Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning
Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
Season Two of The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Eight: Amanda, Paul and Alice
(The music sputters out.)
(Sound of a TV studio in full bustle)
Episode 8
AMANDA
Brent! You were amazing. You were built for TV. My office has already texted me twenty times raving about you and expressing their total jealousy that I snapped you up as my client before they could.
We are going to get Ashley out, I fully believe it. You’ve got the magic touch.
Oh, yeah. I will be getting a promotion at my office, no doubt. They love a self starter over there. But I have a dream client so…
No. Really. It’s impossible to kick off something this ambitious without someone who’s really onboard and has the skill to work the media. And you can work the media, Brent. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?
Do you need anything? How’re you doing after all that? You feel good?
You absolutely should.
Good. So We’re going to hit a few more shows while we’re here in this building.
They’ll space out their airing of course – and we’ll want it to seem like different days, which is why I had you bring those changes of clothes. We can’t have you making the rounds in the same shirt – that is a big faux pas.
No, no. You’re doing so well. You’ve got our three points down and you’re a natural. I do not want to tell you even one more thing. You’ve just got to let your instinct be your guide out there.
Listen buddy, you’re charming and all you gotta do is charm whomever you’re talking to and slide in some stories about your charming girlfriend and let them know what a sweetheart she is.
That’s what you’re already doing and literally all we need to do is give you the space to keep doing that.
Oh don’t worry about telling the same stories. These shows all have different audiences and even if someone were to see all of them, they’re going to be used to hearing similar stories in all those different spots.
Do you WATCH TV Brent? Ever see a celebrity make the talk show rounds? They’re telling the same stories over and over, too. But listen – if you’ve got more in you – by all means share them. There’s nothing that would help us more than having one of those stories catch fire on the internet. If you happen to hit on one that strikes the public…all the better. Can we guarantee such a thing? Nope. But if we expand out – sure – we get more chances you’ll hit on one that’ll fly. Wait - can dragons fly?
No, right. Of course not.
Flying might be scary for the people in the end anyway.
So yeah. Just – let your instincts guide you. Instinct. Instinct. Instinct.
No – you know what’s nuts, Brent? The more you seem like the World’s Greatest Boyfriend, the more ladies will like you and want you to be their boyfriend – even though it’s obvious you’re taken. It is the gloriously weird boyfriend’s law.
Oh, yes. Boyfriend’s law. Make your client the perfect boyfriend then all the ladies will want him for a boyfriend. It’s a thing. A weird thing. But a thing.
I mean – didn’t you ever find someone more attractive when they were taken? Like, you weren’t into them and then they started going out with someone else and you were like…hmmmm. How did I miss that before?
It’s a little bit that – and also – so many men are such junk that when ladies see one who treats his lady well, they cannot help but find him immensely attractive.
It’s a great selling point for us. Because part of our story here is you and how you’ve got this great girlfriend who just happens to be a dragon and the more charming you are, the more charming they’re bound to find her. I mean, you chose her – so she must be great.
No. No. Honestly – no. It almost never works like that with women. Men will be jealous like that – women are unlikely to want to pursue vengeance against woman because they like her man. It’s not usually how this dynamic works.
And listen – don’t worry about that brunch with your ex. Paul explained that he set you guys up to do that for him so he could get closer to me. So I know what was going on there – so I don’t think you’re a bad boyfriend or anything.
No, yeah, he’s sweet. I appreciate the lengths he went to.
Good. Good. So. We’re headed up to the 11th floor now. We’ll have you change when we get to their dressing room for you. And just do as you did for this last one. You’ll be amazing. Again. 11th floor, here we come!
*
(Dragon roars)
(Bar stool being pulled out. Drinks set down. Sports bar sound)
*
PAUL
That was you – on the TV. You got yourself on TV! Or, I guess, technically, my new girlfriend got you on the TV
She’s great, huh? What a dazzler. Thanks for being her client, man. It’s really helping her out. And she’s on a real high – which benefits me, too, you know. So. #FreeTheDragon all the way.
But why didn’t you tell me you were still seeing the dragon?
Sorry – Ashley.
No – I get it. I get it. Gotta keep the girlfriend safe. Makes sense.
I’m glad to know now, though. Along with everyone else in the country. Maybe even the world.
No, man. It’s just that my new girlfriend, who we BOTH just met, knew your business before I did. Like – long before.
No. No. I know. I know. Sorry man.
I think I like this girl now and it’s making me very sensitive, you know?
Wait, what? Keeping me safe? Why would I need to be kept safe?
From your girlfriend?
Oh, because she’s a dragon, right.
I’m not afraid.
What do you mean that’s why you have to protect me?
Because what?
Oh, because I’m not afraid.
And I should be. I see.
Well man, I don’t really know what fear is – at least not since I was a little kid and afraid of the dark. I mean – that’s why I do all those stunts – like the sky diving and bungee jumping and everything – so I can really feel some classic fear.
I’m not, like, afraid of those things, though, I just get an amazing dose of adrenaline.
You’re saying that’s a liability with the dragons.
A big one? How?
Having no fear makes a dragon hungry. Huh. Okay. Very weird – but okay.
I mean – you should know. You’ve been to Dragon City. You’ve got yourself a dragon girlfriend. You’re the expert here.
No. No. It’s fine, man. You do the traveling, you get the info – that’s how it works. But this fear idea sounds a little cuckoo to me.
What do they do, smell fear?
Like a dog?
No. It smells good to them?
What other ways?
What sort of vibe?
Like a sixth sense or some shit?
Right. Okay.
What do you mean?
Like – okay. Late at night. I’m behind some chick.
I guess? Like – why would she be scared of me? I’m a nice guy.
She’s gotta give me a chance.
Don’t Oh Paul Me.
Boy – fresh converts are always the worst, aren’t they?
Just – so zealous.
No, dude. I don’t know why you said, “Oh, Paul.” Clue me in, O wise one.
Man. I don’t want feminism 101.
That’s not for me. Just tell me what you meant.
That’s funny because you know I really do like sharks.
No – they won’t all eat you. Most of them wouldn’t, actually.
No man, I’d paddle away, stat. Get in the water with a shark? Not without an extensive evaluation of risks – until I knew EXACTLY what kind of shark it was.
Men are like sharks to women? Huh?
Some women do like sharks. Not a lot – but some do.
I know what a metaphor is. I’m not an idiot.
Okay. Okay. A woman sees me coming up behind her on a dark street, she just has to assume I’m a shark.
Right. And she won’t know I’m not a man eating shark without extensive evaluation – which she absolutely has no time or interest in late at night.
I guess that makes sense, in a way, but most men aren’t sharks, dude, you know that.
Well yeah – not to us. Not to anyone. They’re not sharks. I’m not a shark. You’re not a shark.
Metaphor. Metaphor. Okay. Right. All men are sharks but not all men are the man-eating kind but women can’t tell the difference from the outset – so they have to assume we’re all man-eaters.
Now don’t go introducing a complication – what do you mean some of them develop an instinct?
Oh, lord. Yes, of course – my buddy Steve – my women friends are always telling me to leave him at home. He’s perfectly nice but they’re always like, “I don’t know, Paul, I just get a bad feeling about him.”
Well, he’s never done anything to me.
No, I guess you’re right. He wouldn’t, would he? Sharks only eat women.
Fine. Fine. I get it. Can we talk about the footie now?
No, I didn’t see that game either. Hell – what’s happened to us, Brent? Who have we become?
Nah. Nah. I’m cool. We’re cool. It’s all cool, dude.
Let’s hit that ping pong table downstairs.
(Dragon Roar)
(Sound of car in motion. A computer voice says “Incoming call from Alice Dwyer”)
ALICE
Well, Brent – you’re really in it now, huh? Just jumping into the ocean with all your feet.
There’s no law against the sort of thing you’re up to. Not yet anyway. You can say what you like, go where you like.
No. You’re right. My bosses do not like it. We like to keep things quiet and what you’re up to is not very quiet Brent.
And they’re not too keen on you trying to free the prisoner – but it’s not against the law.
We can’t stop you, Brent. We might like to. We might want to. You’re making things sticky for us and it’s not easy for anyone now. The phone calls we’re getting, Brent. The phone calls. I don’t know if you’ve ever been the target for a PR campaign but it’s not pleasant, Brent. We get a lot of cuckoos who somehow find our numbers. And cuckoos who want to free dragons are a whole new brand of cuckoo that we’re seeing.
Is there any way we could convince you to leave off this campaign?
You know we can’t do that, Brent.
There are a lot of reasons.
Number one would be the international incident that would surely happen.
You don’t think so?
You think a dragon can just walk around free in this country without causing an international incident?
You’re right. Granted. We have already had an international incident. We’re just trying to avoid another one, Brent. One was plenty and this is a damn mess already. But she gets released? Oh we’ve got an even bigger one.
Listen. We can make things go well for you or we can make them go badly.
No. Not a threat. Just a statement of fact. You want a TV show? Is that what this is about? We have a lot of people who would like a recommendation from us, you know.
So if a TV show is what you’re after here…we can do that.
I appreciate you want to free your girlfriend. I’m sure I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes. But – you have to know that this is going to fail either way and it can either fail now and you can get something you want or it can fail later after you’ve been chewed up and digested by the media. It’s really up to you what you prefer.
You think we don’t get a lot of calls from kooks in other circumstances? We get calls from kooks every day all day no matter what the season. This sort of thing just sort of changes the context.
You could. You could see this conversation as evidence your little campaign is working. Or you could see it as a friendly hand to a drowning man.
I mean. Did you think we wouldn’t notice? We are watching you, Brent. We’ve been watching you. We decided not to prosecute you but we could change our minds. We’ve got heat, Brent, and we could turn it up. I’m just keeping you up to date.
No. We don’t love the media, Brent. Not most of the time. On occasion, they can help us out with this or that – but for the most part it’s a real nuisance.
You know, the extra phone calls and such.
No, you’re right. I personally never hear those calls. Our screener plays us recordings of the kookiest – just for fun – but I don’t personally answer the phone.
No, like I say, we’re not lacking for kook calls any time of year. It’s not heat on us. I personally do not care what you do.
Well, you may find that there are politicians who DO care what you do – because they DO care what the kooks say when they call their offices. And those folks – well…let’s say their ethics are not always in line with ours. You know?
Nope. Just the facts. Just the facts. I don’t want to see you get hurt just because you want to get your girlfriend out of confinement. I’ve taken a little shine to you, sure. You’ve helped us out. You gave us some perspective on what may be coming for us here. I want what’s best for you. I sympathize. And I worry.
Right. So. Have a think about it. You know how to reach me if you need a hand in extracting yourself.
(Dragon Roar)
*
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
This episode featured Rhiannon Moushall as Amanda, Conrad Le Bron as Paul and Clare Stevenson as Alice.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)