Session Eleven Transcript

LEILA: Previously in Session Ten

MARI: The police want to talk to me again.

KACEY: Here’s what I recommend – just so it doesn’t get complicated. Tell them absolutely everything up to just before the ash pile. He creeped you out. You walked out. And that was it.

MARI: The problem is that they really want to find this guy now. They’re all ready to bring him to justice and they can’t find him to bring him to justice so…

KACEY: But before you start to feel bad about preventing them finding him to bring him to justice – there would be no case if your Defense hadn’t acted. Those girls would still be in his basement and the police would still be twiddling their thumbs at the station, not even investigating those missing girls, I bet.

MARI: Of course. Yeah.

LORI: Um. Yeah. I think. I just hit the rage stage.

KACEY: Did you? I’d never have known.

LORI: I could be wrong of course but it was a flood of heat that just went through me thinking about how our world was maybe made out of fear and how it is and how soulless that awful police station is and how many girls might be locked in basements or sheds or someplace and how everyone’s just been fine with that all these years – like we just expect girls to be stolen and victimized and how we have to learn so early how to watch out for ourselves – but at the SAME time we’re learning to be NICE to everyone – so if someone comes to steal you, we’d never dare to shout at him. Like, I only learned how to shout “No” a few weeks ago thanks to Mari – but what if that copy repairman had approached me and like, I don’t know, asked me for help or something – and even if I had a VIBE, I wouldn’t have said No and I could have ended up locked in that basement just like those girls. If I’d just been a little unlucky. And I’ve been a little unlucky but not as unlucky as so many more than me and the fact that almost every woman I know has been traumatized by some man and if they designed it this way? I think, my friends, I think I might start breaking things. Like, if this world is not built for us, then maybe I just need to break it open. Like get a baseball bat or something and just start knocking things over – breaking windows and smashing doors. Does anyone have a baseball bat? Or a crowbar?

KACEY: You’re right. You’re in the rage stage.

LORI: Holy hell! I’m in the rage stage! I’m furious! I don’t know how I thought I was mad before. This is….yes. Very clear.

KACEY: Maybe you all could go to the rage room this evening instead of the diner.

Theme music begins

JACKI: Recorded live at Jalopy Theatre in Brooklyn

Messenger Theatre Company presents

The Defense

This is Session 11

 KACEY: Look at you all, you’re glowing.

BRIA: Rage stage is my favorite.

LEILA: I love that – especially given how hard you resisted it before it hit you.

BRIA: Previously I was a stomp my foot and say “shoot’” sort of girl.

LORI: You were?

BRIA: I was. But I beat that part of myself out with a sledgehammer.

LEILA: It wasn’t a part of you – it was, like a robot that lived in your psyche.

BRIA: And I beat that robot into pieces.

LEILA: You sure as hell did. I am proud of you. And proud of you, Lori. Look at you. You’re a new woman.

LORI: I am.

KACEY: So you made it through the Rage Stage

LORI:  I feel less likely to destroy something with my bare hands but I still feel very angry about some things.

KACEY: That’s normal.

LORI: Is it? I was never angry before.

KACEY: What were you before?

LORI: Oh. Uh. Scared? Sad? Numb?

KACEY: Is it possible under some of those things was anger?

LORI: That would make sense.

KACEY: And if you no longer feel like throwing 20 quilts over the anger, that would be logical.

LORI: 20 quilts?

KACEY: I just mean, covering it up, smothering your voice, your feelings and sensitivity. Twenty quilts on top of you might be pretty but it would make it hard to move or feel anything but the weight of 20 quilts.

LORI: Oh yeah. I was definitely walking around with twenty quilts. No doubt.

KACEY: I sometimes think of the Rage Stage? as just the dramatic removal of those twenty quilts. The just – flinging them off.

LEILA: I don’t think I’ve heard you use that example before. With any of us.

KACEY: Have I not? I suppose it just didn’t seem necessary.

LEILA: It’s right, though. Because  as intense as the Rage stage was – it was such a feeling of lightness when it was over. A sense of freedom or..

BRIA: Yeah. Freedom.

MARI: Freedom from quilts

BRIA: I like quilts.

MARI: But I bet you still don’t want twenty on top of you when you’re trying to move.

BRIA: That is true. I just want one on a chilly night.

KACEY: Oh -Mari - how did your meeting with the police go?

MARI: It was terrifying, of course – but my mission really helped.

KACEY: Oh good.

MARI: Yeah, I chatted up the receptionist before I went in and since I could see her through the window, I just kept checking in throughout the interview. I feel fairly certain she thought I was flirting with her and heck, I may have been. She was kind of cute.

LORI: Did you get her number?

MARI: I totally got her number.

LORI: This is good.

MARI: Who knows? But I can at least call her and ask about any openings in the police department.

LORI: Or openings in her heart department.

MARI: You are the worst.

LORI: Sorry.

MARI: What else could I expect from a champion plate smasher?

KACEY: Ahhh, plates. An excellent choice.

MARI: You should have seen her. She was like a plate smashing machine. Rhythmic. Precise. I

BRIA: plate smashing fury.

MARI: I was partial to the crowbar myself. I like the pry and bust up method.

LEILA: I remember.                           

BRIA: We didn’t see your rage stage, Leila. What’s your style?

LEILA: I really loved breaking one breakable thing with another breakable thing.

BRIA: Mutual smash. Yes. What about you, Kacey?

KACEY: Well – there wasn’t a rage room when I went through my rage stage.

BRIA: Surely you broke things anyway, though? I’d have broken something somewhere if we hadn’t had the rage room.  

KACEY: Absolutely true. The Rage Rooms have saved everyone a lot money.

 BRIA: So…what did you break, Kacey? Come on. We want to know.

KACEY: Ugh. I still feel bad about it – but it was my roommates’ record player – and about half of his records.

BRIA: Oh boy.

KACEY: It was very satisfying at the time and that guy could be a real tool about his records so it’s not a surprise I got a little smashy. But he never forgave me and I don’t blame him.

BRIA: so many moving parts – both delicate and sturdy.

LORI: And the records! Like plates but they break so differently.

KACEY: Some of them snapped in half in a very satisfying way.

LEILA: I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

KACEY: There was one album that was particularly difficult to replace but I managed it in the end. Now – Mari –  was there anything concerning with the police questioning?

MARI: No. I just did as you suggested and told them absolutely everything except for that one thing and it seemed to go okay. I even told them that he gave me a creepy vibe – which was how I justified my need for friends to go in with me to his house.

KACEY: How’d that go over?

MARI: One of them even said she gets vibes herself.

KACEY: They’ve got a woman on the case now?

MARI: Yeah. And it makes a big difference, let me tell you.

KACEY: I can imagine. So you feel okay about the whole thing?

MARI: So far so good.

KACEY: Good. Lori, you need a plate?

LORI: No. I’m okay. I was just thinking about those cops. I guess they made me mad.

KACEY: You’re making real progress.

LORI: Well - now that I know how to feel anger, I keep worrying I’ll small someone but somehow I haven’t needed to. It’s like I’m too angry to small anyone. I’m all contained, like a tornado.

BRIA:. I felt like a hurricane in my rage stage. And walking around with it made me feel invulnerable. I didn’t even need the defense in that state.

KACEY: Sometimes just walking around all stormy like that is all that’s needed to keep the dangerous douchebags at a distance. And even once the rage stage has passed, I think we reach a place where we start to project an energy that repels them. It feels like a funny kind of forcefield.

MARI: Like we’re putting out a vibe?

KACEY: Actually – yeah, exactly. Like – you could feel the copy guy’s danger when you looked at him and If he’d had any sense of perception, he probably would have felt the vibe of your danger, too. But he didn’t. Obviously.

MARI: Watch out for my vibes, dudes.

KACEY: Quite seriously. And – I think the effect is magnified by your cohesion as a group.

BRIA: Like they start to sense all of us?

KACEY: I don’t have the science on this – but I think they start to be able to sense that it’s not just one single woman, that there are dangerous women behind this woman and so she is not to be messed with.

BRIA: Like when I get a lot more nervous about a group of guys standing on the corner.

KACEY: Do you still?

BRIA: Get nervous about a group of guys standing on the corner? Sure – well. Wait. Do I? I used to get nervous that they were going to grab me and – um – assault me – but then once the Defense kicked in, I started to be nervous about them grabbing me or even just cat calling me because I didn’t want to kill them. I guess lately I don’t care that much one way or the other,

KACEY: That is an important development, Bria! Well done.

BRIA: Not caring is a good development?

KACEY: It’s not that you don’t care it’s just that you have better things to think about than what a group of guys is going to do. Believe it or not, a lot of men walk around like that all the time – just not that worried about other people and what they might do. I honestly think it saves them a lot of time and energy.

BRIA: I have had a lot more energy lately.

KACEY: Excellent progress then.

BRIA: Huh. Progress! Me!

LEILA: I’ve been wondering something.

KACEY: Tell us.

LEILA: Is there a limit?

KACEY: What do you mean?

LEILA: Like, can I run out of the Defense? Like, I got a certain number and that’s all?

MARI: Like in a videogame where your powers can run out or something?

LEILA: Yeah.

KACEY: Oh wow. No. No. There is no limit. That would be so cruel if there were! There you are, walking down a dark street without a care in the world because you know you have the Defense and then when something shady comes at you, you reach for your Defense and it just isn’t there? Because you’ve run out? Oh no. No. Gratefully no. Though this does sound like a dream I kept having a decade or so ago. No. There are no limits. The Defense will not run out. It is with you for life. Though I will say, you’ll need it less and less as time goes by.

MARI: Because we get better at putting out a vibe?

KACEY: Partly that. And also – you’ll become less and less of a target as you age. It’s both good news and bad news.

MARI: How is that bad news?

KACEY: Young women are the most vulnerable to bad behavior. It could be just cat calls or more serious. It sucks. No question. But many of us grow to expect a certain visibility and automatic charm out in the world alongside all the horrors. It feels like a terrible bargain. In exchange for the world smiling on you for your youth and beauty, you get stuck with a target on your back.

MARI: But where is the bad news for that going away?

KACEY: The youth and beauty is another kind of power. And when it starts to disappear it makes you less of a target but it also starts to make you disappear out in the world a little bit. It’s not very bad news. But it can be kind of a drag.

MARI: So we’ll get harassed less and have less need for the Defense.

KACEY: Yep.

MARI: That’s all win for me.

KACEY: I thought it would be for me, too.  But youth isn’t only a currency for creeps. And I did start to miss the power of it.

BRIA: Wait, start to miss what? The defense? I thought it didn’t run out.

KACEY: It doesn’t. But when you’ve been told most of your life your value was your youthful charms – you do start to question things when they don’t work quite like they used to. I hated getting catcalled every day and then somehow it stopped and I didn’t like that either.

LEILA: This is when men start complaining that women don’t know what they want.

MARI: Do you want me to catcall you or not?

LORI: Not.

BRIA: Not.

LEILA: Not.

KACEY: Exactly. Categorically. There’s no question. But a man muttered “beautiful” as he passed me the other day and I thought, “Still got it!” Should he have done that? No. Did I enjoy it a little bit? I did. Would I tell him that? Absolutely not. I’m not here for his judgment or approval. But sometimes it’s complicated.

MARI: And that’s what you mean by good news bad news.

KACEY: Yes. But the main point – to Leila’s question – is that the defense will not run out. It will not leave you. If you reach for it, it will be there.

LEILA: But could it go wrong?

LORI: Like a rogue defense?

LEILA: Yeah. Like – you’re just going along and your defense just starts taking everyone out – like everyone’s a threat all of a sudden.

KACEY: You’re running all the possibilities, huh, Leila?

LEILA: My brain does like to work out all the contingencies.

KACEY: I suppose it is possible. It hasn’t happened yet but people with The Defense are people and things can go wrong with people, so I’m sure it’s within the realm of possibility. But to my knowledge it has not happened yet and I think the fact that the Defense generally manifests in nice people is part of the reason there haven’t been any obvious disasters.

BRIA: I don’t know.

KACEY: Some of you, before you had your defense, would have rather gone peacefully to your grave than to make a loud fuss, am I right?

MARI: I am in this picture and I do not like it.

LORI: I would make a fuss.

KACEY: A loud one?

LORI: Mmm. Is squeaking loud?

KACEY: Not usually.

LORI: Then – yeah, maybe not a loud fuss.

MARI: That’s that thing they were saying in that workshop – that even highly trained martial artists were too polite when it came to real conflict.

KACEY: Right. That’s why you had to practice shouting before you practiced kicking, right?

MARI: Right.

KACEY: So now it’s a lot easier for most of us to let go of politeness – but it’s still very much in our bones. We may have been conditioned to be nice and we’re learning other methods  – but it is still what we are.

LEILA: So people with The Defense don’t go bad because we’re too nice to go bad?

KACEY: It’s a theory!

LEILA: That’s crazy.

LORI: But what if I wanted to turn super-villain and I tried to small everyone?

KACEY: I doubt your defense would go for it.

LORI: There goes my ten year plan.

BRIA: Mine, too.

MARI: You would be such a good supervillain team.

LEILA: I’ll be your Alfred.

BRIA: Alfred?

LEILA: Isn’t he the one who organizes everything for Batman?

MARI: Yeah, but Batman’s not the villain in that story.

LEILA: Maybe not – but he’s got a leg up because he’s got an Alfred. For our supervillains to succeed, they’re going to need me to keep their capes organized. That’s why the villains never win.

MARI: Because the heroes have Alfred privilege?

LEILA: Yes! And they have nicer lairs and everything. I feel bad for them.

MARI: I guess one of us goes bad, we all go bad.

KACEY: That’s the other theory about why we don’t see a lot of misbehavior with the Defense.

MARI: The one goes bad, they all go bad theory?

KACEY: No, more that we have such strong communities that it’s rare that anyone ends up isolated enough to go off the deep end. The theory is that in holding space for each other, we keep each other balanced.

LORI: Awww.

MARI: That’s nice.

KACEY: This population has figured a thing or two out, I have to say. And speaking of figuring things out, I think we have to wrap and leave any other things we have to figure out for another time. Affirmation?

MARI: Ready to affirm.

ALL: I am safe but I’m not safe for everyone.

Theme music begins

JACKI:

The Defense is a production of Messenger Theatre Company.

 It is performed by Marcella Adams as Leila, Amber Jessie as Mari, Cosmic Kitty as Bria, Kristen Vaughan as Kacey and Toni Watterson as Lori.

The writer/director is Emily Rainbow Davis.

Sound Design by Matt Powell

Sound Engineering by Daniel Massey

Sound Assistance by Angela Santillo

Stage Management by Ella Lieberman

The Producer is Melvin Yen.

The Defense theme is by Scott Ethier.

I’m Jacki Jing

I am safe but I’m not safe for everyone.