Messenger Theatre Company presents Season Two of The Dragoning
Episode Ten: Alice
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
Season Two of The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Ten: Alice
(The music sputters out.)
(Government Office noise)
Episode 10
ALICE DYER
Well, of course. We’ve been listening in on you, Brent. What do you think we are? Amateurs?
No – and not just with Ashley either, though clearly that’s when you thought we were listening.
Well Brent, We’ve been tracking your contacts, especially with the knitting group.
Yes and it is really very obvious that they are not exactly a knitting group.
Oh we know. And we congratulate you on your new skill. My colleagues are particular fans of the cap you knitted.
But yes. We’re very aware of what actually ties that knitting group together and it is not yarn.
The problem is, Brent, the problem is – you’re involved with a very dangerous group of women.
They are a very dangerous group of women, Brent, and I’m certain you know how dangerous.
And I think, Brent, I think you may be responsible for making them even more dangerous than they were before.
From what we understand, Brent, this is a group of dragons and dragon supporters. And until they met up with you, they were just a group of nice ladies masquerading as a knitting society.
But there have been a series of incidents lately, Brent. A series of incidents that I think the law might hold YOU accountable for.
There’s a smoothie these girls have been drinking to keep their dragons in check and it would seem you encouraged them to stop. You, Mr. #FreeTheDragon may have hashtag freed more dragons than you planned on.
Well, Brent, I can’t share all the details with you – but I can tell you that I have an epic list of missing men and some reports of dragon sightings near the places they went missing. I’ve got some scorch marks that would not be naturally occurring. I don’t want to say those girls have been on a rampage – but it does have all the signs of a rampage.
And we have to assume, Brent, that this rampage is connected to this “knitting group” quote unquote.
No. Not yet Brent. There’s no solid evidence yet – so I cannot take you in just yet. But I am sure it is only a matter of time and it will not pleasant.
We only have the recordings of Fiona – so she’s our only suspect at the moment. But what we need, Brent, are the names of the other members of your group.
What do you mean you don’t think Fiona’s a dragon? She’s part of this group, isn’t she?
Ally, how?
Like you, how?
No, I know you’re not a dragon, Brent. That’s obvious.
Okay. Like support them. Help them out. Maybe with a Free the Dragon campaign. I see. And you’re saying she’s like you – just a friend to the dragons, not an actual dragon.
How do you know?
A vibe? Really. A vibe. Oh lord.
Like what? What did she say that makes you think she’s not a dragon?
Okay. What DIDN’T she say then?
What does apologizing have to do with anything?
Okay.
But if we take her in, we’ll know pretty quickly, won’t we?
Doesn’t matter. We want the whole ring, not just their leader.
She’s not?
Oh. Spokeswoman, then.
Just tell me who else is in the group, Brent. I don’t want to come back here with charges for you.
What do you mean, you don’t know? You hung out with those ladies all that time and you don’t know anyone’s name? Come on.
What are they doing, using code names?
Well – what were those?
What do you mean you don’t know? Brent. Come on.
I know you’re a man, Brent. I have been paying attention.
Careful, how?
But careful, how?
I mean, they must have trusted you enough to have you around.
Useful how.
Like a block? Like you’re running interference?
Listen. I don’t trust men either but I do tell them my name.
No I’m not a dragon.
Do you think every woman you meet is a dragon, Brent?
I’m plenty paranoid. I do not need to start assuming every woman I meet is a dragon.
We’re losing the thread here, Brent. I have a dragon rampage on my hands and I want answers.
You went to a convention. I don’t know, how you can expect me to believe you didn’t learn anyone’s name. Don’t these people use name tags like everyone at a convention?
I don’t understand why they would avoid names even with each other? That makes no sense. What power does a name have if you can breathe fire?
Granted. I see that. Yes. I want a name – therefore it has power. Yes. I see. But they’re not worried about me.
Doxing. That was the – uh…?
Sure. Oh yeah. That’s just having your cover blown. If you’re not doing bad stuff – or working for the government then it’s not really a big deal.
The most interesting stuff does not happen on the internet, believe it or not.
I understand power in numbers.
A million dragon hating dudes? But what would they do?
But are they credible threats?
Well, I can tell the difference very well.
I’m sure we have a cyber crime unit in operation.
No, we don’t protect dragons.
I see.
And that is why they don’t use each other’s names and you don’t know any of them.
I see. Sure.
You’re telling me you don’t know anyone’s name but Fiona’s, which is the only name any of you knows. So even if I tracked down Brenda or someone, she’d probably only know Fiona’s name, too?
Good god. This is going to be a really difficult crime syndicate to track down if what you’re saying is true.
I’ve got a nameless group of nice normal looking women out on these streets ready to terrorize any man they see.
Oh good lord, this is bad. This is very bad. And we can’t even blame this one on foreigners. Eep.
But we can blame you. Local dragon-o-phile convinces Dragon Coven to let loose and come out fighting.
What would you call it then?
Group? That’s not very evocative.
No – I know a coven is a group of witches. It’s hyperbole. Group of women witches, group of women dragons. Seems logical to me. They’re both magical creatures or whatever.
They’re not magical?
Okay mythical. Sure.
You don’t call that magic?
Okay. I’ll grant you that. Maybe magic is just science we don’t understand yet.
Anyway – I can take you in. I can hold you responsible if I can’t get my hands on the dragons. Maybe they’ll come for you.
You don’t think so? Some friends.
What sort of better things?
Revolution? I mean. Now you’re really talking trouble. Revolution! Like, they want to overthrow the government?
What do you mean order of things?
You’re making no sense, Brent. And you don’t seem too worried about getting taken in. Why is that, Brent? You think all your new fans will start a hashtag? Free the Dragon’s Boyfriend campaign? I don’t think that strategy will work twice.
Well, if that’s not it, what is it? If I were you, I’d be shaking in my boots about getting taken in for conspiracy.
No, I don’t suppose there would be anything you could do about it.
Yes, we do have the recordings. Plain as day – you suggesting the dragons stop drinking their anti-dragon juice. I think that’s pretty incriminating, Brent.
What do you mean?
Why wouldn’t they listen to you?
Well, you’ve run a pretty successful free the dragon campaign, I’d say that maybe earned you the right to be listened to.
Sure. Yes. You’re a man. So what?
Why wouldn’t they listen to a man?
I know they’re dragons, Brent. That’s why we’re having this conversation.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by power.
Sure – I can handle a metaphor.
Okay – the dragons are sharks. Got it.
Okay. And you’re a minnow.
I don’t know what happens when a minnow tries to tell a group of sharks what to do.
Ha ha. Depends on how annoying the minnow is indeed. Very funny. How annoying are you, Brent?
Okay. Not annoying enough to get eaten. Sure.
You’re saying they wouldn’t pay you any mind – because you’re a minnow and they’re sharks.
That’s not really going to hold up in a court of law, Brent.
Oh I plan on asking them if I can find them. That’s why I’m still sitting here talking to you instead of hauling you in.
I think you do matter, Brent. I think a famous dragon’s boyfriend suggests to a group of dragons they stop drugging themselves, I think they might stop drugging themselves – which means you are directly responsible for the assumed deaths of quite a few men, Brent.
What do you mean, what did they do? It doesn’t matter what they did. They didn’t deserve to be eaten or burned to death.
Are you asking what they were wearing, Brent? If they were asking for it? I don’t care if they walked right up to those dragons and told them to eat them, they shouldn’t have been eaten.
There are not.
There are?
I don’t think these guys are those kind of guys, Brent. But again – it does not matter.
Well, I’m thinking accessory to murder or conspiracy.
Are you a lawyer, Brent?
No – just talking to someone isn’t a crime, you’re right about that. But I think if that someone is a dragon -
Fine. If that someone is a spokesperson for dragons, then it’s a different situation.
I mean. From your conversation with her, I might think she’s gone off the grid. Certainly, her phone is dead and she is nowhere to be found.
She’s a person of interest, for sure. And if we find she was at any of these immolations or consumptions, she will be in really big trouble. Or if she did it herself. Not that she’s a dragon, I know. The vibe.
You weren’t at any of these immolations or consumptions, were you, Brent?
Didn’t go along for a little dragon joy ride, did you?
No. I guess you don’t have a death wish, do you?
You never know what people are into.
A year ago you didn’t know you’d be into dragons, did you?
No one had dragons on their minds a year ago. Things change quickly, I guess.
Sure. You can ask me whatever. I may not answer – but you can ask.
Never really thought about it, honestly and I’m not sure we’ll have a choice about whether or not we want to live in this dragoning world. This is becoming the world whether we like it or not.
I think it would be so bad. I like a world with order in it. I like a world where people mostly behave themselves and the ones that don’t, get locked up.
That’s a world that makes sense to me. A world where animals decide who lives and dies? That’s not for me.
What are you talking about, justice? Sure – justice is complicated and the wheels of it grind slowly but we can’t solve our problems with teeth and fire, Brent. That’s no solution.
Tip the balance. Tip the balance. Come on. You are one weird dude.
No I cannot take you in for being a weird dude. Unfortunately.
If I had dragon powers? Like if I could breathe fire and eat people? I think I’d just sit around smugly thinking about all the people I could eat but wasn’t.
The real benefit of power is not having to use it.
That’s what they teach you in martial arts anyway. Because you CAN karate chop a man’s arm means you don’t. Because you can take a man down to the ground in a single move, you don’t. That’s the power of power.
Well that’s very clever, Brent. Very clever indeed. Because I can take you down to the station, I won’t.
Okay. But mostly because it would actually be of no benefit to anyone. I’m pretty sure you don’t know any more than I know. You don’t have names I don’t have. You haven’t had many conversations I haven’t heard. I take you in, I scare you a little bit but I generate paper work for me and very possibly another PR nightmare.
So you’re right. I don’t really want to take you in. But I reserve my right to. When The Dragoning starts in earnest and someone wants to blame me, I may just shift that blame right over to you. I mean, you will always be linked to our patient zero, as it were, so that will be easy enough. But no. I won’t take you in now. Not yet.
If you have information that can help us stave off that inevitable day, speak now.
I figured as much. Had to ask. Well, when this whole society grinds to a halt from fear of these things, I won’t thank you.
You’re right. We do have eyes on you. And Ashley. So do a lot of people.
Be careful, Brent. Be careful.
Sure I can smell something.
Yeah, so you’re scared, so what?
You think I’m smelling your fear, Brent? Don’t be ridiculous.
But dragons smell fear.
What do you mean I’m not nice enough to be a dragon? That’s not a nice thing to say.
I don’t fit the pattern because I’m not a dragon, Brent.
And you’re an expert all of a sudden?
I don’t know – sort of a savory marshmallowy sort of thing?
I’m not eating your fear, Brent. I’d know it if I was.
Why would I investigate myself?
I’m telling you to be careful, Brent. You don’t tell me.
You really think I might be a dragon, huh?
Well, that would be a real kick in the pants, wouldn’t it?
But I’d know, wouldn’t I?
You’re telling me there are dragons walking around who don’t know they’re dragons?
How could you eat someone and not know it?
No, I know you haven’t eaten anyone. And I haven’t either.
Right. To my knowledge. Ha.
Like – a split consciousness?
I would imagine it would be a lot for a brain to process – the transformation, the reptile brain, the change in the body.
Like getting black out drunk. Sure.
Man, that smell is getting stronger. You don’t smell that?
Kind of a savory burnt marshmallow? No?
That’s your fear?
And you think I’m eating it.
I’m not, though. I don’t have a knife and fork.
No, I guess I do feel full.
No, I was starving half an hour ago.
Oh.
Oh.
No. Certainly you should run if you see a dragon. Certainly.
Okay. I accept your request. If I start to feel dragony, I will tell you to run.
You know, I don’t actually need you to explain this process to me. If I’m a dragon and I don’t accept that I am one – I can figure it out without your help, you know.
You wanna give me some advice? Some tips?
Actually – run!
(The sound of Alice pushing back her chair and transforming into a dragon. Footsteps running away. Mayhem in the office building.)
*
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning is produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
This episode featured Clare Stevenson as Alice.
Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
This was our final episode. Join our mailing list to get up to date with future shows.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)