were supposed to be.

We didn’t get to, of course. I regret that your parents found you guys before we did. I feel like if we had we wouldn’t be in this situation now.

Well, we were worried about what the effect so much flight time might have – so we’d prepared a sort of preventative for Ashley to get into her before being exposed to the chaos of the airport.

Oh – it’s a drink we’ve developed that helps keep women from dragoning out when they don’t want to. It’s like a super chill out smoothie.

You think I’m going to tell you what’s in it? Oh, sweetheart. Hell no.

But yes, it is one of the reasons why no one knows the dragons are here.

Yeah - we didn’t know what you or Ashley looked like so your parents spotted you guys first. We saw the whole thing. We weren’t so far away. If we could have intervened without exposing ourselves, we certainly would have – but we operate in total secrecy, as I’m sure you can understand.

Some of us are, some are just dragon support and in disclosing our existence to you, we are assuming a high level of trust, I hope you know.

Well – we heard about what happened with the dragon slayer over there and the Friends of the Dragons are very grateful for your service, so, their good opinion goes a long way and gives you a full raft of trust from us at the get go.

But that doesn’t mean we’re going to reveal our dragon status to you. The fewer people who know who’s who and what’s what, the safer it is for everyone.

Good. I’m glad that makes sense to you.

My question for you now, then, Brent, is – do you think you’d want to help us?

I can’t offer you to be part of the group – that’s out of the question – but if we could call upon you when we need you, it would be a big help.

That’s great. The thing is, sometimes, it would be useful to have a man and we’re not disclosing to men generally, so we don’t have any on our side…you’d be providing a real service. And all the dragons will take extra precautions when you’re around. Does that work for you?

I’m so glad. I’ll get word back to Ashley that you’re okay and I’ll be in touch about our – uh – welcome committee meetings very soon. Just FYI – to the public – we are the Knitting Orchids – so further communication will come from them.

Thanks again, Brent. We’re grateful to have your help. Everyone will be pleased to have you on board. Take care. And don’t let the press get to you. We’re here if you need us, too. We’ve got some press strategies should you decide you want to engage. But your current strategy of just abstaining is a good one.

You’ll hear from the Orchids soon.

(Dragon roars)

Erica (Brent’s Ex)

Thanks Sharon. I’ll come say “hi” again before I go.

(Sound of a screen door opening and closing)

Hey.

(Footsteps on the patio

Birds chirping throughout)

Yeah, your mum let me in. She said you were out here on the patio. I think she misses me.

(The sound of a chair being pulled out and pulled in.)

Got yourself in the paper, didn’t you? Well, well, well.

No – I didn’t come to talk about the newspaper. Sheesh. I came to make sure you were okay.

I mean, if I’d known it was dragons you were into – we could have tried some role play back in the good old days.

No, no, no, of course not. I’m mostly just surprised you let a girl travel with you. You were always like, “No, Erica, I’m a solo traveler. No offense. This is something I do on my own.” And here you were, on a plane from over the ocean, with a girl. And a girl who turned out to be a dragon, no less.

No. Good point. You weren’t traveling with her so much as coming home with her. That is….a good point. I feel less hurt now.

No – well, I guess I just didn’t understand. But – of course I could never come home with you since I already live here. I could have moved to Bangkok or something hung out there a few years, run into you on your travels and then flown home with you. That’s how that could have worked.

I don’t know. I was thinking of going to Bangkok for a holiday at one point. That’s probably why I thought of it.

Why? What happened to you in Bangkok?

Was the world your oyster? Did the tough guys tumble?

I can’t believe that song is true.

No, no, of course. Not really. I tease. You know I tease. It’s my favorite activity.

Listen – I’m sorry. I will tease you as much as I can get away with but I also am a little concerned about you. You could have been killed. And I know this isn’t about me – but I do not want my ex murdered by a dragon. That’s the kind of story that I do not want to be a part of. And I don’t want to go to your stupid funeral, you risky rebel. What if there were dragons there?

True. I guess as a woman I AM perfectly safe. But what if I wanted to bring my new boyfriend to your funeral? He wouldn’t be perfectly safe, would he?

Well, if that’s your plan, then, well played. Very well played.

But seriously – are you okay?

What did they do to you over there?

Well – you do seem different.

Like, actually, very different. You have a whole new vibe. I’m not sure what to make of it. Is that, like, trauma or something?

From watching two guys disappear into a dragon?

I don’t know. Different. Just like – I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but you usually have a sort of cocky vibe about you.

There it is. Yeah. Like that. But less obvious.

What do you mean “fear”? Like do I sense fear coming off you? Brent. That’s super weird.

Okay. Yeah. I suppose it could be.

Yeah, but I’m not a dragon. You know I’m not a dragon.

What?

They don’t?

What do you mean anyone could pop?

You’re saying I could be a dragon and not even know it.

Why unlikely?

I’m nice!

No, you’re right. I can be a real ball buster. No lie.

But you’re saying – now – having seen a woman you didn’t expect to turn dragon, turn dragon, you’re just a little base-line afraid.

That is so weird, Brent.

How do you mean, “Fear can save a life”? That’s weird, Brent.

No – that’s true. Fear will get you to run when it’s time. And apparently can keep a dragon from eating you. You’re saying if you’re afraid of it enough, it won’t bother to eat you.

Damn. You have had the weirdest holiday of anyone on earth.

And to have it, like, change your personality a little bit.

Sure. You’re the same. You’re the same old dumbass Brent who’ll stumble into any old kind of trouble and wonder what in the heck happened to get him there.

Yeah, I know you, you wally. Better than I know a lot of people. I’m sorry you’ve been scared out of your personality.

No, no, surely you must still have a personality.

It’s just not the personality I’m used to.

No, it’s fine. It’s weird but, fine.

No, I seriously just came to make sure you were okay.

And you are. You’re just sort of pussed out.

I joke. I kid.

Hey listen – there’s a party at Ken’s later tonight if you want to go. I promise I’ll come to your aid if you suffer any dragon attacks.

But. Wait. Dude. The only dragon we’ve got here is locked up. Why are you still afraid?

You think there’s going to be an outbreak here.

What do you mean you don’t see how there couldn’t be dragons here? There couldn’t be. Period. End of story.

Do you know something we don’t know?

A doorman? Brent. I don’t know much but I do know you don’t get your number projections from a doorman. That much I know.

Track the missing? Like the missing are secret dragon victims? Boy oh boy.

Well, I can’t wait to see know this exciting version of you goes down at Ken’s this evening. You’re coming, right?

Good. See you there.

*

(Dragon Roar)

AMANDA

(Party sounds)

Oh, I heard about you. You’re Dragon Boy!

The guy who flew with the dragon girl!

Ken! You didn’t tell me you were having a celebrity at your party.

You were on the front page. Of course you’re a celebrity.

No, it’s like a security camera photo – image – still – I don’t know. It’s from the security footage. You haven’t seen it?

No, not the footage. The paper. The photo in the paper. Front page!

If I were in the paper, I’d get every copy and keep them all for a scrapbook.

My grandma had one. It’s like – little bits of personal history. And if I got in the paper…well. You did, so congratulations.

Oh, it is, though. And you were traveling with that dragon, so that’s very interesting and cool. Like, how many people are famous for traveling with dragons? I can’t think of any but you – so that means you are very special. You’re the first dragon traveler in history. Also – you saw her transform? That’s so cool. So wild.

So – are you going to, like, go on TV and do the talk shows now?

I mean – it would be great for your brand, whatever that is. You gotta capitalize on this moment. It’s going to fly by so fast.

Yeah. Well- I work at a PR firm. I know these things. Do you have a publicist?

I’m just an assistant. I don’t have authority yet. But I do keep my eyes open and I think I might want to move up in the agency, you know?

No, yeah, I do. I totally think you should have a publicist. I mean, that’s often how my bosses get clients. Heck, they may be trying to track your number down right now!

No – it’s just that it’s such a fun story!

They might!

Well. Uh duh. Dragon! And not just, like, oh, hey, surprise everyone, there are dragons, but here’s one that moments ago that was a human and uh, also, that human was with her was her boyfriend? I mean…the headlines just write themselves, don’t they?

Well. I’m not a journalist. I’m just a PR assistant. Headlines are our bread and butter.

Oh, sure, yeah, mostly people just read headlines anyway these days. A whole article? Who has the time? Headlines, headlines, baby. Nothing but headlines.

So are you still with the dragon girl or what?

Who says you’re not supposed to talk about it? Come on. Be free! You should be able to say what you want to. Who’s stopping you?

Oh, officials. What do they know? Boring old officials. Snoozeville. Look, here’s my card. If you decide you want to do the talk shows or, like, I don’t know, just talk over the possibilities, call me and I can refer you to the best ones in my office – or just, you know, troubleshoot or whatever.

You can call me for whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Hit that bar! Ken’s making mojitos. They’re really good. Yeah, okay. Yeah. No, I’d love one. Thank you. Appreciate it.

*

(Party music increases and then decreases a little)

PAUL

Can’t believe you escaped! Your mum let you out, huh? You made a break for it?

Is there still a bunch of press at your house?

How are you getting past them?

Oh, classic. Classic. Jacket over the head. Much respect. Old standard for many a rock star and tabloid girl. Do it up right. No one wants a picture of your jacket. Especially that jacket.

I did notice a cute photographer in the passel. Is that what it’s called? A passel? Anyway – check out the photographer from The Sun.

I’d ask her for her number but it doesn’t seem like the right context does it?

“So – hey – I see you’re staking out my buddy’s house – but maybe you wanna get a steak with me later…” actually maybe that’s not a terrible line.

No. It is. It’s terrible. You’re right. But would it work?

There IS, in fact, only one way to find out.

What do you mean?

How’m I doing?

I’m fine, dude. Why wouldn’t I be? What happened to you over there, man? You’ve gotten so weird!

I don’t know. Weird! So weird. You’re weird.

Nah. I’m normal. I mean, sure, normally weird – but normal. You’re newly weird.

It’s like, a whole vibe.

Yeah – a vibe. Sure weird vibe.

She did? Yeah, I mean, I get that I guess it could be called personality change. But it’s not like you had a brain tumor and came out weird. Wait, you didn’t do that, did you?

I just – yeah, I don’t know where you go. You said you were going to Dragon City but maybe you were just going to the hospital. I don’t know.

Good. That’s good to know. I’d tell you, too, man. If it were me.

Sure. Hypotheticals are always the best promises. I could make ‘em all day.

Oh say – speaking of hypotheticals. What’s up with that girl you were just talking to?

You mind if I move in on that?

Oh, what?

Sure, I’ll take her that mojito. That’s big of you, my friend.

I guess you might – a dragon girlfriend in lock up here and a dragon slayer in lock up there.

You got the magic touch.

You’re right. No one likes a mojito with melted ice. I’ll take this over. Check you later.

(Dragon Roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Mischa Ipp as Fiona, Sara Lynam as Erica, Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda and Conrad Le Bron as Paul.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Season Two - Episode One - Transcript

Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning

Episode One: Sharon, Paul and Alice

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

Season Two of The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode One. Sharon, Paul and Alice

(The music sputters out. Sound of a man’s voice, muffled, words indistinguishable.)

Brent’s Mom: Sharon

Thank you for getting us home safely, officer. Have a good night.

(Sound throughout of kitchen noises, drawers, dishes)

You don’t think you could have warned us before you brought your dragon girlfriend home, then? That maybe your father and I might have wanted to take precautions maybe? Maybe been a little bit prepared, Brent? You don’t think that would have been a considerate thing to do?

Sure. I can understand that she’d want to keep that information secret, sure. Sure. But her secret’s out now, isn’t it, sweetheart? Going full dragon in the middle of the airport like that? Causing an international incident. Her city is on total quarantine lockdown now, Brent. It’s a good thing you got out when you did because there are no more flights in or out of there, thanks to you. It’s all finished.

No you cannot see her. They’ve taken her into custody and you’re lucky they let you go.

I mean they’ll be back. They will be asking you a lot of questions in the coming days, I can guarantee you that. They let us know.

They’ve already questioned your father and I extensively – so you can be sure your time is coming again, sir. You can bet. That cursory investigation? That’s just the start. The only reason they have given you a little bit of breather right now is because they are trying to decide whether or not to prosecute you for bringing a known dragon into the country. Luckily, they have no leg to stand on in that department due to the fact that there are no laws on the books about dragons at this point. A fact I was happy to point out to them when they tried to take you into custody.

Your father could have been killed, you know. Can you imagine? How would you have felt  if your new girlfriend had eaten your father?

Not good, I should say.

Jet lag is no excuse. You, of all people should know that. Did you ever change into a dragon due to a time zone? No. You didn’t. You just slept for 12 hours when you got there like the rest of us. Like she should have done.

What do you mean? Oh, those boys on their way to a game? What did they say?

Well, that’s not every polite, is it?

They ought to be ashamed.

No you can’t see her! Not a chance!

She’s a dragon, she’s fine.

I can’t dream of what you were even thinking bringing her here.

That didn’t look like someone who has things under control to me.

Usually, usually. Ha!

You weren’t gone long enough to know how she usually is. You know how she was in love, that’s it.

Of course, she was in love. Look at you. You’re a dreamboat. But boy did you get her into trouble!

What do you mean she was already in trouble?

Oh. So there were people coming after her? What sort of people?

Eesh. I agree that’s not nice but she could have gone anywhere, why’d she have to come here?

I mean in the minute I had to give her a hug and welcome her, she seemed nice but an awful lot changed awfully quickly, wouldn’t you say, Brent? Awfully quickly.

I’ve never seen a dragon before. Neither has anyone else in this country.

there are already dragons here, we just haven’t seen them.

How do you know?

They were at the airport, too?

How do you know you can trust her?

She ate two people at the airport, Brent. I’m not sure I’d trust such a person.

But let’s assume she’s telling you the truth about this dragon welcome committee….that means

Discrete dragons? That seems unlikely. They’re not a particularly discrete species. I mean. You’d never miss one. We certainly didn’t miss your dragon girlfriend in the airport.

Fine. Sorry. Ashley.

Well – if they’ve been keeping themselves under wraps and your dragon – sorry, Ashley, - just outed herself, I doubt they’re going to be much help to her. It’s not like they’re going to want to go and visit.

Oh this is such a mess you’ve made. Such a mess. And the press is going to come calling, you know that, right? This is cat nip for them.

Just deny everything. You had no idea she was a dragon. You have no idea what’s going on. You’re an innocent in this whole thing.

It is the best thing for her, too.

It’s sweet that you’re so worried about her. I guess you really like her, huh?

I’d be thrilled if I weren’t horrified.

Yes, yes, of course you are. What time must your body think it is?

There are some new sheets on your bed and we got some blackout curtains - so you should get some good rest.

I am glad to have you home, my wandering boy.

Sleep well, darling. (kiss)

Oh come on, I’m still your mother.

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of a man running up stairs.)

PAUL

Good morning, Dragon Lover!

No – your mum called to tell me you were home – but I saw your news in the paper all on my own!

You’ve really gotten yourself into a mess, haven’t you?

I mean, you’ve gotten yourself into messes before. And I’ve gotten into a few with you.

But this a real big hot mess you’re in now, my friend. Just, like, a spaghetti casserole dropped on the floor sort of mess. But famous.

What are you going to do?

Oh sure. Yeah. Getting up and showering is a good start. You gotta wash that dragon flop sweat off you. Stat. I mean – whoooooo.

Sure, yes. Coffee is a good idea, too. I should have brought you one. I bet it’s hard to get a good coffee over there.

Well. We can go hit the Coffee Hut, if your mum will let you out of the house.

Well, she’s a little worried about the press that’s camped out on the lawn.

Well – they just can’t wait to talk to you, of course. They want to hear allllllll about it.

I mean, so do I, of course. But I’m not going to put stuff you say in a paper. And I am very patient.

Maybe if I convince your mum I can hustle you past the reporters, she’ll let us go. What do you think? I’m pretty sure I can lose them.

Right. You go wash off that dragon stank and I’ll convince your mother.

Kay Mate, Catch ya.

*

Sound of a dragon roar.

Sound of a phone ringing, Office noise. The occasional thump.

Alice Dwyer – Government Agent

I appreciate your coming in to chat with me, Brent. We’re all trying to figure out the best way forward and I can understand you might be a little bit dis-oriented, having flown so many hours, what with the jet lag and the dragons and what not.

Before we begin, I want you to know that no charges have been laid against you and as far as I know, there are none in the works. We are in foreign territory with this dragon situation and fortunately for you, there are no laws on the books that anyone could find to charge you with – try as they might.

I’m just hoping you can help me understand a little more about dragons since you have been among them. If you don’t mind, I’d like to start at the beginning. Did you have a particular interest in dragons before you went?

Walk me through your decision to take the trip.

I mean, yes, that is a very cheap flight. I went there once on holiday and it was quite a bit more than that. So. Sure. Cheap flight. Now’s as good a time as any to check the place out.

Did you understand you were taking a risk?

Sure, sure. Everything’s a risk. I understand that more than most. But I also know that some things are riskier than others. I walk into a room of drug dealers with a cache of weapons, I’m walking into a riskier situation than I would be walking into a restaurant.

Yeah sure. You’re not particularly risk averse we might say. It’s a useful asset in some professions. And you’re very well travelled – you figure dragons aren’t all that.

Sure. Yeah. I got it.

Sound of writing

Did you have particular agenda for your trip?

Like plans?

Or, like, desires? Like, to see a dragon for example.

Huh. Atmosphere, stories, vibe, okay. Okay. Interesting, okay. So what was the atmosphere like over there?

I would imagine!

What do you mean by Topsy Turvy?

Women do what there now?

And men are like what?

Huh. Okay. I agree that that sounds interesting.

Sounds like I should send my husband over there.

Right – it wouldn’t be safe right now.

So – tell me about what you did, where you went, what kind of contacts you made. It will help us a bit with contact tracing.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Interesting.

Okay.

Really? A shuttle service for men…

Okay.

Okay.

Is the medical system as bad over there as we hear?

Huh. Okay.

Okay.

And you didn’t know this girl was a dragon when you decided to bring her here to meet your parents?

Well, I don’t know why you’d bring a dragon into your own country. That’s one thing we’re trying to find out here. So did you? On purpose?

Fine. Can you tell us anything you learned about dragons while you were over there?

I don’t know. Anything that might help us prevent a dragon outbreak here.

Is there something that prevents people from turning dragon?

Scented candles? Really? Any particular scent?

Pine and geranium. Huh. How’d you come by that little tidbit?

In a bar?

Sure okay or somewhere.

Anything else you picked up about them in your trips to the bar?

Nice? How do you mean nice?

Don’t these women eat men? And burn them up? Doesn’t sound very nice to me.

Oh, I see. As humans – they tend to be nice. I understand. Well – I’ve only met one dragon now and I can concede that point. She is very nice. She mostly seems worried about you. There she is in quarantine and she’s worried about where you ended up. Did you two get very close while you were over there?

And she didn’t tell you she was a dragon.

I see your point. It is dangerous for her to self disclose. Right. Though, it is also very dangerous not to disclose. She could have killed you, too, you know.

You are very lucky you didn’t get eaten.

But you didn’t. Because you ran, and you got your dad to run. How did you know to do that, Brent?

What do you mean she told you to?

She said run and you ran?

Man, I wish my husband would be so quick to do what I asked him.

What do you mean a “look in the eyes”?

Pupils.

Like diamonds.

Maybe I would, you’re right. Maybe I would run too.

Okay. So. You learned most dragons are nice. They tend not to go dragon around pine and geranium scented candles. What else?

Good for tourism how?

Oh. Disaster tourism…yeah , I guess I have heard of such a thing.

Right. Good for big hotels and bus companies. Not so good for the little guys.

Souvenirs? Did you bring some back?

No, I don’t suppose they would let you bring one of those firestarters on a plane. Good point.

Anything else you can tell us about what’s going on over there?

Huh. All male businesses? Don’t we already have that – like everywhere?

Oh. I see. Like – they’re not safe with women so they self isolate. Right. Okay.

Like – dragon haters?

Like – a club?

What do they do?

That sounds like a boardgame or something.

Ah, yes, murder is certainly something we’d be worried about. They’re murder clubs? Did you go to one?

I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to go to one of those either.

I’m not sure why what happens to Ashley is any of your concern.

Sure – you care about her – but you know she’s a dragon, right?

I’m not sure dragons ARE people too – but I’ll accept your premise and it is sweet that you are concerned. So, I will tell you that our plan is to send her back to where she came from on a secure flight.

Dangerous how?

For her?

How?

She’s been doxed there.

I thought you said you didn’t know she was a dragon.

Okay. You know she’d been doxed but you didn’t know why. What did she tell you?

Death threats.

Credible death threats. And an attempt. I see. Well, we’ll see what there is to do. I’ll talk toher handlers.

You want to see her?

The woman that turned into a dragon in front of you at the airport.

I’ll see what I can do.

(Door opens to office environment noise)

Thank you so much for your assistance, Brent. I may reach out again if I find I have further questions.  

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Nina Nicolic as Sharon, Conrad Le Bron as Paul and Clare Stevenson as Alice.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Ten - The Finale - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Ten

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Ten. Part One. Kala and Sergeant Ana Rengel.

(The music sputters out. Sound of restaurant chatter and upbeat restaurant jazz.)

*
Part One

Kala

Look at you. You clean up good.

Yeah, yeah, different in the dark right? We’re switching from our diurnal selves to our nocturnal ones. Watch out! It’s night!

Sure. Yeah. A drink sounds good.

Jack Daniels. Neat.

Really? You would have guessed? Why?

What are you an armchair drinks psychologist?

Alright. What are you drinking?

I might have guessed.

Well – it is the drink of choice of douchebags round the country. Seemingly around the world.

No! Really? You don’t like being called a douchebag, Drench? What a surprise!

Douchebags are very predictable, Drench. Very predictable.

No. You’re right, Curious George. You’re not that predictable. Just – somewhat. Well – I was surprised you asked me for drinks after you turned me down for dinner.

You seemed sort of – taken. Not that that has stopped many douchebags before you.

Really? Sampling the wares of this fair city’s fair females, are you?

Really? Aggressive how?

Of course you like it. Of course you do.

Well, you came to get a drink with me, didn’t you?

Let’s just say that the gentleman who can hang with a woman who could skin them with one hand if she wanted to are few.

Well, obviously, I wouldn’t. Just because I can doesn’t mean I do.

But a bear is very different than a man. Though I’m sure a man would be easier to handle.

Again – not that I’d know. I skin bears, deer, rabbits, that sort of thing. What would I skin here? Rats? Ewww, No. Thank you.

Sewer gators? Those can’t be real, can they?

No – of course, I haven’t skinned any dragons. What do you think I am? That was just tough talk. A little breakfast blowharding to get the day going.

You should know better than to believe a girl before her coffee’s really kicked in.

No, no. Sorry. No. I’m a thoughtless jerk before noon. I hate everyone, not just dragons.

My day? What, are we married or something? “How was your day at work, snookums? Just fine, sweetums, how was yours?”

We’re asking questions we can’t ask at breakfast now? That’s the game?

Sure – you’re right. We probably wouldn’t talk about what we like to drink at breakfast, either – not unless we were really aspirational alcoholics.

Our breakfast selection is alright but it’s not really a mimosa type situation, is it. What do you think they’d do at Davina if I asked for a Bloody Mary?

Probably they would. You’re right. And I bet it would be $20 at least.

They gotta make up the money they’re losing from discounting so many people somehow. I don’t blame them. If I ordered room service without checking the prices first, I’d get what’s coming to me.

No, you’re right. It wouldn’t come to me since I’m not paying the room bill.

Ha. Yeah. My sugar daddies. Yeah. That’s actually fucking hilarious. I mean if you saw these guys – sugar daddies would be the LAST words to come to mind.

First words? Ooof. I’m not sure. Chess Club? Wedgie Society?

Yeah. A little bit.

I mean, I’m not sure I’d call them nerds. Only a handful of them are smart enough to qualify for nerddom. I might go with dorks. No disrespect to them or to dorks.

A dork’s money is as good as anyone’s.

No they did not hire me to shake down the school bully for their lunch money. Though I don’t like a bully’s chances with me, for sure. I can’t abide a bully.

No. I was not bullied. You?

Well – I had a reputation.

You skin one squirrel on the playground ONE TIME and no one will ever let you forget it.

Sure – I got in trouble. It wasn’t just my fellow students who were scared of me for the rest of the year though – so no one did anything of real consequence.

Good guess, Drench. Killer Kala was my first nickname – though they rarely used it to my face.

Don’t get soft on me, Drench. Yeah – of course it hurt my feelings, I’m not a monster. But – you know – there are advantages to people being afraid of you.

Such as – they generally leave you be. And it gives you a kind of power. You’re a man, you should know that. You don’t think women’s general fear of men doesn’t imbue you with a kind of intoxicating power?

Didn’t you? Well – it does. And I know what it feels like. I been feeling it all over this city.

I haven’t felt this kind of power since my Killer Kala youth.

I know it’s not me men are afraid of – I get that it’s the dragons. But – damn. I’ve been high on fear ever since I got here.

I never said that.

I implied no such thing.

Give me your sleeve. I wanna talk directly to the FBI. I am not here to kill dragons, okay?

The FBI says what?!

Surveillance, my ass. They’ve got nothing.

Let’s stop this FBI game. It’s not fun.

What do you mean, how would I, though?

Kill a dragon?

I wouldn’t.

No. But I wouldn’t.

I think the sword has a lot of advantages. I mean – it’s intimate, for one. You have to get in close. You have to know each other, smell each other, before you kill.

Of course the intimacy appeals to me.

Yes, Drench. Killer Kala is into intimacy. Why do you think I accosted you in the hotel breakfast room?

What’s more intimate than a chat with someone who’s just woken up? They’re all sleepy eyed and vulnerable and will tell you all kinds of personal stuff that they haven’t had time to put the daily mask over.

What didn’t you tell me, Curious George?

I may not know a lot of facts but I do know what you look like before coffee and I know how you are. I know you.

I’m not naïve. I know my survivalist brothers tend to not be that into their fellow human beings. It’s part of the appeal.

You know, it’s the end of the world. You’re one of the few people left. You can’t depend on anyone but yourself.

No. I am a little bit that way, too. But I’m not as bad as most.

Well, I think most people are trash but I also find them fascinating.

Aren’t we all working each other all the time?

Oh, you’re totally working me. I don’t know your angle but you’re working me.

Sure, I’m working you.

I’m hoping to have a hot quick romance with a foreign fella in a dangerous town.

Number 1 – it’ll be a good story and keep me warm at night in my old age when all of humanity is dead and I have nothing to do while skinning raccoons.

Me? Exotic?

Well – I suppose most Montanans don’t travel as far as all that. I guess I could very well be your first Montanan that way.

No. I don’t suppose you would have. Most men haven’t been with a woman who skins bears. That’d be a new one for practically every man in this bar. Probably for practically every man in this city.

How do I what?

Oh. Yeah. Catch a bear? Or kill one? Because those are two different things.

Sure. I have a code of ethics, Drench. I don’t kill it unless I can use it.

Well – bear burgers aren’t quite as tender as beef – but they’ll fill up your belly. Gotta use every bit if you’re going to take its life.

Sure – of course. Squirrel kebabs. Squirrel skin caps. I’ve got a quilt made out of all the small animals I couldn’t figure out what to do with.

It is warm as hell, my friend. The warmest blanket in all of Montana. I’d be happy to share it with you if it were here.

I have my good points.

So – Drench – why didn’t you bring your girlfriend with you on this trip?

No, not to the bar, you drip. To this crazy dragon town.

You clearly have a girlfriend and I’m just wondering why you didn’t bring her on this adventure you’re having.

Does she worry about you carrying on with exotic ladies from Montana like myself?

I figured you’d say that.

Well – you’re the “What they don’t know won’t hurt them” type, aren’t you?

You’re so much fun to mess with, Drench. Do people mess with you all the time because of that?

Just me, huh? Well. I am special. Not like the other girls, you know. That’s me. Your girlfriend would pee her pants if she met me. Maybe I should go visit her. Where was it you were from again?

Ha ha. I know you’re not from fucking Belgium. What are you doing – trying to keep me from finding your girlfriend by sending me to the wrong country?

Belgium. Give me a break. I may be provincial but I know you’re not from fucking Belgium.

Nobody’s really from Belgium, that’s why. That’s the place people use to stand in for a made up place.

No – I know it’s a real country.

Really? You’ve been there? You get around, huh?

Just give you a passport and a suitcase and off you go.

Well, Drench, you’re getting more exotic to me every minute. I might have to take you back to our hotel immediately. That is, if your girlfriend won’t object.

Well – yes – of course she would.

How’s about we walk back to the hotel and we can debate about it for a while before you finally submit to my will.

(Dragon roars. Sound of ice machine.)

*

Sergeant Ana Rengel

Getting ice was a smart move, Brent. You’re doing great. She’s a tough nut to crack but you’re keeping her on the hook. Don’t you worry about getting more information from her. We know where the meetings are. We recognize some of the guys and we’ll make a move as soon as we can.

What I need you to do, Brent, is just keep her busy. Because, Brent, any time she’s spending flirting with you is time she’s not spending killing our dragon friends.

You don’t seriously believe that, right Brent? She told you more than she should at first and now she’s trying the “I was just joking” line to avoid getting into trouble.

Right. I forget that men are not as used to being gaslit in this arena and therefore a lot more vulnerable to it.

It’s clear to all of us, Brent, and will hopefully soon be clear to you that she is a hired dragon killer. I don’t have the slightest doubt in my mind and neither should you.

Well, Brent, you don’t have to sleep with her if you don’t want to. I hope you know that we’re not asking you to.

But should you choose to keep her busy that way – just know that we’ll try not to listen. We’ll have someone monitor – just in case you get in to trouble and need to say your code word – but we try to be respectful of people’s privacy.

Well – we can call you in the guise of your overseas girlfriend if you need us to. I’ll program – uh – Brenda into your phone and if we hear you say, uh. Pineapple – we’ll call you immediately. Or rather Brenda will. It’ll really be Stephanie, though. She’s good with roleplaying – just in case Kala picks up your phone and thinks to get cute.

Now – run on back before our dragonkiller wonders where you are.

EMILY:

Hi this is Emily. I am the artistic director of Messenger Theatre Company and the creator of The Dragoning. Thank you so much for listening. We’ll bring you part two in just a moment but just wanted to make a final plea for any donations you might be able to give us. We are a 501c3. This whole project was funded by you, our listeners.

But it is not entirely funded. We still have some artists to pay. We have some like myself and others who have deferred payment until we could get it made and it would be so great to be able to pay everyone for their work.

So links are in the show notes. Our Ko-fi page is the easiest probably best situation. That is Ko-fi.com/messengertheatrecompany

You can also go directly to Pay Pal or Guidestar

Any of those will get to us.

Again we are a 501c3 so your donations are tax deductible.

Now back to the show.

Dragoning theme shifts

Episode Two

Ashley, Pizza Guy, Kala and Sgt Ana Rengel

Sound of a door opening. Bossa nova music plays on a record player.

Ashley

Come on in.

How’d it go yesterday? Wait. No. Don’t tell me. No. Tell me. Did it go well?

Good. If Sergeant Ana is satisfied – then you must have done a great job.

You may have noticed that Sergeant Ana is a little tough on men. She tends to think they can’t do anything right – so if she’s pleased with you, you must have been amazing.

I mean – I already think you’re pretty amazing. So it’s only confirmation of what I already suspected.

I don’t know what all those radical dragons are on about.

Oh, you know. Some of my dragon groups have some real radicals in them. There’s a whole contigent that can’t tolerate men at all. Like at all. They are so glad to be dragons, I can’t even tell you. They don’t even want a cure. They like being dragons and never want to stop.

They say they like the new order of things.

Oh, you know, they do things they never did in their previous lives.

I don’t know. Sort of – like going to the grocery store late at night. One of them said she goes running at midnight now. They walk home alone from the bar. It’s not very exciting stuff if you ask me, I don’t know why they’re so excited. There’s one who’s, like, ecstatic to take the bus. The bus! The bus, Brent! Have you ever been excited to take a bus, Brent?

No. Me neither. The bus.

I don’t know. I think they might really resist any efforts to cure them. There’s been talk of infiltrating the scientific teams working on the project. I mean – I agree that a dragon DNA test would be catastrophic. We’d all be forced into a dragon concentration camp as quick as they could withdraw the needle. So…there’s some benefit to us to knowing what’s happening in those labs.

And they’ve got this idea of settling some score. They have a chart where they track the dragon kills on one side and the number of women killed last year and they’re planning a celebration when the numbers even out.

Seriously, they’re gonna have a cake, throw a party with decorations and a DJ. It’s called Parity Day.

No – it’s a lonnng way off.

Whenever I feel guilty about what my dragon has done, I just think about that list and how unlikely it is that we’ll have Parity Day before the end of the year.

I don’t know. It helps. It helps.

Oh, I ordered a pizza for us – I figured we should eat here in case we needed to discuss any dragon related details.

Sound of a door buzzer

Dang. That was superfast. They’re here already.

Sound of a dragon transition

Door opening

A wolf whistle

Pizza Guy

Damn – when the guys from the group sent me down here with a large pepperoni, they should have warned me I was delivering to a hot chick.

Ashley

I’m sorry. Sorry.

Sound of Sorry transforming into a dragon.

Pizza guy

Wha – wegh – arghhhhhhhhhhh.

Sound of dragon swallowing pizza guy.

Sound of Kala clapping

Kala

Wow. You just swallowed him whole, dragon girl. Very impressive. If I could do that, I totally would. Can I come in? I just want to talk.

I can see I’ve confused you. I’m coming in. We don’t want your neighbors getting ideas, do we?

Nice place you got here. A little singed. You run into some trouble? I can see the scorch marks lead back to –

Oh shit. Drench? Is that you?

What are you doing in a dragon’s apartment?

Don’t answer that. Just give me a sec with this dragon. There. That little gizmo should keep you from switching back to lady form and spoiling my plans. Now you, Drench, probably want to get out of here if you don’t want that dragon to eat you. I cannot wait to hear the story of how you ended up here. You need to go.

What do you mean, “No”? You trying to commit suicide, hotshot? You’re no match for this dragon. That “pizza guy” has been training for months and you saw how he fared.

Sound of destruction. Sound of dragon swipe.

She’s not going to hurt me.

Hey, hey – what are you doing, dragon? Did you just swipe at me with your dragon claws? That’s not allowed.

Don’t care about rules, huh, dragon?

Crash.

First you let this man here live and now you’re swiping at me with your claws. Is everything I’ve been told wrong?

Well – it doesn’t matter because this is a very sharp sword and it should work on just about anything. I can’t guarantee your safety, though, Drench – so I’m going to suggest you depart ASAP.

Sounds of dragon destruction continue throughout.

What is your problem? Why are you here at my job preventing me from doing what I have to do? Do I go to your job and bother you?

Wait. What? This is your girlfriend? The one who called last night from overseas? Brenda? But this chick’s name is Ashley.

How do I know? Well, we got a tip.

From who? None of your business. Some guy. I don’t know. Maybe a cab driver? The group pays big for tip offs. Anyway – it’s none of your business and if you’d just let me get back to killing your girlfriend I’d really appreciate it.

Drench. I don’t kill people. I kill animals. For survival. And this animal here is a threat to the survival of human beings.

Yes. All human beings. Damn, haven’t you read the news?

The dragons kill men, you doofus – which maybe you hadn’t noticed – but you happen to be one of.

Sure. I suppose I had noticed you were still alive. And this dragon seems weirdly more interested in protecting you than she is in killing you. I do see that. But I also recognize that that is aberrant behavior. So you got yourself a weird one. You really do like exotic women, huh, Drench?

That one there is about as exotic as they come. Scales, claws, tail. Wouldn’t be for me, let me say that.

Now – don’t do that, Drench. One of the advantages of grappling with animals is that they don’t tend to plead for their lives – they just fight for them.

I have a job to do.

Brent. I can’t. I like you but I can’t. I’ve taken those boys’ money. They gave it to me in good faith. I have to come back with a dragon heart and scales or it’ll be hell to pay.

I’m going to need you to stand aside. I do not want to hurt you but I will if I have to.

Dragon transition sound

Sound of police entering the apartment

*

Sergeant Ana Rengel

Drop the sword, Kala. Brent, come here to me.

Kala, you are out gunned. And I know you know your way around a gun – so you can see for yourself what I’m aiming at you and what my deputies have as well.

Sound of sword dropping.

That’s it, sister. You know what’s good for you. And I’m going to suggest you keep your mouth shut, as well. Consider it a Friends of the Dragon reading of your Miranda rights. You are under arrest under my authority as the Chief of the Dragon Protectorate and as you are now under our authority. I’d suggest you not make anything worse on yourself.

Well, Brent, I see why your friend here calls you Curious George – but I’m going to take her down to our headquarters and let the officers there work out how to handle this situation.

It’s possible – if this one comes quietly and tells us some things we need to know, they might go easy on her. It’s also possible they’ll throw the dragon book at her, I don’t know.

Stephanie – I’m going to need you to collect that doo-dad from Ashley’s ear there.

Well, Brent – it’s a particularly irritating piece of tech that basically sends a highly irritating vibrational sound directly into a dragon’s brain, thus keeping them in a perpetual state of dragon agitation. It’s basically like having someone saying “Well, actually –“ in your brain over and over and over again.

I’m not sure what kind of sicko dude bro came up with it but when Ashley returns to her form, she’s going to be pretty much passed out. Can you look out for her until she comes around?

Normally, I’d leave a deputy to do that but we’ve got quite a lot to do now that we’ve collected this dragon killer right here.

Thank you for your service, Brent.

Killer glare you got there, Kala. Come on. Let’s go.

Dragon transition sound.

Sound of airplane seatbelt sound.

*

Ashley

Thanks for giving me the window seat.

Everyone’s got headphones on already. They just got on the plane and bloop!

It’s just been so long since I’ve been on a plane! And I’ve never been overseas before. I can’t wait to be – like – above the ocean. That’s – like – flying! Oh. It IS actually, flying, isn’t it? We’re going to take off and fly. So cool.

I’m good. I’m feeling good. I took that muscle relaxant – which I’ve been advised will minimize the risk up here. That and my training should mean we’re okay. Thank you for taking the risk to travel with me. I didn’t realize how scary it was going to be to be doxxed like that. And you know the council felt the risk of flying was better than hanging around being a target for all the haters. And weirdly safer for you, too, it seems.

No – I’m excited! I’ve never really been on a vacation before. Not as an adult anyway. And to get to meet your parents, too? Man. This is more than I could have hoped for.

Anyway – I’m grateful to get to see your homeland. No, I don’t think I’ll be – um – patient zero there. For one, I won’t be the first.

They didn’t tell you?

Oh, there’s a whole club. They’ve just been really good at keeping it under wraps. They’re meeting us at the airport.

And, I think, my sweet hero, your fear will be enough to sate them all.

Oh. I’m sure your parents will be fine. Your dad’s not a douchebag, right?

No. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Why would they have any reason to interact?

Listen – the contingent there hasn’t had one single public exposure so far. Why would an interaction with your dad at the airport be the thing to kick it off? It’s ridiculous. No way.

No way. Not a chance.

I’m not worried. Not at all. Not at all.

Not at all.

It’s fine.

It’ll be fine.

Sound of plane taking off

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Piano. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This final episode featured Nancy Nagrant as Kala, Vickie Tanner as Sergeant Ana Rengel, Emily Harford as Ashley and Max Arnaud as Pizza Guy.

This was our final episode of The Dragoning. Or at least the final episode of Season One. If you liked it, please tell someone about it. Review in your favorite podcast app. Give us all the stars you can. It’s all very helpful in helping other people find the podcast. Thank you so much for listening.

This entire podcast was recorded pandemic style with extreme social distancing in that everyone recorded and worked from home.

Everyone involved in this podcast is from the theatre and as you may be aware theatre has been shut down now for quite some time.

So we are very grateful to be able to continue to share something with you and this podcast in particular.

Thank you so much for listening.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Nine - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Nine

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Nine. Jenny, Sergeant Ana Rengel and Ashley.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a van door.)

*
Episode 9

Jenny

Oh hey! I remember you. I picked you up from the woman-haters club the other day.

No, no. It’s not actually called that. Sorry. Their sign just makes me laugh.

No way? One of those guys has a girlfriend? And she embroidered them that sign? Wow. Straight people are so weird.

You’re right. Those guys especially.

How’s it been going since the last time I saw you? Looks like you managed to injure yourself. What happened? You get dragon clawed?

Is it? Damn. And I think of myself as so original. I guess the joke of a dragon clawing is that no one just gets clawed. I don’t think there has ever been any such thing. You’re either eaten or ashes. A clawing would be a miracle. So you see why we all think that’s an hilarious joke we’re all apparently making those days. And we all know that the more you have to explain a joke, the funnier it is.

Yeah – before dark the shuttle’s pretty quiet. I don’t know why, really.  Dragons aren’t particularly nocturnal. You’re just as likely to get eaten during the day as you are at night – but the night adds extra scare, I guess.

Maybe there’s something about the dark. Or maybe it’s just like – if you’re going to be eaten by a dragon in the middle of the day, at least there will be witnesses. Someone might see it.

No, not you specifically. I don’t think you’re the get eaten type.

Did I? That’s funny. I didn’t realize I was out here trying to work out eating odds on you and probably everyone else.

I don’t know. The guys at the woman haters club are fairly likely candidates.

No, good point. I bet fear is pouring off them 24-7. I’m surprised dragons don’t just hang out outside that place lapping it up.

Yeah. You’re right. Probably too obvious. Good point.

Huh? Good question. I mean…you’re right. This shuttle tends to be full of fearful men. Maybe dragons do think about riding it to get a dose.

Right. Or drive it. Funny.

Well, you can rest assured. It would seem that there’s no shortage of fear anywhere out here, so dragons don’t need to hang out in any particular place to collect it. Mostly it comes to them, I’d think. We just don’t know so much, you know?

So you’re headed downtown?

You got fun plans?

Oh yeah – people back home always expect a little something, don’t they?

Yeah – I’d say Downtown is probably your best bet souvenir shopping wise. You can get models of buildings and such. T-shirts. Postcards. Key chains. And these days you can get all kinds of dragon stuff, too.

Those kinds of places always move faster than anyone. I bet you could take the pulse of a city through its souvenir shops.

I’ve seen stuffed dragons and t-shirts and hats. Someone showed me some dragon themed doll furniture the other day. And I know for sure they’ve got dragon firestarters.

Oh, you know – they use them for fireplaces and grills and things?

Yeah. Those. Everyone gets a kick out of those because the flame comes out of the dragon’s mouth when you light it.

I won’t let them use them on the bus. No way. The company has enough liability issues without people playing with open flame in here.

Here’s your stop. If you head up in that direction, you should find a few shops.

You bet. Take care. Be safe.

Awww. No problem. You’re welcome. It’s literally my job.

You, too.

(Sound of a dragon roar. Sounds of the police station.)

Sergeant Ana Rengel

*

Okay Brent. I’m going to need you to sit right there. That’s your spot. You understand? Good.

Now, Brent, I’m going to be straight up with you. I don’t trust you. It’s nothing personal. It’s just a lifetime of a bunch of ‘em behaving like shitheads and inflicting trauma and worse on the rest of us. It’s why I became a cop. Because you know who mostly does the crimes?

Well, Brent, it’s not women.

Good guess. And there is nothing more satisfying than slapping a set of cuffs on a shithead predator. Of course I have to work alongside a fair number of shithead predators in this precinct but that is another story.

So what I need to know, Brent, before we go any further in this conversation, is are you a shithead predator?

Well, they all say that, don’t they? They’re all good guys. Murderiest man I ever met was crying “But I’m a good guy” as we cuffed him.

What I want to know is – how am I supposed to believe you are actually one of the actually good guys.

Now – there you are. You’re right. There is nothing you could say and no way to prove it and the fact that you realize that suggests to me that there might be some hope for you. Good. Alright then.

You got a shot. Now, tell me why you need a dragon friendly law enforcement officer.

Dragonslayer? A woman?

Why from out of town, I wonder.

Good point. Aren’t a lot of hunters in the urban jungle.

Right. How can they be sure they got a non-dragon? Get one from out of town. Those motherfuckers. Importing a murderer.

So you want to help stop this possible genocide?

I mean – I don’t know. The dragonslayers I’ve run into so far won’t be happy until there are no dragons left. The fact that they’ve enlisted the help of a woman suggests to me that they’re taking this more seriously than they have and also that they’re getting smarter.

Are they getting smarter, Brent? Are men getting smarter?

I’m losing patience with your whole gender, Brent. Not that I had much patience in the first place but my nerves are getting thinner and thinner. They’re going to start snapping before too long. Nothing personal, Brent. Nothing personal but…anyway. We got a dragonslayer among us. What are we going to do?

You’re right. That is why you’re here. None of those bozos in the front office would lift a finger to help those girls. Not even to stop a wholesale slaughter. But you and me and the shadow police force, we can maybe do a little something. What do you know?

Right.

Okay.

A survivalist? Huh.

Sure.

Oh lord. Please tell me she’s not trophy hunting a dragonskin or some shit.

Right. We don’t know.

Packets? Huh. Did you see one?

We’ve got her identity sorted then. You’ve got her name and her company and even a few aliases.

Sure. Nicknames. And her number. Okay.

But what we don’t know are her plans.

You think you can keep working her?

Well, it sounds like you’re doing a great job getting her to talk. She clearly trusts you – as evidenced by that number in your phone – which I assume is real since she gave you her business card. Do you think you can keep this going? Maybe get a drink or something?

So. What we’ll do, Brent – is set up a little surveillance. You get a drink with her tomorrow night. We’ll wire you up and we’ll follow her, see where this meeting is.

You’ll just do what you do, Brent.

Don’t you screw us, Brent.

I’ll be listening on the wire so I’ll know if you screw us. And if you screw us, Brent. I don’t like to imagine what will happen to you. You understand me? I’m the law enforcement liaison for an association of dragons, Brent. I don’t fuck around. And neither do they. They may seem like a bunch of real sweet girls and Brent, they are. They are the sweetest girls you’ll ever meet in your life – but give them the slightest reason, Brent, and they will eat you for lunch. Literally. And maybe you think Ashley would save you – but in her dragon form, I’d be surprised if she could pick you out of a line up.

Sure. Yeah. Of course I know. You think I’d trust the word of a man just cause he said so? No. I needed the details, Brent, before I’d trust you to tell me one true word. How do I know you’re not a dragonslayer yourself, in here trying to break up the support within the police department? I don’t know what you’re about, Brent. So yeah, I got Ashley’s story about you first. Safety precautions, you know.

Listen, old habits die hard and if you came in here telling my fellow officers that you’d been attacked by a dragon, they’d believe you in a heartbeat. And they’d probably believe you if you told them about the Dragonslayer. But they wouldn’t do anything about it, Brent. They would not lift a finger to help one of my girls. Not one finger. They don’t care if the slayers are the scum of the earth – incels and Nazis and the whole disgusting nine yards. They wouldn’t bust open one of their rings if you paid ‘em a million dollars. Well – some of them might do it for a cool million but it would take that at least. I would even be willing to bet they’ve got a few guys from the force in their little dark circle. But you didn’t hear that from me.

So – let’s have you text Kala the Dragonslayer – set up the drinks. I’m going to suggest you go to The Floating Cork.

it’s quiet in there so we can get some decent sound. We can hear if you need help

It’s also around the corner from your hotel

Well – that’s a good question, Brent. Let’s have you skip breakfast with her tomorrow. Tell her you’re sorry you’re going to miss her for breakfast tomorrow but can she go for drinks tomorrow night instead?

Yeah, go ahead.

Let me see what you wrote.

Good.  Send it.

I’ll walk you out.

I don’t want any of my colleagues engaging with you. If I walk you out, they’ll think you’re my witness so they’ll leave you alone.

I’ll be in touch tomorrow.

(Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of Bossa Nova record being put on. Door opening.)

*

Ashley

Well. This is nice – having you over in the middle of the day. Come on in.

I hope you like grilled cheese because it’s about all I have in my cooking repertoire.

I feel bad making you come here for lunch but I wanted to talk about some stuff that’s probably – no, definitely better not to discuss in a restaurant.

Oh, man. That’s a genius business idea. Dragon Friendly restaurants – where we could go out and talk about real things without worrying. Because I am really not interested in learning to cook.

Listen. I just wanted to thank you for looking out for me and the others. I know Detective Ana is a little much – and I just wanted to thank you for being willing to do all you’re doing.

Oh, God, no. Not at all. Listen – you’re good at flirting. You have to use your powers for good. If mine would do any good, I’d for sure use them.

I think it’s super exciting actually. Flirt your face off tonight.  If I didn’t think it might make you self-conscious, I would totally ask to listen in, just because it’s exciting.

No, no. I won’t. I want to hear all about it in the end – but I don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize the operation.

No, I just wanted to be sure you knew this whole thing had the Ashley stamp of approval.

I don’t know. I guess if I was you and I started going out with a dragon who almost killed me when I went back to their place the first time – well, I don’t know, I’d be nervous about flirting with a slayer, even if it was to save their brethren. Or sistren in my case. Did you know that sistren was the girl version of brethren? That blew my mind when I found that out – because no one ever uses it.

Yeah – that’s right. Brethren and Sistren. I guess the sistren never mattered before.

Anyway – I’m excited for your sting operation and I just wanted to say that you should do whatever you have to do to get it done. If you have to kiss her or take her home or whatever….

Well, I’ll be jealous, of course and I’ll hate her all the more than I already do – but I can manage my jealousy, if you can manage the murderer.

What’s she like?

Wha? Wow. You just never know about people, do you? I mean, if I met someone like that at a party, I’d totally like her. And now she’s trying to kill me.

No - probably not me specifically. I don’t think I’ve been identified on their lists.

Oh, yeah. We’re trying to keep a handle on who has been exposed and how much, so we can make sure they’re extra protected. Those who’ve been doxxed by these groups are particularly vulnerable and I’m fairly confident I’m not on their lists.

They’re not too shy about letting us know when they know who we are. They’ve had a couple of decades to get good at trolling. They have a lot of practice. They’re good at hiding their own identities and good at letting us know they have ours. It’s a fairly treacherous situation. Makes me hungry for incels, I confess.

Sorry. Shouldn’t have mentioned the eating. Sorry. That was insensitive. I am hungry for this grilled cheese, though. You?

Yeah. Grilled cheese, man! I can’t cook much – but I can grill some cheese. When you go back home, you’ll have to tell them all about the dragon made grilled cheese.

Ha! Can you imagine? Oh my god. I wish I wasn’t all fear-lust and fire-torching when I was in dragon form, I would totally try a flamecooked grilled cheese.

Oh man. It would be so good. Like – charred on the outside and, like, gooey on the inside.

Thanks, Brent. You’re gooey on the inside and I like it. I’m going to be a real mess when you’re gone.

You will?

I mean. I figured you must like me a little since you hung around after I almost killed you. But you never know.

I don’t know. Like maybe I’m just a curiosity, like a fun story to tell at the bar. Like, if if I met – I don’t know – a werewolf…like, I’d be interested, you know?

Not that I have a thing for werewolves – just that it would be fun to tell the grandchildren that I dated a werewolf once. I wonder if it’s like that.

I suppose you could very well be a werewolf. The moon hasn’t been full these last few days, you could absolutely be keeping a secret like that. But I don’t think werewolves exist, so I doubt that you’re one of them.

You don’t think, if werewolves existed, they wouldn’t reach out to a bunch of dragons when we emerged to, like, ally up or something?

Well – sure. If werewolves suddenly started coming out of the woodwork, we’d definitely reach out. Definitely.

Because it’s very lonely holding secrets like this sometimes. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to hold it all on their own.

Yeah – that’s me: Sweetheart dragon heart.

Awww Thanks, my werewolf. Wanna show me your wolf qualities over there? We can promise each other not to transform in my bed.

Well, sure, werewolf…let’s go.

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Sevrin Anne Mason as Jenny, Vickie Tanner as Sergeant Ana Rengel and Emily Harford as Ashley.

Please like review and subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

This was our penultimate episode. Our next episode will be our finale. Please support us via Ko-fi, Guidestar or PayPal. Those links are in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was recorded in the fall of 2020 where we are still recording pandemic style.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Eight - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Eight

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Eight. Ray, Kala and Willie.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a taxi door.)

Ray

Hey hey. I am glad to see you, buddy. Glad to see you. How you doin’?

Oh, yeah. I see that. Real nice bandage you got on your head there. She get you with her claws?

Roller skating? What? Are you guys dating in the 50s? Man, you are just delivering firsts left and right. First guy I’ve met to date a dragon. First victim of a roller skating accident I’ve ever met. You are keeping me guessing, buddy. Keeping me guessing. You’re headed back to Davina, I assume.

Good. Good. You have a good night?

Oh sure. Yeah. I’d imagine. They give you some good pain meds at the hospital?

Sure. Rest will be the best thing for you.

You guys aren’t at the sleepover stage then.

Right. Sure. Probably requires a level of trust between you both. Do dragons transform in their sleep? Do we know this? Like, they’ve dreaming and then poof, dragon and then poof, lunch? I haven’t heard any stories like that but I don’t know – it feels possible, right? Did she say anything about transforming in her sleep?

Sure. Yeah. Right. You’re just trying to have a normal human relationship. I get that. Sorry. You know I’m just curious. Just let my imagination run a little bit wild.

Precautions? Really? Like what?

Sure yeah, you gotta know how to make a quick exit if you have to.

Oh yeah. Front door, back door, window, fire escape. Or a dragon escape! They should rename fire escapes dragon escapes! I mean – it’s not like there are never fires anymore – but a LOT of those fires are dragon related. I tell you what – I wish I’d gotten into the fireproofing business a year ago. I’d be a rich man today.

Oh, yeah. Everyone’s fireproofing everything. This cab’s been fire proofed.

Oh, it’s like a thing they paint over everything. And, like, curtains get dipped in it.

It won’t, like, stop a fire – but it won’t start one at least, you know?

I mean, I’m guessing your date’s got a fireproofed door or you wouldn’t have been able to close it that night or keep it unlocked tonight.

Yeah, if I had a time machine, I’d go back in time a year and start a fireproofing business. For sure.

They’re mostly former firefighters. Nice guys. Wish I’d gotten in business with them.

Nah, nah. I’m happy diving a cab.

Very happy. I’m lucky to have a relatively safe job where I meet interesting people like yourself. It’s just not, like, a get rich kind of job.

Doesn’t everyone?

Sure. Sure. Some just want to, like, go be monks in front of a temple or something. Or like – those dragon worshippers.

Oh, yeah, the Church of the Dragon. It’s a whole new religion. They think that God is a dragon who has replicated herself in her own image on the women of the city.

As far as I know it’s like any other church. I think they get together and sing dragon hymns, hear some preaching and pass the collection plate. I don’t know. Probably it’s like when anything mysterious kicks off, there’s always going to be someone to turn it into a religion. You better watch out – they might start to see you as a saint for dating a dragon.

No. You’re right. Not that I’d tell them. Those folks aren’t the easiest to talk to, for one thing.

Well, the church is over on High Street. I bet you could go sit in on services if you were interested. They are very welcoming to new people from what I understand. They’ve even got some missionaries out on the street.

Oh man, they’re hilarious. They put on dragon costumes and go out and play their tambourines. I don’t know why they think tambourines are the answer.

No, they never are, are they?

So – have you had any special insight into dragonhood now that you’re up close and personal with one?

Aw, come on. Just a little nugget. Your story is keeping me going this week.

No! Scented candles? Seriously?

Wait. Like, there’s actually a theory that the burning of scented candles kept the dragons from manifesting earlier?

Is that why chicks dig those things so much? They’re subconsciously keeping their dragons under wraps? Oh man. I’m going to go out and buy a dozen. Any scent in particular?

Got it. Got it. Pine or Geranium. Wow – who’d have thought?

That explains why you smelled like a forest when you got in here.

Man. I should have gone into the candle business, too, huh? Or created a whole combination scented candle/fireproofing business. Like you fireproof the place – then you light scented candles to prove it. Man, it is such a shame we can’t see the future.

Oh shit, Brent. That is a good idea. That is a damn good idea. Do you know which city Willie said is likeliest to tip next?

Oh shit. Should I move there and start a fireproofing and scented candle business?

Right. I would need some capital, sure. But you’re right – it is a little bit like being able to see the future, isn’t it? You want to go into business?

Sure. Yeah. Home is home. And you don’t want the Dragoning to come to your home. When do you fly back?

No. So soon? How am I going to get my dragon dating stories when you fly back?

You’re right. Somebody’s bound to write something sooner or later. And we’ll all be watching streaming episodes before too long. Might as well be you, Brent. You might not want to get into the fireproofing business – but maybe you want to make some TV.

Ha. You’re right. We don’t believe anything until it’s been on TV.

We’re almost there, buddy.

Do you know if Willie’s working tonight? I’m thinking I might need to have to look at his projections.

No – you’re right. If he was on the day shift, he’s probably off tonight. Look at that – you’re right. That’s not Willie. And who’d have thought – a lady doorman. What are we supposed to call a lady doorman? This new world is a lot to adjust to.

You take care, Brent. Keep your head clean.

*

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of hotel breakfast room.)

Kala

Well, good mornin’, sunshine! I saved a place for you.

No trouble. They actually have a lot of chairs here. I don’t know if you noticed.

One thing I noticed though is that big bandage on your head. Have a run in with a dragon, did you?

I knew it. Those pesky dragons are just like big housecats. You gotta watch out for the claws and teeth.

And the fire. Right.

And the jaws. How’d you hurt yourself so dramatically?

Oh. Eek – roller skates! Death on wheels. I’m glad you survived.

What?

Oh, my/your, new nickname? Well, drumroll please! It’s -  Fire Quencher. It’s slightly less violent than expected – but quencher is a fun word to hear over and over. I don’t think it’s going to stick, though. It’s too many syllables. It’ll be reduced to Quencher first and then Quench and before you know it, it’ll be switched to Drench. As in drenched in the blood of their enemies.

Oh, it’s Kala. But you can call me Fire Quencher. Or Quench. Or Drench.

Which do you prefer?

Oh – for both of us, I guess! Let’s choose one for me and one for you.

Drench and Quench. Perfect. We can be twinsies.

How do you feel about slaying dragons?

Really? Against? How curious! A man against slaying dragons? What an oddity!

Yeah. Pretty much. But not you. Why?

Ha! Women?! Hardly. Beasts, sure.

Human beings? Really?! Come on.

But I’m not a dragon.

What do you mean you can’t be sure?

Yes but I’m not.

But I’m telling you I’m not.

But I’m definitely not.

Well a dragon wouldn’t kill other dragons, would she?

I’m not supposed to talk about it.

No, I shouldn’t have said anything.

No. I have not killed a dragon.

What are you, the FBI?

Yeah, okay, Curious George.

You know what – forget “Drench” – you’re Curious George now. It suits you, don’t you think?

Don’t you?

I think it does. I’m gonna try it. I think it might stick.

We’ll get you some bananas – find you a man in a yellow hat to be friends with,  Curious George. Do you think all the Georges get called Curious George?

Well, that’s why it works, actually. If your name was George, it would be too on the nose.

I think it’ll stick. Or we could try DragonLover since you’re so into saving them.

So what if I am trying to make you forget what I said earlier? Is it working?

Damn. Me and my big mouth. They should put me back on a plane immediately to stop me talking. Well, thank you. If you’ve got secrets, I’ll keep ‘em for you.

Okay, your dragon loving secret is safe with me, Curious George.

Yeah – meetings. So many meetings these guys like to have. And packets! They’ve given me packet after packet.

I don’t know. I only glanced at them. You want to see one, Curious George?

I was kidding. I can’t show you that stuff. No way.

Because you could be FBI.

But how would I know?

Yes but how could I be sure?

Fine. You can trust that I’m not a dragon and I will trust that you’re not FBI.

It would be just like the FBI to pretend to be from somewhere where they don’t even have the FBI.

I don’t. I just watch a lot of cop shows on TV.

Not really, no. Why would the FBI be concerned about me? Suburban Real Estate in Montana is not really their jurisdiction.

I don’t think survivalists are their concern either.

Maybe the FBI would be interested in you.

I don’t know – maybe we should call them and ask them who they’d like to talk to more. Me or you.

Ha! Yeah. “Yes. This is the Federal Bureau of Investigations. How can I help you?”

“Let me get this straight. You’re asking me who the FBI would be more interested in – a guy from a foreign country who is a dragon-lover or a girl from Montana who sells real estate and skins rabbits.”

“Tough one. I’d say it’s a toss up.”

You could be right.

Oh, him? The guy getting coffee earlier? I thought he was just a trucker. But now that you mention it, that would be a good disguise. Was he paying particular attention to either one of us?

Placing a bug on the coffee maker maybe? I don’t know. What would they do if they were casing us?

But how should I know?

You’re the spy.

I can talk into my sleeve just as well as you. I don’t think you have any surveillance equipment in there at all. I don’t think anyone’s listening and frankly. I’m a little disappointed.

Like I’m gonna tell you where my meeting is today. You think I want to be FBI surveilled?

I know what I said.

Anyway – we’re at some super secret headquarters so it would take some high level spy shit to surveil there.

Well – that’s the point of super secret.

Well – that it’s secret.

Yes. Super secret.

Oh, they search everyone when they come in.

Yes. Even Me.

Well – Curious George –

If you’re angling for an invitation to my meeting, you can give it up already because I am not bringing you.

What do you think this is? You think I can bring a date to a super secret meeting? Like, I arrive and I’m like “This is my plus one?” You think it’s like that?

No. It’s not. And if you’re trying to ask me out by inviting yourself to my meeting, it’s not going to work.

No, no. I absolutely require dinner first if I’m going to invite people to secret meetings.

No, hotel breakfast doesn’t count.

Because they give it to us for free, Drench. There’s no investment in a hotel breakfast.

So where are we going, Drench? I’m free at 6.

What kind of plans? Sorry –  it’s none of my business. But I bet the FBI knows what you’re up to. Let me just ask my sleeve here. Oh, they say you’re hanging out with a dragon coven getting ready for a dragon orgy.

Does it? I don’t know. To each his own.

No, no – that’s fine. I’m still here tomorrow morning. You?

Good.

My number? Sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Give me your phone, I’ll put it in.

Ha. Nice wallpaper, Curious George. What is that?

What?! That’s a real bar you actually went to? And a bar for guys has an embroidered sign like that? He-man woman haters club? What is that?

Folks are funny around here. And wherever it is you come from.

Here you go.

Yeah. I figured you wouldn’t know who Kala was – but Quench? I’m the only Quench in your phone. Now you call me so you know it’s real and so I have your number.

Well, I don’t trust my FBI intel, Curious George.

Great. Now you’re in my phone as well.

Well – your full name: Curious George Drench.

If I don’t hear from you, I’ll just see you here around about this time tomorrow.

Enjoy the dragon orgy, Drench.

(sound of dragon roar. Sound of hotel door closing.)

Willie

Glad to see you, too, buddy.

Really? What’s up?

Sure. Former police hat on. No prob.

Yep. Don’t see a soul.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh wow.

Gosh.

I don’t know.

I quit the force before these kinds of questions got really settled. And, I’ll be honest, buddy, the laws haven’t really caught up to the existence of dragons yet. It’s kind of the wild west out there as far as dragons go.

I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t know that you’d get very far by reporting an intended dragon murder. I don’t think that’s a sting operation waiting to happen.

It sounds like you’ve managed to get a fair amount of intel already. So what are you hoping to do?

Stop a dragonslaying, huh? Boy, the tourist experience gets more complex by the minute, doesn’t it? “What’d you do while you were away?” “Oh, you know – went on a dragon tour, went roller skating and stopped a dragonslaying!”

I wish I could help you. A lot of the guys left in the police force aren’t particularly sympathetic to dragons.

I feel like your best bet would be to go to the dragons themselves – if you could find them.

Straight to a dragon? Really. Wow. You work fast, my man. You work fast. Well. I’d give her your intel and let the dragons take care of themselves. They’re pretty tough, you might have worked out. They don’t tend to need heroes.

Is that what you’re after? Become the hero of the dragons?

No. no. I hear you. It doesn’t seem right. I’m sympathetic to their situation. Not sure I’d go so far as to save them – but I admire your conviction.

Sure – you’re right. They’re just sweet young women. But they do have deadly proclivities. I feel like it’s important to keep that in mind. But I absolutely understand. I get it. We all have to find our way through this new thorny world, we all have to grapple with who we feel deserves to live or die. Who do we worry about more, the woman who may be dragon – or the man who may be dragon food? We’ve been trained to protect women, to walk them home, keep them away from harm. What are we supposed to do when they ARE the harm? But only sometimes?

I’m just saying it’s not always clear to me. I saw the damage men were doing before – I suppose it’s high time women got the chance to do some damage.

But if one killed my brother, I might become vengeance myself.

Sorry. We were talking about what to do about this possible dragon slayage – where dragon slayage is not a thing we want.

Oh. Oh. I’ve heard rumors of something called the Dragon Protectorate – there’s some talk among my old buddies in the force. They don’t know what to do about it – but a whole shadow police force makes them very twitchy.

They’re not breaking any laws – it’s just a group of people looking out for the dragons- and there’s nothing illegal about that. But my buddies in the force are on the look out around it.

Yeah – exactly – no one hates vigilantes more than the guys in charge of keeping the peace. It’s both an insult and a challenge to their authority. But of course if they can’t or won’t help a whole swath of the population, they have to expect a shadow force to appear. But you don’t need the ins and outs of law enforcement in the dragon age. You just need to pass your info on to someone who can use it.

I’d suggest asking your dragon contact how to reach the dragon protectorate. That’s the way to do it. Yeah.

No problem. Happy to help. Keep me posted.

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Ned Massey as Ray, Nancy Nagrant as Kala and Julian Rozzell as Willie.

Please like review and subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

And to make sure there are future episodes to listen to, please support us via Ko-fi, Guidestar or PayPal. Those links are in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was created in the summer of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Seven - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Seven

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Seven. Kala and Dr. Andrea Hester.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a hotel breakfast room.)

Kala

Do you know where they put the butter? I can never figure these buffet type breakfasts out.

Thanks. So much butter!

Hey, you mind if I join you? I was on a plane for way too long yesterday so I worry I’ve lost my ability to string words together. I would love to try it on you, if you don’t mind being my test subject.

Thank you. I appreciate the hospitality.

Oh, I came in from Montana. It shouldn’t technically be so long a flight but with the connections and the layovers – you know how it is.

Yeah. Born and raised. I’m a Big Sky Girl through and through.

Oh, well. Some folks got in touch with me to see if I couldn’t help them out with a little project. Bought me a plane ticket and everything. I’ve never been out here so I said what the heck. Do they come around with coffee or do we get it ourselves?

Got it. Can I refill you?

My pleasure. You’re nice enough to let me yammer at you first thing in the morning, I can refill your coffee cup.

What’s that? Oh. I’m not supposed to say. Apparently it’s some big secret.

How’d you guess?

Yeah, I guess you’re right – everything out here is dragon related these days. How long have you been here?

Wow. Just a few days and you seem like a native to me. I guess I have a lot to learn.

How do you like it?

Yeah. It looked real pretty from the plane. And everyone I’ve met so far has been real nice.

No truthfully – it’s you, the hotel staff and cab driver so far but that’s a good start! And I haven’t been attacked by a dragon yet, so I’m doing great.

What do you mean?

Oh. Right. They only go after men. Bunch of feminazi dragons I guess. Do you recognize them by their hairy legs?

I’m joking. I’m joking. I don’t know anything about dragons. We don’t have them out in Montana. I don’t know a single thing about them.

Me? Real Estate agent.

Oh. It’s not my real estate skills they’re after.

Well. I’m a survivalist.

You don’t?

Well. We learn how to take care of ourselves out in the wild – just in case civilization comes crashing down or we just decide to retreat into the woods – we know how to SURVIVE, you know.

Ha, ha. There’s no butter in the wild. I know how to get by without it, my friend.

Animal fats can usually do the job but I wouldn’t necessarily put it on toast. Of course there’s no toast either so that’s fine.

Sure – hunting, fishing, foraging, trapping, building. All sorts of stuff. You want a coat made of bearskin, I’m your girl.

I’ve taught loads of people. We run a little training camp in the summertime where we teach people stuff.

Oh, you know – how to skin a rabbit, how to build a lean to, how to make a fire. Just basics, you know.

We tried a winter course once but we didn’t get that many signed up and half of our students ended up in the hospital with frostbite so we just stick to the summers now. I wouldn’t put my life in those students’ hands, no sir. The thing is, for liability reasons, we can’t actually put them in the danger they need to be in to learn. So…we give ‘em little tastes.

Sure. Yeah. Never go to a city without a business card!

Here you go. That’s me – the associate director. You think you ever want to come out to the woods, you just let me know.

You’re right – most survivalists are men. I’m one of the few. Makes me a rarity. Very special.

Well, my daddy was a survivalist. He taught me everything he knew. Left me in the woods on my 11th birthday and expected me to find my way home.

You bet. It took me two weeks but yes I did make it home.

I was a little banged up and frostbitten but I made it.

Sure, but it made me pretty tough. I wouldn’t trade it. They call me The Huntress at my office. My wilderness skills serve me in the wilds of suburbia at times, too. I can be ruthless.

I don’t know. Are you a mid-level real estate agent in Montana? Because those folks gotta watch out! And bears, of course. I won’t take any shit from a bear.

I wear my skins, they almost never bother me. They’re not looking to become part of my wardrobe. They know what’s good for them.

I mean. I don’t go bear hunting really. I go out into the wild – if a bear makes trouble for me, I take care of it. It’s her or me.

Mostly the male bears leave me alone. I don’t like to engage with mother bears – but they wouldn’t hesitate to end me so…I do what I have to. I’m not sentimental.

They’ve got aunties, haven’t they? You think a baby bear wouldn’t eat your face off given half a chance? He would.

Sorry. That’s probably not nice morning hotel chat. I told you I needed some practice.

Well, a plane is very different than the woods. I could go without talking for weeks in the woods and it wouldn’t matter. One day surrounded by people not talking on a plane and I’m liable to lose my mind.

Don’t you? I mean – out in the woods there is no one to talk to. If you want to talk, you talk to the trees, you talk to the rabbits, you talk to yourself. On an airplane, it’s a whole lot of people not talking. The activity there is not talking. No one wants to talk on a plane. While it’s quiet in the woods, I could actually talk all day if I wanted to. And sometimes I do. Sorry. Chatterbox Kala they call me.

Sure. Or The Huntress. Good memory. You’re right.

No? They seem consistent to me. The Chatterbox Huntress? Hmmm. I’m not sure that would quite strike the fear into their hearts that I’d hope for. Do you have any nicknames? Or just a name?

Nice to meet you, Brent. I won’t call you Bent Brent. It’s not the most descriptive nickname, is it?

I’ll work on it. I attract nicknames like a magnet. Always have. Some people are just nicknameable I think. You – not so much. I can see that. But I’m a pro. I’ll find you a nickname, don’t you worry.

If nothing else, I can give you one of my cast offs. I can pretty much bet you that I will have a new nickname by the end of the day and I will gift it to you.

Yeah. You might not want it, that’s true. I was known as Granny Panties to a select group of people at one point. I can pretty much guarantee you don’t want a nickname like that.

You just don’t seem the type. Don’t you think so, Granny Panties?

See. It would never stick. But I’m pretty sure that’s not what I’ll be coming back with later.

These guys I’m meeting with – they seem like the sort who’ll give me a kind of tough guy name so they feel okay about bringing in a girl. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be something in the neighborhood of Killer or Bruiser or Big K.

Well. I’ve got a lot of practice with these types. I know how they roll.

No – I don’t know them personally. I know their dollar bills, my friend. I know their George Washingtons but even more important, I know their multiple Benjamin Franklins. You know those guys?

Oh. Right. I should have worked out from the accent you’re not from here. Franklin’s on the hundred dollar bill.

Yep. It’s all about the Benjamins, baby. Oh God, is that the time? I got to get to my meeting. Thank you, Brent, for being a great breakfast companion. Maybe I’ll see you here tomorrow morning?

Yeah. I’ll give you my new nickname then.

(Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of a hospital curtain being pulled closed)

*

Dr. Andrea Hester

Let’s have a look at you.

Oh boy, you sliced up your eyebrow pretty good, huh? Wow. Well, you did a good job not breaking your nose – so if your eyebrow had to pay the price, it was the lesser of the evils.  Now – what happened?

Roller skating, huh? Wow. We don’t see a lot of roller skating injuries in here. How’d you manage it?

No kidding. Tripped over your own skates. Wow. How’s the other guy?

Sorry. That’s a joke. We see a lot of guys in here who love to tell us how much worse off the other guy is. She’s alright, then?

In the waiting room – okay. Well, you shouldn’t be too much longer. I’m going to stitch this up and you can be on your way. You’ll just want to go get the stitches out with your regular doctor in about a week.

You want to bring her in to hold your hand while I sew you up?

Okay, then. Let’s get this taken care of. You’re doing great, Brent. We’re almost there.

Good.

Good.

You’re all set.

Now – before I send you on your way – I have to acknowledge that I have noticed some minor burns and burnt hair as well as some curious bruising.

I recognize you may not be in a position to discuss it – but I do recognize the signs of dragon contact.

No need to explain anything. I just want to make sure that you have the resources you need if you run into trouble. There are safe houses that are, essentially, dragon proof. If you need help extracting yourself to get there, you need only say the word and volunteers can escort you there right now.

You’re sure.

Okay. Well. I’m giving you a small flyer hidden in this packet about your stitches – the flyer will give you a number to call in case you need it.

No problem, Brent. Please take good care of yourself.

And just know that there are mechanisms in place to help you if you need.

We don’t see a lot of dragon violence, no. The dragons don’t often leave much behind. But – there are the occasional bystanders, sort of collateral damage, as it were.

And there are a few, I don’t know what to call them…maybe domestic situations? Friends of, followers of. We don’t know if everyone is in a situation of their own free will. Which is why we have to ask.

Do you have a support network in place?

We recommend putting the safe house in your phone under another name.

Just anything that you’ll remember that won’t strike someone as suspicious. A lot of my patients have gone with “Gus” for some reason.

Why don’t you go ahead and put it in, just while we’re here, you know?

Gus will be so pleased you have his number.

Now listen – take care. And stay off those skates for a while until you’re healed up a bit.

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Nancy Nagrant as Kala and Sally Beaumont as Dr. Andrea Hester.

Please like review and subscribe in your favorite podcast app, especially Apple.

And to make sure there are future episodes to listen to, please support us via Ko-fi, Guidestar or PayPal. Those links are in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was created in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the world.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Six - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Six

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Six. Willie and Ray.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a bar.)

Willie

Well, this is a surprise. After your night last night, I thought you’d be on a plane by now.

Sure, yeah, those rescheduling fees are a bear, no doubt.

You doing alright? Got the smoke out of your hair? Some aloe for those burns?

Good. Good. I’m real glad to hear it. And I’m very happy to see you here at the Pitcher, too. I bet you didn’t recognize me at first out of my doorman get up. But here I am – just regular Willie, not Doorman Willie. Oh, say, I’m just coming from office hours with my professor, so I just happen to have projections on me. You still interested in looking at those?

I don’t want to force them on you. You are under no obligation to actually look at these if you don’t want to.

Yeah see here – you see this graphic – that’s how it happened here, in terms of reported sightings. And you know that it was going on a long while before there was a sighting. You can see how the growth is just, off the charts exponential. This is us now. Yeah. It’s pretty serious. I guess I’m hoping that this chart will reverse at some point but…

Yeah. So. Here are 7 other cities that have reported dragon sightings – unofficially, of course. Officially this is the only city with dragons – but unofficially? Mmmph. I mean, other cities don’t have a box on their paperwork and no one wants to believe it so…the combination of denial and bureaucratic obstacles, well.

I mean, I’ve seen it first hand. I know how this stuff goes.

We had months and months of missing men before we knew it was dragons.

So – yeah – what we have here are charts of the missing in these seven cities. I was able to track down those numbers with my old credentials – don’t tell anyone.

But yeah, you can see that the missing in these cities are rising. These are the dates I expect a confirmed dragon sighting will occur in each place.

Oh, just that they’re big and I have old colleagues I could call on there. If I had access to the missing persons supports in other cities, I’d add them to the list. The software I’m developing could spit that out in a jiffy – provided I could hook it up to the right data.

This one here. This is the next one, I think. This city has reached a peak level of missing and I would put money on confirmed dragon reports before the month is out. They won’t be able to call us Dragon City much longer, no sir. I do not think so.

Oh hey, Morgan. How’re you doing?

I’ll have another amber, I think. Just real quick. What are you drinking, Brent?

Can I get you another one?

Whiskey, huh? You getting your courage up for something?

A date! Well well well. Come to Dragon City and get lucky. Very nice, my man, very nice.

Here? Oh, man – should I split?

Alright. I’ll keep her seat warm for you for a bit. But I am heading out soon anyway. Where’d you meet her?

No kidding. Here? At the Silver Pitcher? Do I know her?

Right. How would you know who I know? What’s her name? If you don’t mind me prying.

Ashley. Cute dancer works in the box office? Ashley?

Sure I do. She’s a regular like me. Been through a lot here. She’s great. That’s great. I’d love to see her with a nice guy.

Not sure it’s for me to say. But I’ve seen her suffer from some real assholes. It’s been a while, though. She seems sort of buoyed up. Less likely to get sweet talked by some douche bag. I shouldn’t be spilling her business. Just know that I think the two of you are a great idea. Great.

Oh you know how it is – a lot of people end up dating the people they see every day – so she ended up with a lot of self-involved actor types coming through that theatre she works at. A couple of directors, too, I think. Personally, I didn’t care a bit for a single one of them. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any of those guys in a while. Maybe Ashley got the Pitcher in the break-ups. Now she’s going out with you, you might have to stay, my friend. A bright spark like that.

Me? No. She’s not my type.

Well. She’s the wrong gender for one thing.

Nah, man. It’s all good.

I mean, you must be pretty brave to go out on a date so soon after a dragon attack. If I went out with a guy who transformed into something when I was out with him, I’m not sure I’d be back at the bars the next night to meet someone new. So – you know – you’re right back on the horse and I admire that, man. I really do. My hat is off to you.

Brave. Stupid. Sometimes there’s no difference between them in my experience. But let’s go with brave for you. Maybe get you another whiskey. And you’ve got nothing to worry about. Your date is a sweetheart. Oh, there’s Ashley. I’ll say hi to her on my way out. Good luck, my man.

(sound of dragon roar. The sound of a taxi door closing.)

*

Ray

My buddy! I’d have thought you’d be on a plane across the ocean by now! After all your troubles you decided to stay!

And you don’t seem to be newly scorched! Did you manage to get through the night without getting dragoned?

Ha ha! “More or less.”  Yeah. I like that. More or less. Even when we’re not getting dragoned, we’re still getting dragoned, am I right?

Man, I am so glad to see you’re alright. If you could have seen your face last night. Oh boy. You were pretty shaken up. I’ve never been to war but I’m guessing that’s what soldiers look like after a battle. Your face might have scared me right off women for a while.

Not you you guess? Are you telling me you’ve been out hooking up with the ladies tonight?

Okay. Okay. Just one. Not the same one as last night, I hope?

What?! Are you kidding me? You went out with a dragon woman after she nearly killed you the night before?

You got some balls. I’m impressed. I saw you last night. It’s not like you weren’t shaken up. I never knew somebody who was struck by lightning and then went to hang out where they got hit. Damn, man. You really did it, huh? You went out with a known dragon?

No, no, I won’t tell a soul. Don’t you worry.

I was just joking around. I didn’t realize I was going to hit on the big old dragon truth there. You mind my asking what it’s like? I mean, I’ve probably been with a dragon or two but just wouldn’t know it, you know. I mean, the odds being what they are. But you went out with her with full dragon knowledge.

Sure you were. I’d have been shaking in my damn boots. But that’s good, that fear’ll keep you safe.

Right. Right. Because she turned dragon due to your lack of it. Right. So now you’ve got it, no problem. And now you’ll have a hell of a story to tell when you get home. Smart man. Smart. But how’d you get your courage up?

Yeah. Whiskey is a miracle, no question. Wait. Wait. You went and got an official apology?

Apology pavilion? What? I never heard of it. I guess I’ve never taken anyone there.

Oh! The Men’s Warehouse over on 12th. I’ve taken a few people there. I thought it looked a lot different than the usual ones.

Right. They don’t want dragon stalkers coming in, night and day.

No, hell, no. No media. Right. So it’s an Apology Pavilion? And you went and got an apology so good you went out with the dragon dame again?!

No, no, don’t worry. I’m not a blabber. I don’t need a bunch of dragons mad at me for squealing on their attempts to make things right. That is not trouble I’m looking for that is for sure.

Well, I’m gonna guess that your filters are a little burned out from the trauma and the stimulation and what if you’re falling in love with a dragon in a foreign country? Long distance is bad enough  - but long distance with a dragon?

Sorry. I shouldn’t joke. This could well be your life now. Date a dragon, change your life.

Well, you must like her a little bit to risk your life like that, my man!

You can say that again. You can say that again. I bet you’ve never experienced anything like it before. You and probably no one else in the world, man. You’re like Neil Armstrong, man. First man to land on the dragon! They’re gonna make a statue of you. And when they do, I can finally be like, “Yeah! I drove that guy!”

But you are, man. You’re a pioneer. You’ll be able to write a goddamn book. Or have someone write it for you and you can put your name on the front of it. “How to Date a Dragon.” Well, that’s assuming you survive long enough to get a book written.

Sorry about my gallows humor, my man. I get a little carried away sometimes. I’m sure it’ll all work out and you’ll get married and have little dragon babies.

I know. I know. I’m sorry. But dragon babies would be cute, don’t you think?

Sorry. Do you have plans to see each other again?

No kidding. Tomorrow? You move fast.

Oh. Good point. You’re not here long enough to take anything slow.

I get it. I had a fling on a trip to the Dominican Republic once and I saw her every night. Every glorious night, my man.

Nope. That was it. We tried calling and letters and all that but the fire was out. Ha, fire! Like you were on last night! Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn’t tease you. You’re just trying to get back to your hotel after you date with the dragon who set you on fire.

You don’t mind a little ribbing, right?

Good. Good. I try to keep my jokes in check with the ladies these days so I get a little pent up and then sometimes I go a little overboard. But you’re alright, dragon lover. You’re alright. And I’m glad that you call me because I get to stay up to date with the drama.

Oh, the shuttle? Yeah. They do cut into our business a little bit but I don’t begrudge them. If it helps keep people safe in dangerous situations, I don’t mind losing a few bucks. I really don’t. And they only operate out of a few locations. They won’t come pick you up at your dragon date’s apartment, for example.

No, no, man. Don’t worry. I’m a cab driver not a Dragon Slayer.

Oh, you haven’t heard of those guys? Oh man. Bunch of vigilantes – they stake out dragons and murder them.

Well, they find them in their woman form and get them before they realize what’s happening. They see themselves as heroes ridding the city of danger. But if you ask me, they’re a bunch of dicks.

It’s a dangerous world here now. Hard to know who to trust.

There she is – the glorious Hotel Davina. Hope I see you after your next one, my man. You’re keeping me entertained like nobody’s business.

Thank you. Thank you. And you take care.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie and Ned Massey as Ray.

Please like review and subscribe in your favorite podcast app, especially Apple.

And to make sure there are future episodes to listen to, please support us via Ko-fi, Guidestar or PayPal. Those links are in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was created in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Five - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Five

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Five. Ashley.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a door being closed and locked.)

Ashley

Sorry.

Thank you for agreeing to come here, for coming to see me. I know it must be trying. I’m lucky you didn’t get right on a plane to go home.

Tonight? Well. I’m lucky I caught you before you went. And I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to apologize. I’m just so sorry to have lost control. I’m sure it was very upsetting to have to run like that and I’m really glad you did. Thank you for running.

Not everyone would. I’m just so sorry you had to. I didn’t think you would. Have had to. Sorry. I’ve been working really hard on getting a handle on the dragon in me and I thought I had it, I really did – otherwise I’d have never have risked taking you home with me, I hope you understand that. I’m just so sorry. I over estimated my own control and I under estimated what a difference your being from elsewhere would make.

Well, men here – even if they appear confident and secure – there’s enough of an undercurrent of fear that I can keep my dragon fed and under wraps. You had no fear at all. And I found it refreshing and, honestly, kind of a turn on. But my dragon did not. Obviously. And the dragon stepped over all the controls I have in place. I promise – I did not want to kill you – though I’m sure it seemed that way. It’ s just that my dragon and I are not always in agreement about men. And I am sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me - but I did want you to know that I deeply regret putting you at risk. I’m really sorry. Especially since you’re so cute and I really wanted to spend more time with you.

No. Sorry. Sorry. This is the Apology Pavilion. It is for Apologies. It is not for flirting. I’m sorry. Really. Really sorry.

Oh. Well – not long after The Dragoning started, when the dragons found that they often wanted to apologize to those they injured – or to the loved ones of the injured – it always went badly. They just re-traumatized everybody. They couldn’t convince anyone to meet them because of the risks. But as you saw, this place is constructed to withstand fire and claws and teeth and so we can safely converse, we can apologize with the peace of mind that even if we turn dragon, the glass will hold and we will not re-victimize whomever we were hoping to make amends with.

It is a good demonstration, isn’t it? We call Norman our honorary dragon since he does such an amazing job shooting the flame thrower and scratching at the glass. Anyway, gosh, I’m rambling again, I’m sorry. It’s just that I like you, Brent, and I actually wanted to just spend more time with you and instead I’ve traumatized you for life.

Oh, speaking of which – if you want, you can see a therapist who specializes in dragon attacks. There are some brochures on your side of the glass there. I think Dr. Wingate works via the phone – so you could probably even consult with her when you get back home. I mean, she’s a dragon, too – so – you know – full disclosure -  but you’re 100% safe on a phone. There’s also a dragon crisis center over on Cady Street which is fully staffed by men. You can just pop in there. They’ll take good care of you.

And you know, I’m available, too – to yell at or cry about. It’s a little unorthodox – but you do know me already. And you’ve seen my dragon! So…

Yeah. No. I’m not suggesting I be your therapist. I don’t have any skill. I’m just saying – as you recover – you might have questions for me. And I just want you to know that I’m happy to answer them whenever that happens.

Sorry. It probably does sound a little like a script. I get that. Yeah. Sorry. It’s hard to tell you all the things that are supposed to help in this situation without repeating a little bit of what’s been known to make a difference.

Well, I mean the dragon crisis team just basically adapted a lot of the protocols for sexual assault crisis and some of the language comes from those roots. And the Dragon Crisis Center was formerly the rape crisis center. I mean – the good news is – we don’t need the rape crisis center anymore!

Sorry. No. This is awkward, of course. And I am so sorry to have ruined your vacation this way. Is there anything you want to say to me? Anything you need me to know about your experience?

Yes. It is. There is some evidence that those who have been traumatized feel a bit of relief from sharing such things. Sorry. I know it does sound – scripted, I think you said before. I just wouldn’t want you to be stuck on that long flight home thinking about all the things you wished you’d said to me.

No, you can tell me whenever you need to. I will listen whenever. From what I understand, most trauma victims need a little time to process before they have the words.

No. You have every right to be mad, Brent. I’m sorry. You’re welcome to express however you want.

I know. It IS confusing. I’d tell you it’s confusing for me, too – but this apology is not about me. And I’m sorry if I’ve done that. This is my first one – so I…gosh, there I go again. I’m sorry, Brent.

Sorry. I’ll stop saying sorry. Sorry.

Well – it’s just - not that I haven’t had reasons to apologize before – it’s just that I didn’t have anyone to apologize to, you know? My dragon swallowed up total strangers on the street and left no trace of them so there was no one. I’m grateful that you survived and grateful that I get the opportunity to make amends.

You and me both, Brent. Reconciling myself with the beast of vengeance that comes out of me is a nearly impossible task. Every day. If it weren’t for DA, I don’t know how I’d get through it.

Sorry. Dragon’s Anonymous. Sorry. It’s not a 12 Step program. I mean none of us can quit being dragons – but we do support each other. And we absolutely have to remain anonymous.

There are victim support groups, too – if you need one. Probably not where you live – but I know that a lot of victims get a lot of support from those here.

Well, our very existence is a danger to others. Making peace with that fact is not easy. My god, you’re easy to talk to! I’m sorry. I’m making an absolute mess of this apology.

Let me start again. I am sorry. I deeply regret putting you at risk and endangering your life. The resources are there on the table there on your side of the glass. Please take them, even if you don’t think you’ll need them now. You may find them useful later.

Yes. That is it.

You can go anytime you want. Norman showed you the door mechanism over there, right?

No, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can stay if you want. I could talk to you all day. I’m sure I shouldn’t. One of the things we learn in our support groups is not talk too much – but you know my secret, so…I guess I feel released. If also, really terrible and guilty. It is very confusing. All I keep wishing is that I’d never turned dragon, like ever, and could have spent the night with you. But…if wishes were horses, right?

Oh, gosh, no. Dragons would never eat a horse!

Yep. Just men. Sorry. I’m sorry.

I don’t know, really. Women just don’t trigger the mechanism, I guess. I mean, in me, sure there are all kinds of women who make me mad. Like – one of those phone assistant customer service type women? They drive me bananas. Or – my former boss. A pain in the ass she was and would be no loss to society if she disappeared into someone’s belly. But it’s just regular rage. It’s not the primal rage that releases the dragon.

You weren’t scared. That’s all. And I know that seems ridiculous – but I think…and I only worked this out from the support groups so if I say it wrong, forgive me – I think that a lifetime of being scared just flipped on its head, you know. It’s like, we were all prepared to be afraid of men – of being alone with them, of being followed, of saying the wrong thing, of speaking up in class or at a meeting, afraid, afraid, afraid. And now that the tables have turned, we have the rages of millions of all the fearful women of the past fueling our fire, our appetites, providing the scales for our armor. Personally, I like to think I don’t need it. I like to think I’d like to be swept up in someone’s arms – excited by the possibility that he could kill me as easily as he could love me. Sorry. That’s TMI. I just – we’re all a little confused about what this dragon stuff means for us, for our former selves, as well as our current ones. My dragon wants to torch every man who feels entitled to my space and I am longing to have the right guy barge into it. Where’s the romance novel for that?

No, I’m not a writer. I’m a dancer! But nobody’s going to make a dragon ballet. I just – yeah – my whole life I’ve been working on being graceful and suddenly I’m saddled with a whole new part of myself that is big and unwieldy and causes chaos wherever she appears. I want to be Ginger Rogers and I’m freakin’ Barney.

Yes, you’re right. Barney is a dinosaur, not a dragon.

Hey – you’re still here talking to me.  Thank you.

I mean, truthfully, it’s just been so hard to not spill my guts everywhere. No one outside of my DA group knows I’m a dragon. They think I’m the same sweet Ashley they’ve always known. And I sort of am but also sort of am not. Like I said, it’s really confusing.

Oh, well, it’s an experimental program wherein we try to learn to control our dragon responses and impulses. Like anger management classes they used to have for men. Except, the problem is – none of us know when we’re angry. Brent, I swear to you, before I turned dragon, I would have sworn to you up and down that I never got mad.

Frustrated, sure. Annoyed. But actually mad? I had no sense of it. None. I’m getting better at it now. But it’s like – the problem, Brent, is that I turn dragon before I even know I’m mad. So – it’s tricky.

I want a cure. I don’t want this burden. I don’t want to do to anyone else what I did to you. Or those men I ate.

I don’t know. The experience is, hard to translate into language. And I really. Well – honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to talk to you about it. I don’t think it will help with the PTSD I’ve likely given you. It might make it worse. Let’s just leave the eating off the table.

Of course! I’m sure you’d have been delicious if my dragon had managed to eat you.

No really.

No I don’t want to eat you now. I’m sorry you have to think about that. That’s terrible.

This is why I want a cure.

O sure there are a lot weirdos who want to be eaten by dragons. Very few get their wish. I mean, would you want to eat one of those guys? Yech.

No. Yeah. You’re very edible.

Ack! Ashley! Stop flirting with your victim! Bad dragon woman! Bad dragon woman!

I suppose some people have made dragon/human relationships work. Not many. It’s very risky obviously.

Anyway, anyway, anyway – my point was that I am really hoping for a cure.

Listen, you gorgeous boy, if I could take this burden off me and give it to you, I would. No question. And boy oh boy would that turn everything chaos double! A boy dragon? No one would know what to do. No one. Well – no one knew what to do when the first dragons appeared either so I suppose it wouldn’t be as shocking as that was. But…yeah – I like the idea a little. Sadly this burden slash gift slash curse slash I don’t know is not shareable.

I’d never seen a dragon before I became one. And actually, I still have never seen one. I mean, I’ve seen myself – but that’s it. And I haven’t seen myself seen myself. Haven’t ever managed to get in front of a reflective surface big enough to get the full picture.

I mean, you saw me. You tell me.

Aww, man. That is a really nice way to describe the beast that almost killed you.

Well. Sure. Yeah. I suppose my vanity really does want to be beautiful, even as a dragon. But you’re under no obligation to flatter me or my inner dragon. I know what I did. I put you in danger. You could have been killed. If you had frozen instead of running, for example.

Sure. I did. But not everyone would listen when told to run.

What are you doing? Are you trying to make me feel better about accidentally attacking you? Because it’s working – but I feel very confused.

Aren’t you flying back tonight?

I don’t know, Brent. Just meeting outside the pavilion would be risky. And I can’t imagine how you would want to go out with me again, after what happened.

Well. You’re right. You have quite a bit of fear wafting off you now. You know what’s possible.

Exciting? Like – exciting, exciting or exciting?

You don’t have a fetish do you, Brent?

There are dragon fetishists.

I want to. I really do. I like you a lot.

Like a lot a lot. But how do I know you’re not some rogue dragon hunter out to lure me into a trap to catch me and cage me?

Yes. That’s a thing.

Doesn’t prove anything. You could be pretending ignorance.

No. You’re right. I meet you – we’re both taking a risk. I risk the possibility that you’re a dragon captor and the possibility that I might lose control and you – also run the risk that I might lose control.

I suppose if you promise to run again if I say run and we go to a place where you could run away easily…I’d take the risk if you want to. And like you said, you’ve got some fear now so I should be able to control myself.

I guess it has kind of a smell/taste? It’s pretty intoxicating actually. I’ve often wondered if it’s what men were responding to in women before…like, not all men, obviously. But some of them really enjoyed making us afraid and I wonder if they can smell it or taste it, too. Like, were they sort of the first dragons? Like, not obviously dragons. No teeth or tail or claws or scales – but like…dragons, you know? I don’t know.

No, I don’t think you’re like that.

If I did, I’d have eaten you.

Sorry. I should not have mentioned the eating. Sorry. Sorry. Do you still want to go on a date?

That’s a great idea. We’ll both be safe at the Silver Pitcher. And I’m going to buy you a drink with some of that fancy gin.

See you there.

Hey – don’t forget those pamphlets! They’re going to want to see them with you when you leave. Norman likes to have a little debrief with everyone on the way out.

No, no, nothing to worry about. He just checks to make sure you’re okay, that you’ve got the pamphlets, that I didn’t lose control in here and go dragon on you again. And once you’re in the clear, he’ll come and let me out and then I’ll debrief.

Well – they’re just trying to make sure you don’t get re-traumatized. It’s a secure building for your benefit. And for mine, honestly.

Anyway – go on. Take that stuff with you and I’ll see you later.

Oh. And just…I hope you understand that we won’t be able to talk directly about this stuff in public. We’ll want to. At least I know I’ll want to – but it’s too big a risk. So when I meet you tonight, it’s going to be all Busby Berkeley all the time. You excited for that?

Really? Wow. I really got lucky with you, didn’t I? Best date I went on – which I ruined. The best apology session I’ve had (not that I’ve had any before) And now you’re excited to talk about Busby Berkeley with me. Well. I could kiss you. But I can’t. Obviously. This flame proof/claw proof glass is definitely kiss proof too.

I’ll see you tonight. Take care of yourself til then.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the epicenter.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)The Dragoning - Episode Five

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Five. Ashley.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a door being closed and locked.)

Ashley

Sorry.

Thank you for agreeing to come here, for coming to see me. I know it must be trying. I’m lucky you didn’t get right on a plane to go home.

Tonight? Well. I’m lucky I caught you before you went. And I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to apologize. I’m just so sorry to have lost control. I’m sure it was very upsetting to have to run like that and I’m really glad you did. Thank you for running.

Not everyone would. I’m just so sorry you had to. I didn’t think you would. Have had to. Sorry. I’ve been working really hard on getting a handle on the dragon in me and I thought I had it, I really did – otherwise I’d have never have risked taking you home with me, I hope you understand that. I’m just so sorry. I over estimated my own control and I under estimated what a difference your being from elsewhere would make.

Well, men here – even if they appear confident and secure – there’s enough of an undercurrent of fear that I can keep my dragon fed and under wraps. You had no fear at all. And I found it refreshing and, honestly, kind of a turn on. But my dragon did not. Obviously. And the dragon stepped over all the controls I have in place. I promise – I did not want to kill you – though I’m sure it seemed that way. It’ s just that my dragon and I are not always in agreement about men. And I am sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me - but I did want you to know that I deeply regret putting you at risk. I’m really sorry. Especially since you’re so cute and I really wanted to spend more time with you.

No. Sorry. Sorry. This is the Apology Pavilion. It is for Apologies. It is not for flirting. I’m sorry. Really. Really sorry.

Oh. Well – not long after The Dragoning started, when the dragons found that they often wanted to apologize to those they injured – or to the loved ones of the injured – it always went badly. They just re-traumatized everybody. They couldn’t convince anyone to meet them because of the risks. But as you saw, this place is constructed to withstand fire and claws and teeth and so we can safely converse, we can apologize with the peace of mind that even if we turn dragon, the glass will hold and we will not re-victimize whomever we were hoping to make amends with.

It is a good demonstration, isn’t it? We call Norman our honorary dragon since he does such an amazing job shooting the flame thrower and scratching at the glass. Anyway, gosh, I’m rambling again, I’m sorry. It’s just that I like you, Brent, and I actually wanted to just spend more time with you and instead I’ve traumatized you for life.

Oh, speaking of which – if you want, you can see a therapist who specializes in dragon attacks. There are some brochures on your side of the glass there. I think Dr. Wingate works via the phone – so you could probably even consult with her when you get back home. I mean, she’s a dragon, too – so – you know – full disclosure -  but you’re 100% safe on a phone. There’s also a dragon crisis center over on Cady Street which is fully staffed by men. You can just pop in there. They’ll take good care of you.

And you know, I’m available, too – to yell at or cry about. It’s a little unorthodox – but you do know me already. And you’ve seen my dragon! So…

Yeah. No. I’m not suggesting I be your therapist. I don’t have any skill. I’m just saying – as you recover – you might have questions for me. And I just want you to know that I’m happy to answer them whenever that happens.

Sorry. It probably does sound a little like a script. I get that. Yeah. Sorry. It’s hard to tell you all the things that are supposed to help in this situation without repeating a little bit of what’s been known to make a difference.

Well, I mean the dragon crisis team just basically adapted a lot of the protocols for sexual assault crisis and some of the language comes from those roots. And the Dragon Crisis Center was formerly the rape crisis center. I mean – the good news is – we don’t need the rape crisis center anymore!

Sorry. No. This is awkward, of course. And I am so sorry to have ruined your vacation this way. Is there anything you want to say to me? Anything you need me to know about your experience?

Yes. It is. There is some evidence that those who have been traumatized feel a bit of relief from sharing such things. Sorry. I know it does sound – scripted, I think you said before. I just wouldn’t want you to be stuck on that long flight home thinking about all the things you wished you’d said to me.

No, you can tell me whenever you need to. I will listen whenever. From what I understand, most trauma victims need a little time to process before they have the words.

No. You have every right to be mad, Brent. I’m sorry. You’re welcome to express however you want.

I know. It IS confusing. I’d tell you it’s confusing for me, too – but this apology is not about me. And I’m sorry if I’ve done that. This is my first one – so I…gosh, there I go again. I’m sorry, Brent.

Sorry. I’ll stop saying sorry. Sorry.

Well – it’s just - not that I haven’t had reasons to apologize before – it’s just that I didn’t have anyone to apologize to, you know? My dragon swallowed up total strangers on the street and left no trace of them so there was no one. I’m grateful that you survived and grateful that I get the opportunity to make amends.

You and me both, Brent. Reconciling myself with the beast of vengeance that comes out of me is a nearly impossible task. Every day. If it weren’t for DA, I don’t know how I’d get through it.

Sorry. Dragon’s Anonymous. Sorry. It’s not a 12 Step program. I mean none of us can quit being dragons – but we do support each other. And we absolutely have to remain anonymous.

There are victim support groups, too – if you need one. Probably not where you live – but I know that a lot of victims get a lot of support from those here.

Well, our very existence is a danger to others. Making peace with that fact is not easy. My god, you’re easy to talk to! I’m sorry. I’m making an absolute mess of this apology.

Let me start again. I am sorry. I deeply regret putting you at risk and endangering your life. The resources are there on the table there on your side of the glass. Please take them, even if you don’t think you’ll need them now. You may find them useful later.

Yes. That is it.

You can go anytime you want. Norman showed you the door mechanism over there, right?

No, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can stay if you want. I could talk to you all day. I’m sure I shouldn’t. One of the things we learn in our support groups is not talk too much – but you know my secret, so…I guess I feel released. If also, really terrible and guilty. It is very confusing. All I keep wishing is that I’d never turned dragon, like ever, and could have spent the night with you. But…if wishes were horses, right?

Oh, gosh, no. Dragons would never eat a horse!

Yep. Just men. Sorry. I’m sorry.

I don’t know, really. Women just don’t trigger the mechanism, I guess. I mean, in me, sure there are all kinds of women who make me mad. Like – one of those phone assistant customer service type women? They drive me bananas. Or – my former boss. A pain in the ass she was and would be no loss to society if she disappeared into someone’s belly. But it’s just regular rage. It’s not the primal rage that releases the dragon.

You weren’t scared. That’s all. And I know that seems ridiculous – but I think…and I only worked this out from the support groups so if I say it wrong, forgive me – I think that a lifetime of being scared just flipped on its head, you know. It’s like, we were all prepared to be afraid of men – of being alone with them, of being followed, of saying the wrong thing, of speaking up in class or at a meeting, afraid, afraid, afraid. And now that the tables have turned, we have the rages of millions of all the fearful women of the past fueling our fire, our appetites, providing the scales for our armor. Personally, I like to think I don’t need it. I like to think I’d like to be swept up in someone’s arms – excited by the possibility that he could kill me as easily as he could love me. Sorry. That’s TMI. I just – we’re all a little confused about what this dragon stuff means for us, for our former selves, as well as our current ones. My dragon wants to torch every man who feels entitled to my space and I am longing to have the right guy barge into it. Where’s the romance novel for that?

No, I’m not a writer. I’m a dancer! But nobody’s going to make a dragon ballet. I just – yeah – my whole life I’ve been working on being graceful and suddenly I’m saddled with a whole new part of myself that is big and unwieldy and causes chaos wherever she appears. I want to be Ginger Rogers and I’m freakin’ Barney.

Yes, you’re right. Barney is a dinosaur, not a dragon.

Hey – you’re still here talking to me.  Thank you.

I mean, truthfully, it’s just been so hard to not spill my guts everywhere. No one outside of my DA group knows I’m a dragon. They think I’m the same sweet Ashley they’ve always known. And I sort of am but also sort of am not. Like I said, it’s really confusing.

Oh, well, it’s an experimental program wherein we try to learn to control our dragon responses and impulses. Like anger management classes they used to have for men. Except, the problem is – none of us know when we’re angry. Brent, I swear to you, before I turned dragon, I would have sworn to you up and down that I never got mad.

Frustrated, sure. Annoyed. But actually mad? I had no sense of it. None. I’m getting better at it now. But it’s like – the problem, Brent, is that I turn dragon before I even know I’m mad. So – it’s tricky.

I want a cure. I don’t want this burden. I don’t want to do to anyone else what I did to you. Or those men I ate.

I don’t know. The experience is, hard to translate into language. And I really. Well – honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to talk to you about it. I don’t think it will help with the PTSD I’ve likely given you. It might make it worse. Let’s just leave the eating off the table.

Of course! I’m sure you’d have been delicious if my dragon had managed to eat you.

No really.

No I don’t want to eat you now. I’m sorry you have to think about that. That’s terrible.

This is why I want a cure.

O sure there are a lot weirdos who want to be eaten by dragons. Very few get their wish. I mean, would you want to eat one of those guys? Yech.

No. Yeah. You’re very edible.

Ack! Ashley! Stop flirting with your victim! Bad dragon woman! Bad dragon woman!

I suppose some people have made dragon/human relationships work. Not many. It’s very risky obviously.

Anyway, anyway, anyway – my point was that I am really hoping for a cure.

Listen, you gorgeous boy, if I could take this burden off me and give it to you, I would. No question. And boy oh boy would that turn everything chaos double! A boy dragon? No one would know what to do. No one. Well – no one knew what to do when the first dragons appeared either so I suppose it wouldn’t be as shocking as that was. But…yeah – I like the idea a little. Sadly this burden slash gift slash curse slash I don’t know is not shareable.

I’d never seen a dragon before I became one. And actually, I still have never seen one. I mean, I’ve seen myself – but that’s it. And I haven’t seen myself seen myself. Haven’t ever managed to get in front of a reflective surface big enough to get the full picture.

I mean, you saw me. You tell me.

Aww, man. That is a really nice way to describe the beast that almost killed you.

Well. Sure. Yeah. I suppose my vanity really does want to be beautiful, even as a dragon. But you’re under no obligation to flatter me or my inner dragon. I know what I did. I put you in danger. You could have been killed. If you had frozen instead of running, for example.

Sure. I did. But not everyone would listen when told to run.

What are you doing? Are you trying to make me feel better about accidentally attacking you? Because it’s working – but I feel very confused.

Aren’t you flying back tonight?

I don’t know, Brent. Just meeting outside the pavilion would be risky. And I can’t imagine how you would want to go out with me again, after what happened.

Well. You’re right. You have quite a bit of fear wafting off you now. You know what’s possible.

Exciting? Like – exciting, exciting or exciting?

You don’t have a fetish do you, Brent?

There are dragon fetishists.

I want to. I really do. I like you a lot.

Like a lot a lot. But how do I know you’re not some rogue dragon hunter out to lure me into a trap to catch me and cage me?

Yes. That’s a thing.

Doesn’t prove anything. You could be pretending ignorance.

No. You’re right. I meet you – we’re both taking a risk. I risk the possibility that you’re a dragon captor and the possibility that I might lose control and you – also run the risk that I might lose control.

I suppose if you promise to run again if I say run and we go to a place where you could run away easily…I’d take the risk if you want to. And like you said, you’ve got some fear now so I should be able to control myself.

I guess it has kind of a smell/taste? It’s pretty intoxicating actually. I’ve often wondered if it’s what men were responding to in women before…like, not all men, obviously. But some of them really enjoyed making us afraid and I wonder if they can smell it or taste it, too. Like, were they sort of the first dragons? Like, not obviously dragons. No teeth or tail or claws or scales – but like…dragons, you know? I don’t know.

No, I don’t think you’re like that.

If I did, I’d have eaten you.

Sorry. I should not have mentioned the eating. Sorry. Sorry. Do you still want to go on a date?

That’s a great idea. We’ll both be safe at the Silver Pitcher. And I’m going to buy you a drink with some of that fancy gin.

See you there.

Hey – don’t forget those pamphlets! They’re going to want to see them with you when you leave. Norman likes to have a little debrief with everyone on the way out.

No, no, nothing to worry about. He just checks to make sure you’re okay, that you’ve got the pamphlets, that I didn’t lose control in here and go dragon on you again. And once you’re in the clear, he’ll come and let me out and then I’ll debrief.

Well – they’re just trying to make sure you don’t get re-traumatized. It’s a secure building for your benefit. And for mine, honestly.

Anyway – go on. Take that stuff with you and I’ll see you later.

Oh. And just…I hope you understand that we won’t be able to talk directly about this stuff in public. We’ll want to. At least I know I’ll want to – but it’s too big a risk. So when I meet you tonight, it’s going to be all Busby Berkeley all the time. You excited for that?

Really? Wow. I really got lucky with you, didn’t I? Best date I went on – which I ruined. The best apology session I’ve had (not that I’ve had any before) And now you’re excited to talk about Busby Berkeley with me. Well. I could kiss you. But I can’t. Obviously. This flame proof/claw proof glass is definitely kiss proof too.

I’ll see you tonight. Take care of yourself til then.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the epicenter.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Four - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Four

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Four. Ashley and Ray.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a bar crowd. Bossa Nova music.)

Ashley

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry to bother you – but the place is so full tonight. Is it okay if I sit here? It’s literally the only stool in the place.

Thank you so much. You must have such good karma to have gotten this prime spot at the bar.

I don’t know. I’m not really sure what karma is entirely. Like – I believe in some sense of circularity of experience – like, good will come around eventually. And probably  bad will too. I don’t know. There are all these examples of karma not really working the way we’d want it to. It might really be random. All of it. My goodness I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I’m Ashley.

Oh, hi, Brent. You’re from somewhere. I can tell from the accent. Where’s that?

Oh, sure. Of course. That’s far away. Did you have a long flight?

I don’t know if I could do it – a flight that long? What do you do with yourself?

Really? What did you watch?

That one is so funny. It’s the only one of those I saw. Usually I see so many movies but this year, everything’s different.

I guess it could be The Dragoning. That’s an interesting theory. I sort of thought it was because I got promoted to management and it’s been kicking my ass. What do you do, Brent?

Really?! What do people ask each other for small talk there then?

Seriously? Wow. Maybe I should move.

I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about getting out of town for years.

No, no, I love it here. I do. It’s just that it can be a grind, you know? And you always wonder what your life would be like if you’d taken another path, don’t you? I mean, don’t you?

Golly – I just wish I’d ever been that sure. Have you always been that way?

I’m so jealous.

Oh, you know. Did I choose the right college? The right major? The right boyfriend? The right city to live in? The right apartment? The right neighborhood? The right job? Every point could have gone another way, you know? But somehow you don’t feel like that? Is that because of where you’re from, do you think?

No, sorry, of course not – how could you know? Sorry. It was a silly question for me to ask you. Sorry.

Sorry. That’s just my way. I had a boyfriend who was always telling me to stop apologizing so much and guess what I said?

You got it. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Anyway. Sorry for talking your ear off while you’re just trying to have a drink and relax. You’re probably waiting on someone and I’ve taken their seat. I should leave you alone.

Oh, really?

No, I couldn’t.

Gosh, thank you so much. I take your seat and you offer me a drink. This is so much good energy. My karma must be pretty good, too.

Oh, a gin and tonic, please. Thank you.

No, any old gin will do. Whatever’s cheap.

No, I haven’t tried that.

I mean, sure. You’re going to introduce me to something wonderful and then I’m going to be spoiled for life, aren’t I?

No, no, I’m joking. Sorry. I’d love to try something new. Sorry. Thank you. You’re a real sweetheart. Do they make ‘em all like that where you come from?

Sure. Of course. Sure. Well, thank you. Thank you.

Oh hey, Morgan, yeah hey. How’s it going? Busy tonight, huh?

Oh, this, this is Brent. He very kindly gave me his neighboring seat and THEN, Morgan, then, he ordered me a drink. I tell you, my karma is really turning around tonight.

Sure, you can touch my sleeve. Of course. I will be happy to take on a new career as a good luck charm - a good karma generator.

Yeah, yeah, Brent here says its delicious, so…Thanks, Morgan.

No, not very often. But often enough. God, it’s so embarrassing when you’ve been to a place so often they know your drink. But yeah, I work over in the box office down the street so this is where I come after my shift sometimes. So – embarrassingly – they know me here.

I guess you’re right. It would be much worse if they saw me coming and were like, “Oh here comes Ashley, somebody hide the gin!” That would be bad.

No, you’re right. You’re right. Thank you.

Are you sure I can’t get this?

Well, gosh, thanks again. Cheers!

So, what brought you over, Brent? Business? Vacation?

I’ve never really been a tourist. It seems like hard work! I mean, we make fun of tourists around here usually but they’re not like you. You’re not who we mean when we roll our eyes and say, “Tourists!”

Because they’re moving so slow through fast moving places – stopping and talking really loudly in quiet places – just not really paying attention to what’s going on around them. And I can tell you pay attention. You’re, like, curious. You’re interested in things.

Awww. Thanks. I think you’re interesting, too. Maybe I should come be a tourist in your country. Where should I go? What should I see?

Wow. I never even heard of those things – and now I really want to see them. I’ll have to save up some money for vacation time.

Oh, I don’t get much. It’s usually only a weekend to drive down to the shore or whatever. But someday I’d like to take a big trip like that.

Did it take you a long time to plan your trip over here?

Oh wow – they have that? Just, like, last minute deals? And you were just like, “Oh, sure, I’ll just pick up and go check it out cause it’s a deal?” That’s very spontaneous. I’m impressed. I’m not generally very spontaneous. I want to be – but I’m usually not. I mean, I’m a regular here – so that probably tells you something.

Aww, thank you. I think I have good taste, too. But I am biased. Were you always spontaneous or did you learn it somehow?

Yeah, I think it’s probably one of those things that’s our personality – we’re, like, born with some traits. Probably spontaneity is one of those personality markers, you know – like – extroversion/introversion or something. Or open-ness…where you fall on the open-ness spectrum is a thing – though I don’t really know what it means. Sorry. I think I’m pretty open but maybe open-ness is spontaneity? And I’m just not as spontaneous as I would like to be.

Gosh, I don’t remember what the other measures were. Are. Sorry. Apparently they are the only scientifically accurate personality measures.

They say that Meyers Briggs is basically junk science – although it does feature one of the same aspects so I don’t think it’s 100% junk.

Oh, yeah. Over at the theatre I work at, the management got all obsessed with Meyers-Briggs and made the whole staff take the test.

Me? I’m an ENFP. Did you ever take it?

That makes sense. I can see that.

I mean, it’s junk science but it’s fun to think about. Like Astrology. I think it’s probably all a silly game – but I’d still love to know what your sign is.

Mmm. Hmmm. Of course. It all goes together. Like a personality puzzle.

Who me? Aries.

If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

Well, it’s the ram. Best beware my horns.

No, no. A ram’s horns aren’t sharp. But they will head butt you with them if you’re in their way. Sweet as a little lamb but beware the horns of the full grown ram.

Oh, yeah – I’m very dangerous. Very. Hasn’t anyone warned you? I’m dangerous, right, Morgan?

See? Very dangerous. She told you.

Really? Everyone’s been talking your ear off about dragons, huh? Well, I’m glad I’m the first to actually give you a normal experience. Everyone’s so obsessed, it’s like you need a dragon-free zone. There should be bars and cafes where you can’t talk about them. Just…moratorium on boring old dragon talk.

No, no, I’m sure it was like this during the Depression. At some point probably everyone had just had enough depression talk. And that’s why they went to the movies – especially the big splashy ones and the comedies. I like those big splashy ones the best.

Yeah! It’s hard to find screenings of them – but I’d love to see all the Busby Berkeley movies on a big screen.

Oh, yeah. We do have an art house cinema here and they show classic films a couple of days a week – but they’re almost always the serious ones – like, award winners or something. I mean, Citizen Kane is fine but I’d like to see, like, Gold Diggers of 1933.

Have you seen that?

See? They probably don’t show those where you’re from either. It’s hard to even find them on TV. But I really want to see it on the big screen one day.

Oh. You caught me. What gave me away? The box office job?

Well, yeah, that’s how I got the job. I went in to audition for She Loves Me and saw a job notice for the box office. I mean, I’d love to be in movies but they don’t really make so many big chorus line type movies anymore. I figure I gotta get the experience onstage first and then move out to Hollywood – see if I can inspire someone to do some Busby Berkeley revivals.

Thank you. I think I can be pretty persuasive.

Speaking of which – could I persuade you to come back to my apartment?

Sorry to be so forward. It’s kind of a citywide personality change but probably foreign men find it a little jarring.

Sorry. Are you jarred?

Oh, good. Okay. It’s not far from here.

Let’s go.

(Sound of dragon roar. The sound of a car door.)

*

Ray

Well – hello there. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon. I’m glad you called. Your number came up as overseas so I didn’t know what was about to happen. Was Interpol coming after me? Oh man. You look rough. You alright?

Oh man. You’re singed. I can smell it now. Oh man. Oh man. You need me to take you to the hospital?

Got it. Hotel Davina it is, then,

She didn’t get you much, then. Just the edges of your clothes and hair. How’d you get off so easy? Not that a singeing isn’t traumatic. I’m sorry, man, I don’t mean to imply that…it’s just that if you were close enough to get singed, you could have been eaten or torched.

She did what?

She told you to run?

Wait. Wait. Stop. Tell me again.

She got a look in her eye and told you to run and you did and then when you looked back from the door, she was a dragon and she only managed to singe you before you got out and closed the door. Do I have that right?

Oh, man. What was that look in her eye? Like a glare?

Her pupils?

Like a cat? Or a snake? Damn, man, I wish I’d spent more time looking at animals’ pupils. Who has a diamond shape?

O, listen, man, I’m sorry. What do you need? I got a flask of whiskey in the glovey. Not for me, you understand – for situations like these. You need a swig?

How’d it happen, man? It’s pretty unusual that she warned you. That’s a first.

Ok.  You’re at her place. You’re not afraid.

You’re having a glass of wine and some crackers. Nice.

You said that. Yeah. You’re not afraid. She’s nice and sweet. Oh, I’m starting to see where this is going.

Well, she got mad that you weren’t afraid, my man. Dragons feed on fear. I’m sure the girl part of her wanted to get busy with you, probably liked being with a fearless man who might make her feel ladylike. But the dragon part of her needed you to be afraid – aware of the risk you were taking in being alone with her. The girl part told you to run before the dragon could take her over.

Well, the good news is that you probably left a good amount of fear behind you when you took off – so that dragon is fed now.

I’m glad you had my number in your phone, my man and I’m sorry you needed it.

Was that your first dragon?

Oh, I don’t know about that. The only people who can definitively say they’ve seen their last dragons are those who’ve been eaten or torched. You? I don’t know, man. I’m sorry.

Oh, sure. If I had anywhere to go, I’d get out of here, too. But reports are going around. I mean – we’re not under quarantine here…they can go anywhere they want. They might have already gone.

See? Yeah. Yours wants to go to Hollywood – others have dreams of foreign lands. Dragons will travel. I can pretty much guarantee that this will not be the only dragon city. Willie’s working on projections for how the dragoning will spread.

Oh, he told you?

Well – check and see if your city’s on his list and hope that the Dragoning will be slow to arrive. Maybe you have seen your last dragon. I know I haven’t.

Here you are, my man. Take care. And have a safe flight home. Good luck. And take care of those burns.

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin

This episode featured Emily Hartford as Ashley and Ned Massey as Ray.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the epicenter.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Three - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Three

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Three. Colm, Jenny and Willie.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a Guinness being poured.)

Colm

Dylan sent you, did he? Good man. Not sure where he is, he’s usually in by now. But if he said I’d take care of you then by god I will take care of you. What’ll you have?

Good choice.

Can’t quite place the accent. Is that a long trip?

Oh wow. That IS a long one. What brought you over?

You know that killed the cat, right? Your drinks are free but the jokes’ll cost you. I charge per pun.

Alright, Jeff – I know that wasn’t a pun. What are you, a professor of comedy? Forgive my buddy Jeff, Brent. He’s got to explain everything. And he pretty much has to stay in here because you do that out there in the wrong place and you’re gonna be a dragon lunch. You know that, right, Jeff? You can’t be explaining everything out in the dragon world. It’s too risky. The unfortunate thing is, though, he stores up all those explanations -  then it’s nonstop monologues by the time he gets in here. But we put him next to Randy and Randy’ll nod and smile all night. So where’d you meet our Dylan?

No kidding. You stayed in the van? I think you’re the first. You are curious, huh? What are you doin,’ writing a book?

No, Jeff, he says no. You don’t have to explain publishing to him.

Well, we did get a lot of aspiring writers in here at first. I don’t know how they all found us but we sort of lost our taste for telling the same story over and over. I don’t mind telling you, some folks in here started making things up. Their fact checkers got a big surprise when they started calling up before their publishing dates. I mean – sometimes we’d say, “Well, yes, Bryce DID say that” but we might not always go the extra step of saying Bryce is a compulsive storyteller. Aren’t you, Bryce?

Nope. That wasn’t an invitation to start one up, Bryce. Finish your Guinness.

It’s slowed down a lot after that initial frenzy. It’s downright peaceful in here these days. Bunch of gents just keeping to themselves with nobody to impress or answer to. You understand.

I miss the ladies every so often but all in all, it’s better in here than ever.

Well – some of the women, the pre-dragon regulars, some of them, kind of egged the dragon on. I didn’t know there could be dragon cheerleaders but these ladies…I thought I knew them, you know? They were all, “You, go girl!” while that dragon stuffed the last bit into her mouth.

“Get him,” they said, as his dress shoe disappeared behind her teeth. That was Phil, you know? They knew him. He was in here all the time – just like them – and suddenly they were a murderous cheer squad.

You think you know someone.

Sorry. Still gets me choked up. I can’t understand. And a lot of these guys don’t. Didn’t. I mean…we couldn’t bear to look at those ladies when they came back, shamelessly walking through those doors after cheering on Phil’s demise – like it wasn’t real – like Phil wasn’t dying down in that dragon’s belly.

And we knew her, too.

The Dragon.

Never would have guessed in a million years.

Quiet. Barely said a thing.

I don’t get it. If she didn’t like Phil talking like that, why didn’t she say anything? How hard would it have been to say “Phil, knock it off.”

And all Phil did – all he did was ask that lady to scoot over a little bit. I mean, sure, he did call her sweet cheeks. But that’s a compliment! It’s a term of endearment. I still don’t understand it. Really. One minute they’re chattering and the next minute they’re throwing your dinner on the floor. It’s very confusing.

You ever think of becoming a bartender? Usually it’s the customers who tell me their tales of woe.

The very foundations of our world have been transformed. No, not transformed – more like – we thought we built all our houses on cement blocks and it turns out they weren’t cement blocks at all – just stale bread loafs that are apt to collapse in the rain. That’s a metaphor – there aren’t really buildings with bread foundations. But you know that, right?

I wouldn’t risk walking down the street how I was before. I’m amazed I’m still here to tell the tale, really. Aw, you know. I used to enjoy a bit of talk, a bit of flirting, a bit of flash for the ladies.

Callin’ out to ‘em when they struck me in the heart, when their beauty made my soul shiver, just lettin’ ‘em know, you know? That sort of thing’ll get you killed now. You tell the wrong woman she’s got a pretty smile now, you might not survive the afternoon.

What?! Touch one? Are you kidding me? Do that without asking first and you’re dead.

Well, reach out and grab.

Sorry, man, that’s a You Barbeque and you deserved it, being that stupid.

No, no, I don’t think anyone deserves to get eaten or torched. Not really. I shouldn’t joke. Sorry fellas.

I look back at how carefree I was before – so secure – I mean, Brent -  I was like you, if you don’t mind my saying.  I see myself in you.

You, too, Jeff? Bryce?! Really.

Yeah, see – we all do, more or less. We didn’t know how good we had it. But I look at you – just, not even looking over your shoulder. Not even once. You don’t have to check if you’re safe in here. You just assume you are. And you’re not wrong. This is a safe place. But most of us go in a place we’ve never been before, we’re just keeping an eye on the door – just in case.

I used to walk down the street without even thinking about it. And, Brent, I used to walk in a straight line just like you do now.

Well, now – I make way for ladies, don’t you know.

How’re things where you’re from?

Should we all move there?

Well – I guess you’re right – it is interesting here. We’re living in just about the most interesting city in the world. But I tell you what, I’d take a less interesting time just about any day of the week.

(sound of a beep outside the bar)

Oh, that’s Jenny, our shuttle girl. She’ll take anyone wherever they need to go from here. She just stops in every few hours. We don’t like to lose our guys this early but she is definitely the safest way home. We’d be sorry to see you go, Brent – but if you’re at all ready to head out, now’s a good time.

Come back and see us anytime. You’re always welcome.

*

(sound of dragon roar and ascending chord. Sound of a van door slamming.)

Jenny

Where to, then?

Hotel Davina? I know it well. I take a lot of guys there. They say it’s one of the safest hotels in the city. You chose well.

Well – tourism is down in general. A lot of the hotels have those kinds of deals, I guess. Last minute reservations and such.

Dragon tourism is a whole new industry, though. It’s going to take a while for the city to adapt, I think.

Well, the folks who used to come are different than the ones who come now.

You know – we don’t see a lot of families anymore. That’s one thing.

And we see a lot more thrill seekers. There are a lot more big group tours, ones where they just drive them around to keep them separate from city life. A small hotel like the Davina doesn’t do those group sales so it has to run specials, I guess. What called you to our fair city of dragons?

Huh. Curiosity. That’s not one I hear every day. Cool. I mean – yeah, There IS a lot going on around here, it is hard to deny that. What, is it like a desire to be close to the action for you?

I get that. Yeah. That sounds like fun – just check in with an internal compass and go where it tells you. That sounds like a fun, carefree way to live. Where have you traveled before?

Holy moly. Globetrotter.

I’ve only ever left the country once – for a destination wedding – so I didn’t really see much of the place.

Antigua. Yeah. I saw the ceremony on the beach. And the hotel. The airport. That’s pretty much it.

No – but seriously welcome to Dragon City. I hope you’re staying safe.

I mean – not being a jerk is rule #1. And you’ve not been a jerk to me so I like your odds. So far.

I don’t know. Just like, be aware of your surroundings. Try not to hog the road or the sidewalk or the air in the room. I don’t know why everyone thinks it’s so hard.

I imagine that your global adventuring does serve you in good stead. What do you do, you just like turn up in a place and watch and learn?

Right. Try to stay out of the way.

Yeah. I like your chances of getting out of Dragon City alive. I don’t like the chances of a lot of the guys I get in the shuttle.

Oh – you know – they don’t really listen. They try and get me to drive them places the shuttle doesn’t go.

Nowhere particularly interesting – just like – McDonalds or the liquor store.

Just, you know, they think because it’s a free shuttle service that they can bend it to their will.

No they can not.

Other dragon safety advice? Huh. I don’t know.

Well – we’ve got some pamphlets up here at the front if you want one. There’s a non-profit that started up that’s trying to get the word out.

It’s stuff like “Travel in groups or with a buddy system. Get a woman you trust to walk you home if you’re on your own.”

One of the problems with that, though, is that men have no ability to judge who they should trust and who they should not. Women have had centuries to learn that skill. Men have very little practice so that strategy is a risky one, if you ask me.

Yeah – good guess – I have lost a couple of acquaintances that way. They’re reported to have asked some nice girl to escort them home and ended up eaten up. Better to take a shuttle.

I do, actually, end up giving a lot of advice in this job. It’s not like it used to be.

Oh, before? I used to drive a shuttle just like this but for women.

Didn’t even have to change the name. Safe Ride Home became Safe Ride Home.

Oh, I guess what I meant is – the weird advice that I end up giving is much different than I used to.

Well – I guess I didn’t give women advice. I just listened, usually. Drunk girls telling me their tales of woe. Sober girls telling me their tales of woe. It was always just going, “He did what?!” and “That’s terrible.” I also did a lot of nodding and saying, “You’re welcome. It’s no problem. It’s literally my job.” I haven’t said that in months.

Awww. You’re sweet. You’re welcome. It’s no problem. It’s literally my job.

Here we are. This is the shuttle schedule and location pick-ups if you need it on another night. If you fold it into quarters it will fit right in your wallet.

Sure, really it’s no problem. It is literally my job. Have a good night.

*

(Sound of a dragon roar. Sound of van door closing. Hotel music.)

Willie

Brent! You’re still with us! I thought for sure a dragon would have got you by now.

I’m just kidding, my man. Just teasing you. You’re too savvy to get dragoned. Did you end up going on the tour?

Oh good. Good. I’m so glad. And I see you got the shuttle back here. Where’d you end up?

Oh, yeah. I heard of that place. I’ve never been.

Doesn’t really appeal to me, truth be told. Bunch of guys probably already a little scared of women in the first place traumatized into keeping them out entirely? Not really my scene, my man. Not really my scene.

I don’t know. I like women. Some of my best friends are women.

Like, really. They are. I don’t go to places I can’t go with my friends.

Oh, we go to this bar over in the theatre district. They’re pretty welcoming to everyone over there. Or at least they pretend to be, which is sometimes close enough.

Sometimes pretending is a pleasant and safe way to be, you know?

Anyway, they don’t exclude anyone over there. You should go. I’d offer to take you myself tomorrow but I’m working the door here.

It’s called The Silver Pitcher – over on Claflin street. Check it out and let me know how it goes. I think there might even be a shuttle stop nearby.

Oh, no. I didn’t. Sorry man. I didn’t know you were serious about wanting to see them. I’ll bring my folder with all the numbers and projections and everything tomorrow. If you end up going to the Silver Pitcher, you can tell me about it and I’ll give you my projections.

Have a good night, man. Sleep well.

*

(Sound of elevator bell and elevator door opening)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin

This episode featured Max Arnaud as Colm, Sevrin Anne Mason as Jenny and Julian Rozzell as Willie.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode Two - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode Two

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Two. Willie, Kristina and Dylan.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a cab driving away.)

Willie

He did? Ah, good old Ray. He used to bring by donuts for us over at the Missing Persons Unit downtown. Good guy. Always willing to help.

He did, huh? You’ve been talking dragons all night?

Yeah, we called it the epidemic over at the unit. Just stacks and stacks of men.

Well, it was such a change of pace. One day we had mostly missing women and children and then suddenly – it flipped. It felt like it happened in an instant. I don’t know – at the beginning everyone was less inclined to report a missing man – and we were less inclined to worry, you know. The usual answer had been, “Oh, he’s just out on a bender. He’ll be home before you know it.” Or – “He’s one of those nature guys – he just wandered out into the woods for a few days to get this head together. He’ll be back when his clothes get dirty. Har de har har.”  But then – just a tsunami of missing dudes all at once. I suspect the first ones weren’t the kind anyone was worried about. The kind no one was particularly sad to see go. But then – we got some with girlfriends and wives in, distraught about their missing fellas. And even then, these weren’t the kind of guys most people were really worried about. You know – multiple affairs, serial harassers. We just sorta figured it was some kind of citywide bender that the city’s douchebags had gone on. Like maybe there was a Santa Con out of town that they all took off for.

But then the numbers just got so big, you know?  And even if they were douchebags – they had wives and kids who were lost and distraught without them. We had to order extra Kleenex and let me tell you we used to get quite a lot in before but once the Dragoning began (and we had no idea that’s what it was, by the way) – once the Dragoning began – we couldn’t keep the tissues in stock. We realized we were going to have to report these cases – even though we’d tried to laugh them off for a while. We realized we had to file them – that we were in the middle of a serious exodus if we weren’t in a tragedy and we would have to document it.

The tears I could take. I was used to them. It was the paperwork that tipped me over the edge. Just mounds and mounds of it – and copies needing to be sent out in triplicate.

Our department hadn’t really updated its technology in decades. It was like the 70s in there. Sure – we had a couple of computers but there wasn’t any software for this sort of thing and the powers that be needed to hold it in their hands.

Honestly – I think I’d still be there growing my pension if we’d had some decent software to log all that.

Oh, yeah, that’s where I got the idea to quit. It got me started going to school again. I learn programming during the day and work this door at night. I guess I have the dragons to thank for my new future career.

Oh, yeah – I’m hoping to create updated missing person databases for police stations – bring them kicking and screaming into the 21st century if I have to, you know.

And I don’t mean to be cynical but I don’t think this epidemic could possibly be contained here. Others are going to need this – so if my old station can’t use it, I’ll have other possibilities coming up. I’m sure.

Oh, I’m tracking them. Nothing’s been confirmed yet – but I’m tracking the missing in seven cities and I think it’s a matter of weeks before they get a full outbreak.

I’m no epidemiologist but I run pretty good numbers.

You watch. I’m pretty sure my numbers are right. You keep your eye on other major cities…

Oh, sure. I’ve reached out to a few people but no one’s listening to me. The doorman at a hotel? They think I’m a crackpot. There’s no one who wants to read my projections. They will once my numbers are proved right, though. I believe they will. They’ll come a’callin’ once the Dragoning makes itself known where they are. It’ll turn them inside out like it did us.

I’d be happy to share my projections with you. Just don’t go stealing them!

Oh don’t worry, sir, I’ve got my eye on the street. You’re safe. I can even get a bell-boy to escort you to your room if you like. Well, technically she’s a bell girl tonight. But she’s a great escort and can make sure no one follows you or whatever your concern maybe.

Oh – I just assumed that you were curious because you were worried. This is one of the safest hotels in the city – and I’m not just saying that. They hired a lot of us from the police force and we know what to watch out for.

Have a restful night.

I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.

Oh no?

It’s not a business trip for you? I just assumed, I’m sorry.

What have you seen so far?

The front desk has great advice. They’ll tell you where to go – where not to go. (There are a lot more of those places than there used to be, let me tell you.)

Well – I know there’s a new tour that’s started up that’s been really popular. What’s it called? I’m going to feel so stupid when I remember – it’s a tour of the sites of the first dragon sightings. It’s like a ghost tour but with dragons.

Oh. It’s called The Dragon Tour.  I knew I’d feel like a dumbass when I remembered. I’ve heard it’s really good. They can sign you up at the Front Desk if you want. You can tell them I told you.

Yeah, man, no problem. I hope it’s interesting for you.

You need the bell boy?

Alright then – sleep well, man.

(Sound of an elevator ding, elevator doors opening, dragon roaring, rising chord of music)

Kristina

Our next stop will be the mall where three dragons laid waste to an entire T.G.I. Fridays.  Once   we arrive, we will get out of the van and go inside, if you’re comfortable. If you’d prefer to stay in the vehicle, you are welcome to do so. It is an active mall so it is full of people of all kinds. We cannot guarantee your safety there. Our driver, Dylan, will stay with the van and can give you a summary of what those inside will be seeing. Now – what’s unusual about the infamous Fridays massacre is the teaming up of the dragons. Almost every other attack had been a single dragon on her own – so the Fridays massacre was highly unusual.

You will see when we go in how the place was scorched from top to bottom.

The three dragons in question did not seem to know each other. They were all at separate tables – but those three tables happened to be surrounding a table of – forgive me the slang – but it was a table full of dude-bros. I don’t know another way to say it. From what we understand, they were fresh from some success at work and they were drinking. Apparently, it began with their harassing the waitress and then a woman at another table suggested that they give it a rest. They not only did not give it a rest, they began to reach out to other tables for support on their right to harass and in a couple of cases, they found it.

And that was when the dragons appeared. Accounts differ about what was said right before but it’s clear that SOMETHING was said and all three dragons torched him at once.

They looked at each other and then turned on the whole table of dude-bros. By this point, the place was in chaos and people were running, turning over tables. Some cowered behind them. The chaos and noise seemed to aggravate the dragons even more and as they turned their heads this way and that to see what was happening – they scorched the walls and ceiling. There are some incredible smoke patterns that you’ll see when we go inside.

In the end, despite the trio of dragons and the immense property destruction, only the dude-bros were harmed.

The dragons’ companions walked them out, back in human form – before the police arrived.

They took the dragon women into custody and they are awaiting trial now. Everyone is anxious to see what the outcome will be. Are the women culpable for what they did as dragons? Some say yes. Some say no. What happens in this case will set the precedent for so much in the future.

Now here we are at the Mall. Before we disembark, I would just like to remind everyone to stay together and I recommend not engaging with anyone outside the tour group. And when I say engaging, I mean not just speaking – but even something as simple as eye contact or even, and maybe especially, sound effects.

No – mmmms, no kissing sounds, no whistles, no teeth sucking. None of it. We’re not trying to be fascistic – we just want to make sure we go back with everyone we started with.

(sound of van door opening)

For those of you who prefer to stay in the van, just stay seated and we’ll be back before too long.

*

(dragon roaring, rising chord of music)

Dylan

No one ever stays with me! The guides always offer and no one ever takes them up on it. The dragons really got you spooked, huh? 

Oh, really? I’m flattered. And I guess you’re right – Kris has pretty much told you the story. And if you’ve seen one busted up Fridays, you’ve seen them all.

I mean – the only thing really worth seeing in there are the claw marks. Apparently, the dragons scratched up the floor before they scorched the guy.

I guess we can’t be sure they were caused by dragons, you’re right. Though they do match up with the video footage.

Of course there’s footage! It’s a Fridays – the place is a freakin’ security camera festival. I don’t know why – it’s not like there was so much in there to protect. I’m guessing it was more for the police to prosecute troublemakers causing chaos on the weekends.

Well, it was supposed to be suppressed into evidence but it was leaked somehow – so you can find it with some light googling. It’s not for the faint of heart.

Me? I’m just the van driver. But you’re right – I am interested. I applied to be a tour guide but they needed drivers more and it’s true, I am much more in demand as a driver than as a guide. But meanwhile, I’m learning everyone’s schpiels – So I could do it on my own if I needed to.

Well, don’t tell my bosses, but I have had ideas of branching out to start my own tour. I was thinking I’d advertise an extra safe experience with an all male staff.

Yeah. It might cause a ruffle or two. That’s why I’m taking my time getting it going. But as we go along, I think there’s going to be more demand for safe spaces.

You know, just places a man can relax and be sure he stands no chance of being torched or consumed.

Well – I do go to a bar that’s sort of accidentally become that. It’s not on the official dragon tour but it was one of the first sites. Not the first, obviously. But in the first batch. And all the guys who were there, who saw their buddy get gobbled up – well, they kept going to their old spot and they brought along their other buddies from other places and just, sort of organically, it became a place of solidarity and support. It’s a place where men can go and be comfortable. Just be men, you know?

It’s nothing special – just a regular sort of bar – but it’s special for the guys who go there.

I mean – we won’t kick a woman out but we do have some signs around. Like – somebody’s girlfriend embroidered a little sign that says, “He Man Woman Haters Club. No Girlz Allowed.” I mean – now that most public space is woman’s space – even the women know that we need our sanctuaries.

Sure – I’ll write up the address for you. You’re more than welcome. Anytime. Just don’t bring your girlfriend.

So how’d you end up signing up for our tour?

Spontaneous decision, huh? I see. And I see why you decided to stay in the van, then, too – I mean – some of those tourists, they’ve seen all the footage – they’ve seen all the photos. When Kristina tells the stories, many of them nod along because they are connoisseurs of such information. They could probably give the tour themselves. They had this tour booked out six months in advance. But you’re not like that.

Your doorman tells you about us, next day you’re riding around in a tour van. Your tour guide tells you you have a choice – you choose the thing nobody else chooses. Just cause you’re curious. Well, I like to think I have a few things figured out. I’ve survived these troubling times, haven’t I? You don’t survive by being a dummy. Well – some do. Some, do, of course.

Listen – here’s the address of the bar. Stop by tonight and I’ll buy you a drink. Or if I’m not there yet – ask for Colm at the bar, he’ll look after you.

Ah, here they come. Already scrolling through their photos. I hope they have space on their memory cards for the next three stops.

Looks like we didn’t lose any! We haven’t lost one yet! Though I will say – as much as the liability would go through the roof, if we lost a tourist on a dragon tour to a dragon, we’d be the hottest ticket on the circuit. Such is this crazy business.

Hello, hello, everyone! Welcome back. No dragons on this bus. This bus is a dragon free zone. Come on back up.

Come on.

Use your cane.

Come on back up.

(sound of dragon roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin

This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie, Brooke Turner as Kristina and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you to our donors who made this episode possible. We’d particularly like to thank Donna, Agathe, Kim, Rebecca and Heather.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 In the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)The Dragoning - Episode Two

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode Two. Willie, Kristina and Dylan.

(The music sputters out. Sound of a cab driving away.)

Willie

He did? Ah, good old Ray. He used to bring by donuts for us over at the Missing Persons Unit downtown. Good guy. Always willing to help.

He did, huh? You’ve been talking dragons all night?

Yeah, we called it the epidemic over at the unit. Just stacks and stacks of men.

Well, it was such a change of pace. One day we had mostly missing women and children and then suddenly – it flipped. It felt like it happened in an instant. I don’t know – at the beginning everyone was less inclined to report a missing man – and we were less inclined to worry, you know. The usual answer had been, “Oh, he’s just out on a bender. He’ll be home before you know it.” Or – “He’s one of those nature guys – he just wandered out into the woods for a few days to get this head together. He’ll be back when his clothes get dirty. Har de har har.”  But then – just a tsunami of missing dudes all at once. I suspect the first ones weren’t the kind anyone was worried about. The kind no one was particularly sad to see go. But then – we got some with girlfriends and wives in, distraught about their missing fellas. And even then, these weren’t the kind of guys most people were really worried about. You know – multiple affairs, serial harassers. We just sorta figured it was some kind of citywide bender that the city’s douchebags had gone on. Like maybe there was a Santa Con out of town that they all took off for.

But then the numbers just got so big, you know?  And even if they were douchebags – they had wives and kids who were lost and distraught without them. We had to order extra Kleenex and let me tell you we used to get quite a lot in before but once the Dragoning began (and we had no idea that’s what it was, by the way) – once the Dragoning began – we couldn’t keep the tissues in stock. We realized we were going to have to report these cases – even though we’d tried to laugh them off for a while. We realized we had to file them – that we were in the middle of a serious exodus if we weren’t in a tragedy and we would have to document it.

The tears I could take. I was used to them. It was the paperwork that tipped me over the edge. Just mounds and mounds of it – and copies needing to be sent out in triplicate.

Our department hadn’t really updated its technology in decades. It was like the 70s in there. Sure – we had a couple of computers but there wasn’t any software for this sort of thing and the powers that be needed to hold it in their hands.

Honestly – I think I’d still be there growing my pension if we’d had some decent software to log all that.

Oh, yeah, that’s where I got the idea to quit. It got me started going to school again. I learn programming during the day and work this door at night. I guess I have the dragons to thank for my new future career.

Oh, yeah – I’m hoping to create updated missing person databases for police stations – bring them kicking and screaming into the 21st century if I have to, you know.

And I don’t mean to be cynical but I don’t think this epidemic could possibly be contained here. Others are going to need this – so if my old station can’t use it, I’ll have other possibilities coming up. I’m sure.

Oh, I’m tracking them. Nothing’s been confirmed yet – but I’m tracking the missing in seven cities and I think it’s a matter of weeks before they get a full outbreak.

I’m no epidemiologist but I run pretty good numbers.

You watch. I’m pretty sure my numbers are right. You keep your eye on other major cities…

Oh, sure. I’ve reached out to a few people but no one’s listening to me. The doorman at a hotel? They think I’m a crackpot. There’s no one who wants to read my projections. They will once my numbers are proved right, though. I believe they will. They’ll come a’callin’ once the Dragoning makes itself known where they are. It’ll turn them inside out like it did us.

I’d be happy to share my projections with you. Just don’t go stealing them!

Oh don’t worry, sir, I’ve got my eye on the street. You’re safe. I can even get a bell-boy to escort you to your room if you like. Well, technically she’s a bell girl tonight. But she’s a great escort and can make sure no one follows you or whatever your concern maybe.

Oh – I just assumed that you were curious because you were worried. This is one of the safest hotels in the city – and I’m not just saying that. They hired a lot of us from the police force and we know what to watch out for.

Have a restful night.

I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.

Oh no?

It’s not a business trip for you? I just assumed, I’m sorry.

What have you seen so far?

The front desk has great advice. They’ll tell you where to go – where not to go. (There are a lot more of those places than there used to be, let me tell you.)

Well – I know there’s a new tour that’s started up that’s been really popular. What’s it called? I’m going to feel so stupid when I remember – it’s a tour of the sites of the first dragon sightings. It’s like a ghost tour but with dragons.

Oh. It’s called The Dragon Tour.  I knew I’d feel like a dumbass when I remembered. I’ve heard it’s really good. They can sign you up at the Front Desk if you want. You can tell them I told you.

Yeah, man, no problem. I hope it’s interesting for you.

You need the bell boy?

Alright then – sleep well, man.

(Sound of an elevator ding, elevator doors opening, dragon roaring, rising chord of music)

Kristina

Our next stop will be the mall where three dragons laid waste to an entire T.G.I. Fridays.  Once   we arrive, we will get out of the van and go inside, if you’re comfortable. If you’d prefer to stay in the vehicle, you are welcome to do so. It is an active mall so it is full of people of all kinds. We cannot guarantee your safety there. Our driver, Dylan, will stay with the van and can give you a summary of what those inside will be seeing. Now – what’s unusual about the infamous Fridays massacre is the teaming up of the dragons. Almost every other attack had been a single dragon on her own – so the Fridays massacre was highly unusual.

You will see when we go in how the place was scorched from top to bottom.

The three dragons in question did not seem to know each other. They were all at separate tables – but those three tables happened to be surrounding a table of – forgive me the slang – but it was a table full of dude-bros. I don’t know another way to say it. From what we understand, they were fresh from some success at work and they were drinking. Apparently, it began with their harassing the waitress and then a woman at another table suggested that they give it a rest. They not only did not give it a rest, they began to reach out to other tables for support on their right to harass and in a couple of cases, they found it.

And that was when the dragons appeared. Accounts differ about what was said right before but it’s clear that SOMETHING was said and all three dragons torched him at once.

They looked at each other and then turned on the whole table of dude-bros. By this point, the place was in chaos and people were running, turning over tables. Some cowered behind them. The chaos and noise seemed to aggravate the dragons even more and as they turned their heads this way and that to see what was happening – they scorched the walls and ceiling. There are some incredible smoke patterns that you’ll see when we go inside.

In the end, despite the trio of dragons and the immense property destruction, only the dude-bros were harmed.

The dragons’ companions walked them out, back in human form – before the police arrived.

They took the dragon women into custody and they are awaiting trial now. Everyone is anxious to see what the outcome will be. Are the women culpable for what they did as dragons? Some say yes. Some say no. What happens in this case will set the precedent for so much in the future.

Now here we are at the Mall. Before we disembark, I would just like to remind everyone to stay together and I recommend not engaging with anyone outside the tour group. And when I say engaging, I mean not just speaking – but even something as simple as eye contact or even, and maybe especially, sound effects.

No – mmmms, no kissing sounds, no whistles, no teeth sucking. None of it. We’re not trying to be fascistic – we just want to make sure we go back with everyone we started with.

(sound of van door opening)

For those of you who prefer to stay in the van, just stay seated and we’ll be back before too long.

*

(dragon roaring, rising chord of music)

Dylan

No one ever stays with me! The guides always offer and no one ever takes them up on it. The dragons really got you spooked, huh? 

Oh, really? I’m flattered. And I guess you’re right – Kris has pretty much told you the story. And if you’ve seen one busted up Fridays, you’ve seen them all.

I mean – the only thing really worth seeing in there are the claw marks. Apparently, the dragons scratched up the floor before they scorched the guy.

I guess we can’t be sure they were caused by dragons, you’re right. Though they do match up with the video footage.

Of course there’s footage! It’s a Fridays – the place is a freakin’ security camera festival. I don’t know why – it’s not like there was so much in there to protect. I’m guessing it was more for the police to prosecute troublemakers causing chaos on the weekends.

Well, it was supposed to be suppressed into evidence but it was leaked somehow – so you can find it with some light googling. It’s not for the faint of heart.

Me? I’m just the van driver. But you’re right – I am interested. I applied to be a tour guide but they needed drivers more and it’s true, I am much more in demand as a driver than as a guide. But meanwhile, I’m learning everyone’s schpiels – So I could do it on my own if I needed to.

Well, don’t tell my bosses, but I have had ideas of branching out to start my own tour. I was thinking I’d advertise an extra safe experience with an all male staff.

Yeah. It might cause a ruffle or two. That’s why I’m taking my time getting it going. But as we go along, I think there’s going to be more demand for safe spaces.

You know, just places a man can relax and be sure he stands no chance of being torched or consumed.

Well – I do go to a bar that’s sort of accidentally become that. It’s not on the official dragon tour but it was one of the first sites. Not the first, obviously. But in the first batch. And all the guys who were there, who saw their buddy get gobbled up – well, they kept going to their old spot and they brought along their other buddies from other places and just, sort of organically, it became a place of solidarity and support. It’s a place where men can go and be comfortable. Just be men, you know?

It’s nothing special – just a regular sort of bar – but it’s special for the guys who go there.

I mean – we won’t kick a woman out but we do have some signs around. Like – somebody’s girlfriend embroidered a little sign that says, “He Man Woman Haters Club. No Girlz Allowed.” I mean – now that most public space is woman’s space – even the women know that we need our sanctuaries.

Sure – I’ll write up the address for you. You’re more than welcome. Anytime. Just don’t bring your girlfriend.

So how’d you end up signing up for our tour?

Spontaneous decision, huh? I see. And I see why you decided to stay in the van, then, too – I mean – some of those tourists, they’ve seen all the footage – they’ve seen all the photos. When Kristina tells the stories, many of them nod along because they are connoisseurs of such information. They could probably give the tour themselves. They had this tour booked out six months in advance. But you’re not like that.

Your doorman tells you about us, next day you’re riding around in a tour van. Your tour guide tells you you have a choice – you choose the thing nobody else chooses. Just cause you’re curious. Well, I like to think I have a few things figured out. I’ve survived these troubling times, haven’t I? You don’t survive by being a dummy. Well – some do. Some, do, of course.

Listen – here’s the address of the bar. Stop by tonight and I’ll buy you a drink. Or if I’m not there yet – ask for Colm at the bar, he’ll look after you.

Ah, here they come. Already scrolling through their photos. I hope they have space on their memory cards for the next three stops.

Looks like we didn’t lose any! We haven’t lost one yet! Though I will say – as much as the liability would go through the roof, if we lost a tourist on a dragon tour to a dragon, we’d be the hottest ticket on the circuit. Such is this crazy business.

Hello, hello, everyone! Welcome back. No dragons on this bus. This bus is a dragon free zone. Come on back up.

Come on.

Use your cane.

Come on back up.

(sound of dragon roar)

*

(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Sound design by Matt Powell

Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin

This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie, Brooke Turner as Kristina and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Thank you to our donors who made this episode possible. We’d particularly like to thank Donna, Agathe, Kim, Rebecca and Heather.

This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 In the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)

Episode One - Transcript

The Dragoning - Episode One

Transcript

(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)

EMILY:

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Dragoning

(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)

EMILY:

Episode One. Ray.

(The music sputters out. The sound of cab door closing.)

RAY:

Where to?

Oh sure. We’ll get you there safely, not to worry. No dragons in this cab and it is fireproofed. It won’t be long.

That your girlfriend that saw you to the cab?

Hook up? Like a one night stand? No.

Wow – even one night stands are looking after men now. I never would have thought. Used to be the reverse at this hour – men putting their ladies in cars, trying to keep them safe and now we got the reverse. Even for a one night stand. What has this world come to?

Oh I’m sure I have – I’m sure I have had lots of dragons in here but I just keep my mouth shut when I’ve got a lady in the cab these days. I don’t want to run the risk of saying something stupid, you know? Better to say nothing at all. Don’t be lulled into complacency just because they’re nice and polite. The nice and polite ones are the dangerous ones. I had one in here a couple months ago – sweet as can be – reminded me of my daughter, truth be told. All, “yes, sir, no, sir, - would it be too much trouble? And could you just drop me at the corner?”

And when I let her out, she hadn’t gone a block when suddenly – blam, she’s a dragon. She ate up some guy she’d just passed a moment before. I’m guessing he made the mistake of telling her to smile or something. That’s a mistake he won’t make again, let me tell you. Or any mistake.

Oh, she licked her dragon lips and quick as a blink she was walking along the street in her high heels innocent as can be. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I’d never have believed it. She turned around and waved at me, too. Knew I was watching. I felt like she could smell my fear and was just taking it in like someone outside a Krispy Kreme when they’re making the donuts.

It’s a funny time to be alive, man, I’ll tell you. They’ve got people collecting stories from the dragons themselves and the reasons for why they’re eating someone or setting him on fire…it’s chilling. Have you seen those?

Oh  - it’s such little stuff. It’s things like, “Taking up too much space on the elevator. Interrupting at a meeting. Talking too loudly on the phone.”

I mean – in the beginning we thought they might be vengeance dragons – they ate a lot of rapists and wife beaters and such… but it’s not just rapists and murderers anymore. Talking too loudly on the phone! Why, if I ate everyone who talked too loudly on the phone I wouldn’t have any customers, would I? I exaggerate.

Come to think of it, I understand the impulse to eat a loud talker. You’re not a loud phone talker, are you?

Just kidding, man. Don’t worry. There aren’t any male dragons. I’m not eating anyone. I just drive the taxi and hope I don’t get killed, you know?

Oh, I’m one of the few male drivers left. It’s ironic – men feel more comfortable with male drivers and male passengers are the most vulnerable, especially at night so you would think we would be in high demand.

Well – a lot of them – god rest their souls – got dragoned in one way or another. And who knew – but a lot of women were waiting in the wings for those jobs.

Some of the women I work with now, they tell me they’d always wanted to drive a cab but got shut out whenever they tried to apply. So it’s good they’re getting a shot now, of course.

I don’t think any of them are dragons. They don’t seem the type.

Oh, I don’t know. They’re tough. Direct. They don’t hesitate to tell you what’s up. The dragon women aren’t like that. At least not that I have seen.

I mean – I have a theory. Doesn’t everyone? But yeah – I think it’s like the dragon women spent their whole lives suppressing their reptilian brains and the anger centers and the rage button. (I’m not a brain guy, I know, I know – but whatever the technical terms are.) They suppressed them and it all got hardened up into that dragon egg gene and then poof – they are two beings – the dragon and the woman. 

And the women don’t always recall what happened when they were dragons – it’s like the dragon brain takes over and does its business and then fades as soon as the moment has passed.

That’s why it’s the nice sweet ones that flip – because they never learned to stomp their feet or whatever.

One of the ways to protect yourself if you’re with one is to just let yourself be afraid. Like, the way to avoid them turning into dragons and eating or enflaming you is to just lean into your fear. In their woman forms, they eat it.

What’s not to understand? They eat your fear – and that is enough to sate the dragon. The woman senses your fear – feels it, smells it, sees it, I don’t know – she won’t transform because she’s full, see? She doesn’t need lunch because she already ate.

Because let me tell you buddy – once she’s a dragon, there’s nothing you can do to stop what’s about to happen to you. The dragon won’t be reasoned with. The dragon doesn’t even understand words. It just sees the dumbass that called it forth and eats him. That’s it.

But if you’re afraid, man – that’s good. Because scared ones are rarely consumed.

Oh, very quickly. You’ll never see it with the naked eye. One minute you’re looking at a nice lady sipping on a lemonade – you blink – and suddenly there’s a dragon sitting there.

Of course someone has gotten it on camera. This is the great age of the image – you know they’ve filmed it and slowed it down and watched every element of the transformation.

Well – a fine mist comes out of the woman’s nose and then envelopes her in a bubble. The bubble becomes dragon shaped and then solidifies into a fully dragon shaped creature.

Sure – of course they tried that. But if you hold the nose when the dragon wants to come out, it will come out of the mouth. If you cover them both, the dragon will emerge from the ears and so on and so on.

When the dragon wants out, the dragon gets out. There is no stopping it. There were some funny videos – no, funny maybe isn’t the right word. But viral – there were some viral videos of women in meetings with nose clips on, trying to control it – and the astonishment when the dragon emerges for the mouth instead? Hilarious. Right before the carnage, of course.

Of course, they’re studying it. What do you think? We’re cavemen accepting our fate here? Some of the greatest scientists in the world are collaborating trying to get to the bottom of it. It’s just that it came on so suddenly – there’s no foundational science, you know. It’s not as if there were dragonologists sitting around waiting for the Dragoning. There are no studies of dragons. There are no precedents for this kind of transformation. The closest we can come is the butterfly and certainly there are a lot of butterfly experts on the case but again – there’s no precedent – so all these people who were used to working slowly and quietly in the academic halls are suddenly working under serious pressure.

What? Well – we all are now, man. We all know the ins and outs – how much progress has been made or not made. The news is nothing but – and our survival depends on keeping aware.

Oh, you know. I won’t ride in a subway car of all women. Men stick together when we can. We watch what we say. I’ve learned to modulate my voice. I used to be a real loud talker – my sister would tell you – I was one of those you’d hear over anyone. No more.  That is a surefire way to be burnt to a crisp.

Hotel Davina, yes? Here we are, my man.

Oh thank you sir.

Brent. Great. Nice to meet you and thank you.

You be careful getting out. Give a wave to the doorman, he’ll look out for you. Here’s my card. You give me a call if you need to go anywhere else. And say hi to Willie for me.

Tell him Ray says hello and to keep it cool. He’ll tell you some stories, let me tell you.

Willie used to work over at the police station in the missing persons unit. He was there in the first flush of the Dragoning and it was just, like, an avalanche of paperwork, he said. Well – he’ll tell you.  He’s just right there at the door. I should let you get inside. Be safe. Have a good night, my man. Call Ray if you need a safe ride.

(Cab door closing. Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)

* 

EMILY:

The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis

The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier

Our sound designer is Matt Powell

And our Sound Doula is Rick Scholwin

Ray was played and Sound Designed by Ned Massey

To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.

Messenger Theatre Company is a non-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.

Please, like, review and subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.

Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.

(Music resolves.)