The Dragoning - Episode Two
Transcript
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Two. Willie, Kristina and Dylan.
(The music sputters out. Sound of a cab driving away.)
Willie
He did? Ah, good old Ray. He used to bring by donuts for us over at the Missing Persons Unit downtown. Good guy. Always willing to help.
He did, huh? You’ve been talking dragons all night?
Yeah, we called it the epidemic over at the unit. Just stacks and stacks of men.
Well, it was such a change of pace. One day we had mostly missing women and children and then suddenly – it flipped. It felt like it happened in an instant. I don’t know – at the beginning everyone was less inclined to report a missing man – and we were less inclined to worry, you know. The usual answer had been, “Oh, he’s just out on a bender. He’ll be home before you know it.” Or – “He’s one of those nature guys – he just wandered out into the woods for a few days to get this head together. He’ll be back when his clothes get dirty. Har de har har.” But then – just a tsunami of missing dudes all at once. I suspect the first ones weren’t the kind anyone was worried about. The kind no one was particularly sad to see go. But then – we got some with girlfriends and wives in, distraught about their missing fellas. And even then, these weren’t the kind of guys most people were really worried about. You know – multiple affairs, serial harassers. We just sorta figured it was some kind of citywide bender that the city’s douchebags had gone on. Like maybe there was a Santa Con out of town that they all took off for.
But then the numbers just got so big, you know? And even if they were douchebags – they had wives and kids who were lost and distraught without them. We had to order extra Kleenex and let me tell you we used to get quite a lot in before but once the Dragoning began (and we had no idea that’s what it was, by the way) – once the Dragoning began – we couldn’t keep the tissues in stock. We realized we were going to have to report these cases – even though we’d tried to laugh them off for a while. We realized we had to file them – that we were in the middle of a serious exodus if we weren’t in a tragedy and we would have to document it.
The tears I could take. I was used to them. It was the paperwork that tipped me over the edge. Just mounds and mounds of it – and copies needing to be sent out in triplicate.
Our department hadn’t really updated its technology in decades. It was like the 70s in there. Sure – we had a couple of computers but there wasn’t any software for this sort of thing and the powers that be needed to hold it in their hands.
Honestly – I think I’d still be there growing my pension if we’d had some decent software to log all that.
Oh, yeah, that’s where I got the idea to quit. It got me started going to school again. I learn programming during the day and work this door at night. I guess I have the dragons to thank for my new future career.
Oh, yeah – I’m hoping to create updated missing person databases for police stations – bring them kicking and screaming into the 21st century if I have to, you know.
And I don’t mean to be cynical but I don’t think this epidemic could possibly be contained here. Others are going to need this – so if my old station can’t use it, I’ll have other possibilities coming up. I’m sure.
Oh, I’m tracking them. Nothing’s been confirmed yet – but I’m tracking the missing in seven cities and I think it’s a matter of weeks before they get a full outbreak.
I’m no epidemiologist but I run pretty good numbers.
You watch. I’m pretty sure my numbers are right. You keep your eye on other major cities…
Oh, sure. I’ve reached out to a few people but no one’s listening to me. The doorman at a hotel? They think I’m a crackpot. There’s no one who wants to read my projections. They will once my numbers are proved right, though. I believe they will. They’ll come a’callin’ once the Dragoning makes itself known where they are. It’ll turn them inside out like it did us.
I’d be happy to share my projections with you. Just don’t go stealing them!
Oh don’t worry, sir, I’ve got my eye on the street. You’re safe. I can even get a bell-boy to escort you to your room if you like. Well, technically she’s a bell girl tonight. But she’s a great escort and can make sure no one follows you or whatever your concern maybe.
Oh – I just assumed that you were curious because you were worried. This is one of the safest hotels in the city – and I’m not just saying that. They hired a lot of us from the police force and we know what to watch out for.
Have a restful night.
I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.
Oh no?
It’s not a business trip for you? I just assumed, I’m sorry.
What have you seen so far?
The front desk has great advice. They’ll tell you where to go – where not to go. (There are a lot more of those places than there used to be, let me tell you.)
Well – I know there’s a new tour that’s started up that’s been really popular. What’s it called? I’m going to feel so stupid when I remember – it’s a tour of the sites of the first dragon sightings. It’s like a ghost tour but with dragons.
Oh. It’s called The Dragon Tour. I knew I’d feel like a dumbass when I remembered. I’ve heard it’s really good. They can sign you up at the Front Desk if you want. You can tell them I told you.
Yeah, man, no problem. I hope it’s interesting for you.
You need the bell boy?
Alright then – sleep well, man.
(Sound of an elevator ding, elevator doors opening, dragon roaring, rising chord of music)
Kristina
Our next stop will be the mall where three dragons laid waste to an entire T.G.I. Fridays. Once we arrive, we will get out of the van and go inside, if you’re comfortable. If you’d prefer to stay in the vehicle, you are welcome to do so. It is an active mall so it is full of people of all kinds. We cannot guarantee your safety there. Our driver, Dylan, will stay with the van and can give you a summary of what those inside will be seeing. Now – what’s unusual about the infamous Fridays massacre is the teaming up of the dragons. Almost every other attack had been a single dragon on her own – so the Fridays massacre was highly unusual.
You will see when we go in how the place was scorched from top to bottom.
The three dragons in question did not seem to know each other. They were all at separate tables – but those three tables happened to be surrounding a table of – forgive me the slang – but it was a table full of dude-bros. I don’t know another way to say it. From what we understand, they were fresh from some success at work and they were drinking. Apparently, it began with their harassing the waitress and then a woman at another table suggested that they give it a rest. They not only did not give it a rest, they began to reach out to other tables for support on their right to harass and in a couple of cases, they found it.
And that was when the dragons appeared. Accounts differ about what was said right before but it’s clear that SOMETHING was said and all three dragons torched him at once.
They looked at each other and then turned on the whole table of dude-bros. By this point, the place was in chaos and people were running, turning over tables. Some cowered behind them. The chaos and noise seemed to aggravate the dragons even more and as they turned their heads this way and that to see what was happening – they scorched the walls and ceiling. There are some incredible smoke patterns that you’ll see when we go inside.
In the end, despite the trio of dragons and the immense property destruction, only the dude-bros were harmed.
The dragons’ companions walked them out, back in human form – before the police arrived.
They took the dragon women into custody and they are awaiting trial now. Everyone is anxious to see what the outcome will be. Are the women culpable for what they did as dragons? Some say yes. Some say no. What happens in this case will set the precedent for so much in the future.
Now here we are at the Mall. Before we disembark, I would just like to remind everyone to stay together and I recommend not engaging with anyone outside the tour group. And when I say engaging, I mean not just speaking – but even something as simple as eye contact or even, and maybe especially, sound effects.
No – mmmms, no kissing sounds, no whistles, no teeth sucking. None of it. We’re not trying to be fascistic – we just want to make sure we go back with everyone we started with.
(sound of van door opening)
For those of you who prefer to stay in the van, just stay seated and we’ll be back before too long.
*
(dragon roaring, rising chord of music)
Dylan
No one ever stays with me! The guides always offer and no one ever takes them up on it. The dragons really got you spooked, huh?
Oh, really? I’m flattered. And I guess you’re right – Kris has pretty much told you the story. And if you’ve seen one busted up Fridays, you’ve seen them all.
I mean – the only thing really worth seeing in there are the claw marks. Apparently, the dragons scratched up the floor before they scorched the guy.
I guess we can’t be sure they were caused by dragons, you’re right. Though they do match up with the video footage.
Of course there’s footage! It’s a Fridays – the place is a freakin’ security camera festival. I don’t know why – it’s not like there was so much in there to protect. I’m guessing it was more for the police to prosecute troublemakers causing chaos on the weekends.
Well, it was supposed to be suppressed into evidence but it was leaked somehow – so you can find it with some light googling. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Me? I’m just the van driver. But you’re right – I am interested. I applied to be a tour guide but they needed drivers more and it’s true, I am much more in demand as a driver than as a guide. But meanwhile, I’m learning everyone’s schpiels – So I could do it on my own if I needed to.
Well, don’t tell my bosses, but I have had ideas of branching out to start my own tour. I was thinking I’d advertise an extra safe experience with an all male staff.
Yeah. It might cause a ruffle or two. That’s why I’m taking my time getting it going. But as we go along, I think there’s going to be more demand for safe spaces.
You know, just places a man can relax and be sure he stands no chance of being torched or consumed.
Well – I do go to a bar that’s sort of accidentally become that. It’s not on the official dragon tour but it was one of the first sites. Not the first, obviously. But in the first batch. And all the guys who were there, who saw their buddy get gobbled up – well, they kept going to their old spot and they brought along their other buddies from other places and just, sort of organically, it became a place of solidarity and support. It’s a place where men can go and be comfortable. Just be men, you know?
It’s nothing special – just a regular sort of bar – but it’s special for the guys who go there.
I mean – we won’t kick a woman out but we do have some signs around. Like – somebody’s girlfriend embroidered a little sign that says, “He Man Woman Haters Club. No Girlz Allowed.” I mean – now that most public space is woman’s space – even the women know that we need our sanctuaries.
Sure – I’ll write up the address for you. You’re more than welcome. Anytime. Just don’t bring your girlfriend.
So how’d you end up signing up for our tour?
Spontaneous decision, huh? I see. And I see why you decided to stay in the van, then, too – I mean – some of those tourists, they’ve seen all the footage – they’ve seen all the photos. When Kristina tells the stories, many of them nod along because they are connoisseurs of such information. They could probably give the tour themselves. They had this tour booked out six months in advance. But you’re not like that.
Your doorman tells you about us, next day you’re riding around in a tour van. Your tour guide tells you you have a choice – you choose the thing nobody else chooses. Just cause you’re curious. Well, I like to think I have a few things figured out. I’ve survived these troubling times, haven’t I? You don’t survive by being a dummy. Well – some do. Some, do, of course.
Listen – here’s the address of the bar. Stop by tonight and I’ll buy you a drink. Or if I’m not there yet – ask for Colm at the bar, he’ll look after you.
Ah, here they come. Already scrolling through their photos. I hope they have space on their memory cards for the next three stops.
Looks like we didn’t lose any! We haven’t lost one yet! Though I will say – as much as the liability would go through the roof, if we lost a tourist on a dragon tour to a dragon, we’d be the hottest ticket on the circuit. Such is this crazy business.
Hello, hello, everyone! Welcome back. No dragons on this bus. This bus is a dragon free zone. Come on back up.
Come on.
Use your cane.
Come on back up.
(sound of dragon roar)
*
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin
This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie, Brooke Turner as Kristina and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.
To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
Thank you to our donors who made this episode possible. We’d particularly like to thank Donna, Agathe, Kim, Rebecca and Heather.
This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 In the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.
Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)The Dragoning - Episode Two
Transcript
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Two. Willie, Kristina and Dylan.
(The music sputters out. Sound of a cab driving away.)
Willie
He did? Ah, good old Ray. He used to bring by donuts for us over at the Missing Persons Unit downtown. Good guy. Always willing to help.
He did, huh? You’ve been talking dragons all night?
Yeah, we called it the epidemic over at the unit. Just stacks and stacks of men.
Well, it was such a change of pace. One day we had mostly missing women and children and then suddenly – it flipped. It felt like it happened in an instant. I don’t know – at the beginning everyone was less inclined to report a missing man – and we were less inclined to worry, you know. The usual answer had been, “Oh, he’s just out on a bender. He’ll be home before you know it.” Or – “He’s one of those nature guys – he just wandered out into the woods for a few days to get this head together. He’ll be back when his clothes get dirty. Har de har har.” But then – just a tsunami of missing dudes all at once. I suspect the first ones weren’t the kind anyone was worried about. The kind no one was particularly sad to see go. But then – we got some with girlfriends and wives in, distraught about their missing fellas. And even then, these weren’t the kind of guys most people were really worried about. You know – multiple affairs, serial harassers. We just sorta figured it was some kind of citywide bender that the city’s douchebags had gone on. Like maybe there was a Santa Con out of town that they all took off for.
But then the numbers just got so big, you know? And even if they were douchebags – they had wives and kids who were lost and distraught without them. We had to order extra Kleenex and let me tell you we used to get quite a lot in before but once the Dragoning began (and we had no idea that’s what it was, by the way) – once the Dragoning began – we couldn’t keep the tissues in stock. We realized we were going to have to report these cases – even though we’d tried to laugh them off for a while. We realized we had to file them – that we were in the middle of a serious exodus if we weren’t in a tragedy and we would have to document it.
The tears I could take. I was used to them. It was the paperwork that tipped me over the edge. Just mounds and mounds of it – and copies needing to be sent out in triplicate.
Our department hadn’t really updated its technology in decades. It was like the 70s in there. Sure – we had a couple of computers but there wasn’t any software for this sort of thing and the powers that be needed to hold it in their hands.
Honestly – I think I’d still be there growing my pension if we’d had some decent software to log all that.
Oh, yeah, that’s where I got the idea to quit. It got me started going to school again. I learn programming during the day and work this door at night. I guess I have the dragons to thank for my new future career.
Oh, yeah – I’m hoping to create updated missing person databases for police stations – bring them kicking and screaming into the 21st century if I have to, you know.
And I don’t mean to be cynical but I don’t think this epidemic could possibly be contained here. Others are going to need this – so if my old station can’t use it, I’ll have other possibilities coming up. I’m sure.
Oh, I’m tracking them. Nothing’s been confirmed yet – but I’m tracking the missing in seven cities and I think it’s a matter of weeks before they get a full outbreak.
I’m no epidemiologist but I run pretty good numbers.
You watch. I’m pretty sure my numbers are right. You keep your eye on other major cities…
Oh, sure. I’ve reached out to a few people but no one’s listening to me. The doorman at a hotel? They think I’m a crackpot. There’s no one who wants to read my projections. They will once my numbers are proved right, though. I believe they will. They’ll come a’callin’ once the Dragoning makes itself known where they are. It’ll turn them inside out like it did us.
I’d be happy to share my projections with you. Just don’t go stealing them!
Oh don’t worry, sir, I’ve got my eye on the street. You’re safe. I can even get a bell-boy to escort you to your room if you like. Well, technically she’s a bell girl tonight. But she’s a great escort and can make sure no one follows you or whatever your concern maybe.
Oh – I just assumed that you were curious because you were worried. This is one of the safest hotels in the city – and I’m not just saying that. They hired a lot of us from the police force and we know what to watch out for.
Have a restful night.
I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.
Oh no?
It’s not a business trip for you? I just assumed, I’m sorry.
What have you seen so far?
The front desk has great advice. They’ll tell you where to go – where not to go. (There are a lot more of those places than there used to be, let me tell you.)
Well – I know there’s a new tour that’s started up that’s been really popular. What’s it called? I’m going to feel so stupid when I remember – it’s a tour of the sites of the first dragon sightings. It’s like a ghost tour but with dragons.
Oh. It’s called The Dragon Tour. I knew I’d feel like a dumbass when I remembered. I’ve heard it’s really good. They can sign you up at the Front Desk if you want. You can tell them I told you.
Yeah, man, no problem. I hope it’s interesting for you.
You need the bell boy?
Alright then – sleep well, man.
(Sound of an elevator ding, elevator doors opening, dragon roaring, rising chord of music)
Kristina
Our next stop will be the mall where three dragons laid waste to an entire T.G.I. Fridays. Once we arrive, we will get out of the van and go inside, if you’re comfortable. If you’d prefer to stay in the vehicle, you are welcome to do so. It is an active mall so it is full of people of all kinds. We cannot guarantee your safety there. Our driver, Dylan, will stay with the van and can give you a summary of what those inside will be seeing. Now – what’s unusual about the infamous Fridays massacre is the teaming up of the dragons. Almost every other attack had been a single dragon on her own – so the Fridays massacre was highly unusual.
You will see when we go in how the place was scorched from top to bottom.
The three dragons in question did not seem to know each other. They were all at separate tables – but those three tables happened to be surrounding a table of – forgive me the slang – but it was a table full of dude-bros. I don’t know another way to say it. From what we understand, they were fresh from some success at work and they were drinking. Apparently, it began with their harassing the waitress and then a woman at another table suggested that they give it a rest. They not only did not give it a rest, they began to reach out to other tables for support on their right to harass and in a couple of cases, they found it.
And that was when the dragons appeared. Accounts differ about what was said right before but it’s clear that SOMETHING was said and all three dragons torched him at once.
They looked at each other and then turned on the whole table of dude-bros. By this point, the place was in chaos and people were running, turning over tables. Some cowered behind them. The chaos and noise seemed to aggravate the dragons even more and as they turned their heads this way and that to see what was happening – they scorched the walls and ceiling. There are some incredible smoke patterns that you’ll see when we go inside.
In the end, despite the trio of dragons and the immense property destruction, only the dude-bros were harmed.
The dragons’ companions walked them out, back in human form – before the police arrived.
They took the dragon women into custody and they are awaiting trial now. Everyone is anxious to see what the outcome will be. Are the women culpable for what they did as dragons? Some say yes. Some say no. What happens in this case will set the precedent for so much in the future.
Now here we are at the Mall. Before we disembark, I would just like to remind everyone to stay together and I recommend not engaging with anyone outside the tour group. And when I say engaging, I mean not just speaking – but even something as simple as eye contact or even, and maybe especially, sound effects.
No – mmmms, no kissing sounds, no whistles, no teeth sucking. None of it. We’re not trying to be fascistic – we just want to make sure we go back with everyone we started with.
(sound of van door opening)
For those of you who prefer to stay in the van, just stay seated and we’ll be back before too long.
*
(dragon roaring, rising chord of music)
Dylan
No one ever stays with me! The guides always offer and no one ever takes them up on it. The dragons really got you spooked, huh?
Oh, really? I’m flattered. And I guess you’re right – Kris has pretty much told you the story. And if you’ve seen one busted up Fridays, you’ve seen them all.
I mean – the only thing really worth seeing in there are the claw marks. Apparently, the dragons scratched up the floor before they scorched the guy.
I guess we can’t be sure they were caused by dragons, you’re right. Though they do match up with the video footage.
Of course there’s footage! It’s a Fridays – the place is a freakin’ security camera festival. I don’t know why – it’s not like there was so much in there to protect. I’m guessing it was more for the police to prosecute troublemakers causing chaos on the weekends.
Well, it was supposed to be suppressed into evidence but it was leaked somehow – so you can find it with some light googling. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Me? I’m just the van driver. But you’re right – I am interested. I applied to be a tour guide but they needed drivers more and it’s true, I am much more in demand as a driver than as a guide. But meanwhile, I’m learning everyone’s schpiels – So I could do it on my own if I needed to.
Well, don’t tell my bosses, but I have had ideas of branching out to start my own tour. I was thinking I’d advertise an extra safe experience with an all male staff.
Yeah. It might cause a ruffle or two. That’s why I’m taking my time getting it going. But as we go along, I think there’s going to be more demand for safe spaces.
You know, just places a man can relax and be sure he stands no chance of being torched or consumed.
Well – I do go to a bar that’s sort of accidentally become that. It’s not on the official dragon tour but it was one of the first sites. Not the first, obviously. But in the first batch. And all the guys who were there, who saw their buddy get gobbled up – well, they kept going to their old spot and they brought along their other buddies from other places and just, sort of organically, it became a place of solidarity and support. It’s a place where men can go and be comfortable. Just be men, you know?
It’s nothing special – just a regular sort of bar – but it’s special for the guys who go there.
I mean – we won’t kick a woman out but we do have some signs around. Like – somebody’s girlfriend embroidered a little sign that says, “He Man Woman Haters Club. No Girlz Allowed.” I mean – now that most public space is woman’s space – even the women know that we need our sanctuaries.
Sure – I’ll write up the address for you. You’re more than welcome. Anytime. Just don’t bring your girlfriend.
So how’d you end up signing up for our tour?
Spontaneous decision, huh? I see. And I see why you decided to stay in the van, then, too – I mean – some of those tourists, they’ve seen all the footage – they’ve seen all the photos. When Kristina tells the stories, many of them nod along because they are connoisseurs of such information. They could probably give the tour themselves. They had this tour booked out six months in advance. But you’re not like that.
Your doorman tells you about us, next day you’re riding around in a tour van. Your tour guide tells you you have a choice – you choose the thing nobody else chooses. Just cause you’re curious. Well, I like to think I have a few things figured out. I’ve survived these troubling times, haven’t I? You don’t survive by being a dummy. Well – some do. Some, do, of course.
Listen – here’s the address of the bar. Stop by tonight and I’ll buy you a drink. Or if I’m not there yet – ask for Colm at the bar, he’ll look after you.
Ah, here they come. Already scrolling through their photos. I hope they have space on their memory cards for the next three stops.
Looks like we didn’t lose any! We haven’t lost one yet! Though I will say – as much as the liability would go through the roof, if we lost a tourist on a dragon tour to a dragon, we’d be the hottest ticket on the circuit. Such is this crazy business.
Hello, hello, everyone! Welcome back. No dragons on this bus. This bus is a dragon free zone. Come on back up.
Come on.
Use your cane.
Come on back up.
(sound of dragon roar)
*
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
Our Sound Doula was Rick Scholwin
This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie, Brooke Turner as Kristina and Jeff LaGreca as Dylan.
To hear future episodes of The Dragoning please contribute to our Indiegogo campaign. The link is in the show notes.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
Thank you to our donors who made this episode possible. We’d particularly like to thank Donna, Agathe, Kim, Rebecca and Heather.
This episode was recorded in the spring of 2020 In the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.
Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)