The Dragoning - Episode Eight
Transcript
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Eight. Ray, Kala and Willie.
(The music sputters out. Sound of a taxi door.)
Ray
Hey hey. I am glad to see you, buddy. Glad to see you. How you doin’?
Oh, yeah. I see that. Real nice bandage you got on your head there. She get you with her claws?
Roller skating? What? Are you guys dating in the 50s? Man, you are just delivering firsts left and right. First guy I’ve met to date a dragon. First victim of a roller skating accident I’ve ever met. You are keeping me guessing, buddy. Keeping me guessing. You’re headed back to Davina, I assume.
Good. Good. You have a good night?
Oh sure. Yeah. I’d imagine. They give you some good pain meds at the hospital?
Sure. Rest will be the best thing for you.
You guys aren’t at the sleepover stage then.
Right. Sure. Probably requires a level of trust between you both. Do dragons transform in their sleep? Do we know this? Like, they’ve dreaming and then poof, dragon and then poof, lunch? I haven’t heard any stories like that but I don’t know – it feels possible, right? Did she say anything about transforming in her sleep?
Sure. Yeah. Right. You’re just trying to have a normal human relationship. I get that. Sorry. You know I’m just curious. Just let my imagination run a little bit wild.
Precautions? Really? Like what?
Sure yeah, you gotta know how to make a quick exit if you have to.
Oh yeah. Front door, back door, window, fire escape. Or a dragon escape! They should rename fire escapes dragon escapes! I mean – it’s not like there are never fires anymore – but a LOT of those fires are dragon related. I tell you what – I wish I’d gotten into the fireproofing business a year ago. I’d be a rich man today.
Oh, yeah. Everyone’s fireproofing everything. This cab’s been fire proofed.
Oh, it’s like a thing they paint over everything. And, like, curtains get dipped in it.
It won’t, like, stop a fire – but it won’t start one at least, you know?
I mean, I’m guessing your date’s got a fireproofed door or you wouldn’t have been able to close it that night or keep it unlocked tonight.
Yeah, if I had a time machine, I’d go back in time a year and start a fireproofing business. For sure.
They’re mostly former firefighters. Nice guys. Wish I’d gotten in business with them.
Nah, nah. I’m happy diving a cab.
Very happy. I’m lucky to have a relatively safe job where I meet interesting people like yourself. It’s just not, like, a get rich kind of job.
Doesn’t everyone?
Sure. Sure. Some just want to, like, go be monks in front of a temple or something. Or like – those dragon worshippers.
Oh, yeah, the Church of the Dragon. It’s a whole new religion. They think that God is a dragon who has replicated herself in her own image on the women of the city.
As far as I know it’s like any other church. I think they get together and sing dragon hymns, hear some preaching and pass the collection plate. I don’t know. Probably it’s like when anything mysterious kicks off, there’s always going to be someone to turn it into a religion. You better watch out – they might start to see you as a saint for dating a dragon.
No. You’re right. Not that I’d tell them. Those folks aren’t the easiest to talk to, for one thing.
Well, the church is over on High Street. I bet you could go sit in on services if you were interested. They are very welcoming to new people from what I understand. They’ve even got some missionaries out on the street.
Oh man, they’re hilarious. They put on dragon costumes and go out and play their tambourines. I don’t know why they think tambourines are the answer.
No, they never are, are they?
So – have you had any special insight into dragonhood now that you’re up close and personal with one?
Aw, come on. Just a little nugget. Your story is keeping me going this week.
No! Scented candles? Seriously?
Wait. Like, there’s actually a theory that the burning of scented candles kept the dragons from manifesting earlier?
Is that why chicks dig those things so much? They’re subconsciously keeping their dragons under wraps? Oh man. I’m going to go out and buy a dozen. Any scent in particular?
Got it. Got it. Pine or Geranium. Wow – who’d have thought?
That explains why you smelled like a forest when you got in here.
Man. I should have gone into the candle business, too, huh? Or created a whole combination scented candle/fireproofing business. Like you fireproof the place – then you light scented candles to prove it. Man, it is such a shame we can’t see the future.
Oh shit, Brent. That is a good idea. That is a damn good idea. Do you know which city Willie said is likeliest to tip next?
Oh shit. Should I move there and start a fireproofing and scented candle business?
Right. I would need some capital, sure. But you’re right – it is a little bit like being able to see the future, isn’t it? You want to go into business?
Sure. Yeah. Home is home. And you don’t want the Dragoning to come to your home. When do you fly back?
No. So soon? How am I going to get my dragon dating stories when you fly back?
You’re right. Somebody’s bound to write something sooner or later. And we’ll all be watching streaming episodes before too long. Might as well be you, Brent. You might not want to get into the fireproofing business – but maybe you want to make some TV.
Ha. You’re right. We don’t believe anything until it’s been on TV.
We’re almost there, buddy.
Do you know if Willie’s working tonight? I’m thinking I might need to have to look at his projections.
No – you’re right. If he was on the day shift, he’s probably off tonight. Look at that – you’re right. That’s not Willie. And who’d have thought – a lady doorman. What are we supposed to call a lady doorman? This new world is a lot to adjust to.
You take care, Brent. Keep your head clean.
*
(sound of dragon roar. Sound of hotel breakfast room.)
Kala
Well, good mornin’, sunshine! I saved a place for you.
No trouble. They actually have a lot of chairs here. I don’t know if you noticed.
One thing I noticed though is that big bandage on your head. Have a run in with a dragon, did you?
I knew it. Those pesky dragons are just like big housecats. You gotta watch out for the claws and teeth.
And the fire. Right.
And the jaws. How’d you hurt yourself so dramatically?
Oh. Eek – roller skates! Death on wheels. I’m glad you survived.
What?
Oh, my/your, new nickname? Well, drumroll please! It’s - Fire Quencher. It’s slightly less violent than expected – but quencher is a fun word to hear over and over. I don’t think it’s going to stick, though. It’s too many syllables. It’ll be reduced to Quencher first and then Quench and before you know it, it’ll be switched to Drench. As in drenched in the blood of their enemies.
Oh, it’s Kala. But you can call me Fire Quencher. Or Quench. Or Drench.
Which do you prefer?
Oh – for both of us, I guess! Let’s choose one for me and one for you.
Drench and Quench. Perfect. We can be twinsies.
How do you feel about slaying dragons?
Really? Against? How curious! A man against slaying dragons? What an oddity!
Yeah. Pretty much. But not you. Why?
Ha! Women?! Hardly. Beasts, sure.
Human beings? Really?! Come on.
But I’m not a dragon.
What do you mean you can’t be sure?
Yes but I’m not.
But I’m telling you I’m not.
But I’m definitely not.
Well a dragon wouldn’t kill other dragons, would she?
I’m not supposed to talk about it.
No, I shouldn’t have said anything.
No. I have not killed a dragon.
What are you, the FBI?
Yeah, okay, Curious George.
You know what – forget “Drench” – you’re Curious George now. It suits you, don’t you think?
Don’t you?
I think it does. I’m gonna try it. I think it might stick.
We’ll get you some bananas – find you a man in a yellow hat to be friends with, Curious George. Do you think all the Georges get called Curious George?
Well, that’s why it works, actually. If your name was George, it would be too on the nose.
I think it’ll stick. Or we could try DragonLover since you’re so into saving them.
So what if I am trying to make you forget what I said earlier? Is it working?
Damn. Me and my big mouth. They should put me back on a plane immediately to stop me talking. Well, thank you. If you’ve got secrets, I’ll keep ‘em for you.
Okay, your dragon loving secret is safe with me, Curious George.
Yeah – meetings. So many meetings these guys like to have. And packets! They’ve given me packet after packet.
I don’t know. I only glanced at them. You want to see one, Curious George?
I was kidding. I can’t show you that stuff. No way.
Because you could be FBI.
But how would I know?
Yes but how could I be sure?
Fine. You can trust that I’m not a dragon and I will trust that you’re not FBI.
It would be just like the FBI to pretend to be from somewhere where they don’t even have the FBI.
I don’t. I just watch a lot of cop shows on TV.
Not really, no. Why would the FBI be concerned about me? Suburban Real Estate in Montana is not really their jurisdiction.
I don’t think survivalists are their concern either.
Maybe the FBI would be interested in you.
I don’t know – maybe we should call them and ask them who they’d like to talk to more. Me or you.
Ha! Yeah. “Yes. This is the Federal Bureau of Investigations. How can I help you?”
“Let me get this straight. You’re asking me who the FBI would be more interested in – a guy from a foreign country who is a dragon-lover or a girl from Montana who sells real estate and skins rabbits.”
“Tough one. I’d say it’s a toss up.”
You could be right.
Oh, him? The guy getting coffee earlier? I thought he was just a trucker. But now that you mention it, that would be a good disguise. Was he paying particular attention to either one of us?
Placing a bug on the coffee maker maybe? I don’t know. What would they do if they were casing us?
But how should I know?
You’re the spy.
I can talk into my sleeve just as well as you. I don’t think you have any surveillance equipment in there at all. I don’t think anyone’s listening and frankly. I’m a little disappointed.
Like I’m gonna tell you where my meeting is today. You think I want to be FBI surveilled?
I know what I said.
Anyway – we’re at some super secret headquarters so it would take some high level spy shit to surveil there.
Well – that’s the point of super secret.
Well – that it’s secret.
Yes. Super secret.
Oh, they search everyone when they come in.
Yes. Even Me.
Well – Curious George –
If you’re angling for an invitation to my meeting, you can give it up already because I am not bringing you.
What do you think this is? You think I can bring a date to a super secret meeting? Like, I arrive and I’m like “This is my plus one?” You think it’s like that?
No. It’s not. And if you’re trying to ask me out by inviting yourself to my meeting, it’s not going to work.
No, no. I absolutely require dinner first if I’m going to invite people to secret meetings.
No, hotel breakfast doesn’t count.
Because they give it to us for free, Drench. There’s no investment in a hotel breakfast.
So where are we going, Drench? I’m free at 6.
What kind of plans? Sorry – it’s none of my business. But I bet the FBI knows what you’re up to. Let me just ask my sleeve here. Oh, they say you’re hanging out with a dragon coven getting ready for a dragon orgy.
Does it? I don’t know. To each his own.
No, no – that’s fine. I’m still here tomorrow morning. You?
Good.
My number? Sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Give me your phone, I’ll put it in.
Ha. Nice wallpaper, Curious George. What is that?
What?! That’s a real bar you actually went to? And a bar for guys has an embroidered sign like that? He-man woman haters club? What is that?
Folks are funny around here. And wherever it is you come from.
Here you go.
Yeah. I figured you wouldn’t know who Kala was – but Quench? I’m the only Quench in your phone. Now you call me so you know it’s real and so I have your number.
Well, I don’t trust my FBI intel, Curious George.
Great. Now you’re in my phone as well.
Well – your full name: Curious George Drench.
If I don’t hear from you, I’ll just see you here around about this time tomorrow.
Enjoy the dragon orgy, Drench.
(sound of dragon roar. Sound of hotel door closing.)
Willie
Glad to see you, too, buddy.
Really? What’s up?
Sure. Former police hat on. No prob.
Yep. Don’t see a soul.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh wow.
Gosh.
I don’t know.
I quit the force before these kinds of questions got really settled. And, I’ll be honest, buddy, the laws haven’t really caught up to the existence of dragons yet. It’s kind of the wild west out there as far as dragons go.
I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t know that you’d get very far by reporting an intended dragon murder. I don’t think that’s a sting operation waiting to happen.
It sounds like you’ve managed to get a fair amount of intel already. So what are you hoping to do?
Stop a dragonslaying, huh? Boy, the tourist experience gets more complex by the minute, doesn’t it? “What’d you do while you were away?” “Oh, you know – went on a dragon tour, went roller skating and stopped a dragonslaying!”
I wish I could help you. A lot of the guys left in the police force aren’t particularly sympathetic to dragons.
I feel like your best bet would be to go to the dragons themselves – if you could find them.
Straight to a dragon? Really. Wow. You work fast, my man. You work fast. Well. I’d give her your intel and let the dragons take care of themselves. They’re pretty tough, you might have worked out. They don’t tend to need heroes.
Is that what you’re after? Become the hero of the dragons?
No. no. I hear you. It doesn’t seem right. I’m sympathetic to their situation. Not sure I’d go so far as to save them – but I admire your conviction.
Sure – you’re right. They’re just sweet young women. But they do have deadly proclivities. I feel like it’s important to keep that in mind. But I absolutely understand. I get it. We all have to find our way through this new thorny world, we all have to grapple with who we feel deserves to live or die. Who do we worry about more, the woman who may be dragon – or the man who may be dragon food? We’ve been trained to protect women, to walk them home, keep them away from harm. What are we supposed to do when they ARE the harm? But only sometimes?
I’m just saying it’s not always clear to me. I saw the damage men were doing before – I suppose it’s high time women got the chance to do some damage.
But if one killed my brother, I might become vengeance myself.
Sorry. We were talking about what to do about this possible dragon slayage – where dragon slayage is not a thing we want.
Oh. Oh. I’ve heard rumors of something called the Dragon Protectorate – there’s some talk among my old buddies in the force. They don’t know what to do about it – but a whole shadow police force makes them very twitchy.
They’re not breaking any laws – it’s just a group of people looking out for the dragons- and there’s nothing illegal about that. But my buddies in the force are on the look out around it.
Yeah – exactly – no one hates vigilantes more than the guys in charge of keeping the peace. It’s both an insult and a challenge to their authority. But of course if they can’t or won’t help a whole swath of the population, they have to expect a shadow force to appear. But you don’t need the ins and outs of law enforcement in the dragon age. You just need to pass your info on to someone who can use it.
I’d suggest asking your dragon contact how to reach the dragon protectorate. That’s the way to do it. Yeah.
No problem. Happy to help. Keep me posted.
*
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
This episode featured Ned Massey as Ray, Nancy Nagrant as Kala and Julian Rozzell as Willie.
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Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
This episode was created in the summer of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.
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Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)