The Dragoning - Episode Six
Transcript
(The first few notes of the piano sound nice and theatre-y but then they start to deconstruct, a bit like a music box going awry. Strings come in. Men droning. Are they monks?)
EMILY:
Messenger Theatre Company presents
The Dragoning
(lots of voices saying The Dragoning. The beat drops. There are some distorted strings or cries in rhythm.)
EMILY:
Episode Six. Willie and Ray.
(The music sputters out. Sound of a bar.)
Willie
Well, this is a surprise. After your night last night, I thought you’d be on a plane by now.
Sure, yeah, those rescheduling fees are a bear, no doubt.
You doing alright? Got the smoke out of your hair? Some aloe for those burns?
Good. Good. I’m real glad to hear it. And I’m very happy to see you here at the Pitcher, too. I bet you didn’t recognize me at first out of my doorman get up. But here I am – just regular Willie, not Doorman Willie. Oh, say, I’m just coming from office hours with my professor, so I just happen to have projections on me. You still interested in looking at those?
I don’t want to force them on you. You are under no obligation to actually look at these if you don’t want to.
Yeah see here – you see this graphic – that’s how it happened here, in terms of reported sightings. And you know that it was going on a long while before there was a sighting. You can see how the growth is just, off the charts exponential. This is us now. Yeah. It’s pretty serious. I guess I’m hoping that this chart will reverse at some point but…
Yeah. So. Here are 7 other cities that have reported dragon sightings – unofficially, of course. Officially this is the only city with dragons – but unofficially? Mmmph. I mean, other cities don’t have a box on their paperwork and no one wants to believe it so…the combination of denial and bureaucratic obstacles, well.
I mean, I’ve seen it first hand. I know how this stuff goes.
We had months and months of missing men before we knew it was dragons.
So – yeah – what we have here are charts of the missing in these seven cities. I was able to track down those numbers with my old credentials – don’t tell anyone.
But yeah, you can see that the missing in these cities are rising. These are the dates I expect a confirmed dragon sighting will occur in each place.
Oh, just that they’re big and I have old colleagues I could call on there. If I had access to the missing persons supports in other cities, I’d add them to the list. The software I’m developing could spit that out in a jiffy – provided I could hook it up to the right data.
This one here. This is the next one, I think. This city has reached a peak level of missing and I would put money on confirmed dragon reports before the month is out. They won’t be able to call us Dragon City much longer, no sir. I do not think so.
Oh hey, Morgan. How’re you doing?
I’ll have another amber, I think. Just real quick. What are you drinking, Brent?
Can I get you another one?
Whiskey, huh? You getting your courage up for something?
A date! Well well well. Come to Dragon City and get lucky. Very nice, my man, very nice.
Here? Oh, man – should I split?
Alright. I’ll keep her seat warm for you for a bit. But I am heading out soon anyway. Where’d you meet her?
No kidding. Here? At the Silver Pitcher? Do I know her?
Right. How would you know who I know? What’s her name? If you don’t mind me prying.
Ashley. Cute dancer works in the box office? Ashley?
Sure I do. She’s a regular like me. Been through a lot here. She’s great. That’s great. I’d love to see her with a nice guy.
Not sure it’s for me to say. But I’ve seen her suffer from some real assholes. It’s been a while, though. She seems sort of buoyed up. Less likely to get sweet talked by some douche bag. I shouldn’t be spilling her business. Just know that I think the two of you are a great idea. Great.
Oh you know how it is – a lot of people end up dating the people they see every day – so she ended up with a lot of self-involved actor types coming through that theatre she works at. A couple of directors, too, I think. Personally, I didn’t care a bit for a single one of them. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any of those guys in a while. Maybe Ashley got the Pitcher in the break-ups. Now she’s going out with you, you might have to stay, my friend. A bright spark like that.
Me? No. She’s not my type.
Well. She’s the wrong gender for one thing.
Nah, man. It’s all good.
I mean, you must be pretty brave to go out on a date so soon after a dragon attack. If I went out with a guy who transformed into something when I was out with him, I’m not sure I’d be back at the bars the next night to meet someone new. So – you know – you’re right back on the horse and I admire that, man. I really do. My hat is off to you.
Brave. Stupid. Sometimes there’s no difference between them in my experience. But let’s go with brave for you. Maybe get you another whiskey. And you’ve got nothing to worry about. Your date is a sweetheart. Oh, there’s Ashley. I’ll say hi to her on my way out. Good luck, my man.
(sound of dragon roar. The sound of a taxi door closing.)
*
Ray
My buddy! I’d have thought you’d be on a plane across the ocean by now! After all your troubles you decided to stay!
And you don’t seem to be newly scorched! Did you manage to get through the night without getting dragoned?
Ha ha! “More or less.” Yeah. I like that. More or less. Even when we’re not getting dragoned, we’re still getting dragoned, am I right?
Man, I am so glad to see you’re alright. If you could have seen your face last night. Oh boy. You were pretty shaken up. I’ve never been to war but I’m guessing that’s what soldiers look like after a battle. Your face might have scared me right off women for a while.
Not you you guess? Are you telling me you’ve been out hooking up with the ladies tonight?
Okay. Okay. Just one. Not the same one as last night, I hope?
What?! Are you kidding me? You went out with a dragon woman after she nearly killed you the night before?
You got some balls. I’m impressed. I saw you last night. It’s not like you weren’t shaken up. I never knew somebody who was struck by lightning and then went to hang out where they got hit. Damn, man. You really did it, huh? You went out with a known dragon?
No, no, I won’t tell a soul. Don’t you worry.
I was just joking around. I didn’t realize I was going to hit on the big old dragon truth there. You mind my asking what it’s like? I mean, I’ve probably been with a dragon or two but just wouldn’t know it, you know. I mean, the odds being what they are. But you went out with her with full dragon knowledge.
Sure you were. I’d have been shaking in my damn boots. But that’s good, that fear’ll keep you safe.
Right. Right. Because she turned dragon due to your lack of it. Right. So now you’ve got it, no problem. And now you’ll have a hell of a story to tell when you get home. Smart man. Smart. But how’d you get your courage up?
Yeah. Whiskey is a miracle, no question. Wait. Wait. You went and got an official apology?
Apology pavilion? What? I never heard of it. I guess I’ve never taken anyone there.
Oh! The Men’s Warehouse over on 12th. I’ve taken a few people there. I thought it looked a lot different than the usual ones.
Right. They don’t want dragon stalkers coming in, night and day.
No, hell, no. No media. Right. So it’s an Apology Pavilion? And you went and got an apology so good you went out with the dragon dame again?!
No, no, don’t worry. I’m not a blabber. I don’t need a bunch of dragons mad at me for squealing on their attempts to make things right. That is not trouble I’m looking for that is for sure.
Well, I’m gonna guess that your filters are a little burned out from the trauma and the stimulation and what if you’re falling in love with a dragon in a foreign country? Long distance is bad enough - but long distance with a dragon?
Sorry. I shouldn’t joke. This could well be your life now. Date a dragon, change your life.
Well, you must like her a little bit to risk your life like that, my man!
You can say that again. You can say that again. I bet you’ve never experienced anything like it before. You and probably no one else in the world, man. You’re like Neil Armstrong, man. First man to land on the dragon! They’re gonna make a statue of you. And when they do, I can finally be like, “Yeah! I drove that guy!”
But you are, man. You’re a pioneer. You’ll be able to write a goddamn book. Or have someone write it for you and you can put your name on the front of it. “How to Date a Dragon.” Well, that’s assuming you survive long enough to get a book written.
Sorry about my gallows humor, my man. I get a little carried away sometimes. I’m sure it’ll all work out and you’ll get married and have little dragon babies.
I know. I know. I’m sorry. But dragon babies would be cute, don’t you think?
Sorry. Do you have plans to see each other again?
No kidding. Tomorrow? You move fast.
Oh. Good point. You’re not here long enough to take anything slow.
I get it. I had a fling on a trip to the Dominican Republic once and I saw her every night. Every glorious night, my man.
Nope. That was it. We tried calling and letters and all that but the fire was out. Ha, fire! Like you were on last night! Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn’t tease you. You’re just trying to get back to your hotel after you date with the dragon who set you on fire.
You don’t mind a little ribbing, right?
Good. Good. I try to keep my jokes in check with the ladies these days so I get a little pent up and then sometimes I go a little overboard. But you’re alright, dragon lover. You’re alright. And I’m glad that you call me because I get to stay up to date with the drama.
Oh, the shuttle? Yeah. They do cut into our business a little bit but I don’t begrudge them. If it helps keep people safe in dangerous situations, I don’t mind losing a few bucks. I really don’t. And they only operate out of a few locations. They won’t come pick you up at your dragon date’s apartment, for example.
No, no, man. Don’t worry. I’m a cab driver not a Dragon Slayer.
Oh, you haven’t heard of those guys? Oh man. Bunch of vigilantes – they stake out dragons and murder them.
Well, they find them in their woman form and get them before they realize what’s happening. They see themselves as heroes ridding the city of danger. But if you ask me, they’re a bunch of dicks.
It’s a dangerous world here now. Hard to know who to trust.
There she is – the glorious Hotel Davina. Hope I see you after your next one, my man. You’re keeping me entertained like nobody’s business.
Thank you. Thank you. And you take care.
(Dragoning theme credit music begins. Strings. Bells. It’s a little creepy but also fun. Like mischievous creatures sneaking around after midnight.)
EMILY:
The Dragoning was produced by Messenger Theatre Company and written by Emily Rainbow Davis
The Dragoning Theme was composed by Scott Ethier
Sound design by Matt Powell
This episode featured Julian Rozzell as Willie and Ned Massey as Ray.
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Messenger Theatre Company is a not-for-profit organization and we are entirely reliant on your support.
This episode was created in the spring of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic with contributors from around the country.
Thank you in advance for making our next episode possible.
Stay safe out there everyone. And watch out for dragons.
(Music resolves.)