SESSION EIGHT Transcript
LEILA: Previously in Session Seven
KACEY: Let’s take a little survey. Raise your hand if you almost always followed the rules as a child? That’s almost everyone. Raise your hand if everyone called you “nice.” Again. All of us.
LORI: So nice. Ugh. Nice. Voted Nicest for the Middle School Year Book. So nice.
LEILA: In bed.
LORI: There, too.
KACEY: Raise your hand if you ever just went along with things because it seemed easier than making a fuss. Again everyone. You see the pattern, my friends?
LORI: You guys. This is all so weird!
MARI: What do you mean?
LORI: All of it! We’re sitting here discussing the guy that I turned small a few weeks ago. And he’s not the first one I’ve smalled. What is going on? You know? This is all so WEIRD.
KACEY: It IS weird. You’re right.
LORI: I mean. Don’t any of you just ever look around and go, “This is WEIRD!”
BRIA: This is such a fun one, I want some popcorn.
LORI: What are you talking about Bria?!
BRIA: Your This Is Weird freak out is one of the best I’ve seen and I’ve seen a few.
LORI: You all really went through this phase?
MARI: 100%
BRIA: Believe it.
LEILA: You bet.
KACEY: Brutally.
LORI: Okay. I guess it’s a thing, huh?
BRIA: Weird, right?
LORI: So WEIRD!
BRIA: I know!
*
Theme music begins
JACKI: Recorded live at Jalopy Theatre in Brooklyn
Messenger Theatre Company presents
The Defense
This is Session Eight
KACEY: So – how was Sleepless in Seattle?
LEILA: We watched it twice.
KACEY: That good, huh?
LEILA: Well, it was more that our friend Lori here seemed to be doing really well while we were watching it and then descended really quickly as soon as it was over, so we just decided to start over since it worked the first time.
MARI: Yeah, we figured anything else would be a risk, really, and we didn’t want to take the time to figure out another good candidate.
BRIA: Plus, Tom Hanks! Seattle! New York! Cute kids. It’s not so bad!
KACEY: Lori – how are you doing now? Are things less weird today?
LORI: A Lot less. A LOT less. I mean – still weird, of course – All week I’ve had a kind of a weird hangover – like a hangover of weird - but it’s not like the crisis of last week. I mean. Yeah – last week was.
KACEY: Weird.
LORI: So weird.
KACEY: Yeah.
LORI: But I think – in the good news department, it was really great to be so looked out for by everyone. I felt really cared for, even as I descended into the weird.
MARI: It was definitely a thing you found weird!
LORI: Honestly, I still do, a little bit. I’ve never experienced that kind of care before, not from so many people all at once. I don’t want to sound corny or anything but I found it very moving.
BRIA: Awww.
LEILA: I’m touched by that.
MARI: Lori.
KACEY: I’m so glad. It is one of the real benefits of the group, isn’t it? This feeling of support, this sisterhood.
LEILA: It’s new for me, too, really. I mean, I was in a sorority in college and there was a lot of talk about sisterhood but it was all very conditional, you know? if you stepped out of line, oh boy.
MARI: Some sisterhood.
LEILA: I thought I belonged there. I saw it as protection.
LORI: How so?
LEILA: Well – we’d go to the frat parties as a team, you know? The only time we really saw trouble was if someone got separated from the group and then we gathered together to pick up the pieces of that kind of mistake.
MARI: You mean the mistake of being a woman alone at a frat party?
LEILA: They said it was a failure of the group to protect the lone antelope. Like the boys were lions trying to pick us off and we let one escape our herd.
MARI: And it never occurred to anyone that you all could just not go to those parties?
LEILA: We had to! It was the whole point of the system.
MARI: What if the sorority had said they’d stop going to parties until the men stopped assaulting the women who went to them?
LEILA: Never even crossed our minds. If only you’d been there!
MARI: I’d have had a lot of ideas for you.
LEILA: Oh boy, and this buddy system we had!
KACEY: What was it?
LEILA: Well – you weren’t supposed to leave the party without your buddy. Like, you HAD to walk home with her. But sometimes your buddy wanted to hook up with someone and if someone got attacked on the way home or a hook up turned nasty, the group always blamed the buddy, not the man who attacked her.
LORI: Why were you in this group, Leila?
LEILA: I thought it’s what I had to do. I was ambitious, you know? And it was supposed to help with job prospects and networking and all that and it did actually do that, to be honest. Three of the 5 jobs I’ve had, I got because of my sorority sisters. Anyway. Sorry. I just hijacked Lori’s processing of her night of weirdness, sorry.
LORI: You didn’t.
KACEY: We’re here for all of us. Every day. And your stories help all of us, of course.
LEILA: They do?
KACEY: I think so. Anyone else part of a “sisterhood” that wasn’t anything of the kind? (Their hands go up) That’s almost everyone.
LORI: And I’m sure there must be something because it feels familiar but I just can’t think of any specifics.
LEILA: Oh. Wow. Okay. Well. Gosh. Who knew that the Weird Sleepless in Seattle sisterhood would be the most powerful of them all?
KACEY: I had an inkling.
LEILA: You did?
KACEY: These sorts of moments tend to bring a group together, you know? Someone’s weirdness phase or another’s fury moment.
LORI: What’s the fury moment?
MARI: It’s where you just get unaccountably furious about everything.
LORI: Is it dangerous?
MARI: Only if some man crosses your path and happens to think it’s a good idea to mess with you.
LORI: So – like every day, really.
MARI: Yes. But angrier.
LORI: I’m not looking forward to that.
BRIA: I loved it.
LORI: Really? You?
BRIA: I was just so furious I didn’t even question anything for a while. And these ladies took me to a rage room and I had the time of my life.
LORI: A rage room?
BRIA: A magical place where they bring you dishes to break and a sledgehammer with which to smash many things. I got to shatter a computer monitor and it was a dream come true.
LORI: Isn’t it dangerous?
BRIA: You get eye protection and a protective jumpsuit.
LORI: Wow. I don’t think I have that sort of thing in me.
BRIA: You might not yet but it’s coming.
LORI: I’m not into it.
BRIA: Good. It’ll be all the more satisfying when you get there.
LORI: I’m just not an angry person.
BRIA: I know, buddy. Don’t worry about it. It is of not important until it is upon you.
LORI: If you say so.
KACEY: Forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter. Maybe you’ll skip that phase.
MARI: Not likely.
KACEY: Mari.
MARI: Yeah, maybe! You never know!
KACEY: I was just trying to point out that these kinds of moments are when a group really starts to come together.
BRIA: Absolutely true.
LEILA: I’m getting nostalgic about your rage room now, Bria.
BRIA: Hard not to!
LEILA: We don’t have to wait for someone to hit the fury moment. We could just go there for fun.
BRIA: For fun?
LEILA: And release!
BRIA: I am interested. Though, I’m not sure I want to minimize the memory.
LEILA: Think about it.
BRIA: I will. It’d be a much different bonding night than Sleepless in Seattle, that’s for sure.
MARI: For sure.
LEILA: Different, yes. Better? No. Because Lori’s weirdness night was glorious.
BRIA: Absolutely glorious.
MARI: We could also have a movie night without a crisis, you know.
BRIA: What? No.
MARI: Yeah. We don’t have to wait for someone to hit the weirdness phase, we could just hang out and eat popcorn any old night.
LEILA: A very novel idea.
MARI: Just…you know. Sometimes the person at the center of a crisis doesn’t enjoy the night quite as much as the rest of us.
LORI: Accurate.
LEILA: Sorry. Lori
LORI: No, no. It’s fine. It was great – and a really important night for me and I am so very grateful – but it’s true that it wasn’t actually fun.
KACEY: Yeah. Fun and important aren’t really the same, are they?
LORI: Nope.
KACEY: I’m sorry, Lori. It will get easier. Do we -
MARI: I ashed a man at work.
KACEY: Oh dear. That could get complicated – but is absolutely not unheard of. Was it a colleague or boss?
MARI: No, no – that WOULD be complicated. It was the copier repair guy.
KACEY: Tell us.
MARI: Well. I was trying to explain the problem I was having with the machine and he was just not listening and then he did that thing where he tried to blame me for the problem and I just…bloop.
BRIA: Ha ha! Bloop.
LEILA: Yeah – bloop, buddy.
LORI: Bloop!
MARI: I know, right? That’s how it rolls. It’s not…yeah, just – bloop.
LEILA: Bloop. Pile of ash.
MARI: Pretty much. I mean – it sucked because I was indoors and a pile of ash indoors is a lot more noticeable – so you know – sweeping time.
And then the copier is still broken and I’ve ashed the guy who was there to solve that problem. So – new problem – how do I get another copy guy to come when there’s still an open ticket for the first one?
LEILA: Oh boy.
MARI: It becomes an administrative nightmare. And I don’t want to delve too deeply into this guy’s life, you know. I don’t, like – want to dig through his repair bag or call his boss or I don’t know.
LORI: What did you do?
MARI: After dealing with the ash pile, uh, I just – closed the door on the copy room and I went back to my desk and just…tried to get myself together.
KACEY: Wise move.
MARI: Thanks.
KACEY: And that ash pile surely was meant for the ash pile.
MARI: Surely.
LEILA: What’d you do about the copier?
MARI: I just – when my boss asked what the status of the copier was – I just said the guy seemed to have wandered off.
KACEY: How did that go over?
MARI: He was appropriately confused by it – I mean. Basically I told him I’d left the repair guy there to take care of some other business and when I came back, he was gone and he seems to have not returned.
KACEY: Well done.
MARI: And you know – I think part of the reason the Defense kicked in is because we were in a tiny enclosed space, you know? I felt trapped and cornered, even though technically we were in my place of work….it felt like I’d been lured to his cave somehow.
KACEY: I don’t want to get too woo woo –
BRIA: I like the woo woo. Please get woo woo.
KACEY: But I think the Defense knows things. It senses the type who would lure a woman to a cave even if he has not yet done it and maybe doesn’t even have a cave handy.
MARI: I don’t mean a literal cave.
KACEY: Caves are pretty tricky to find in the city.
BRIA: Basements aren’t, though.
LORI: Or attics.
LEILA: Or just any room with a lock.
BRIA: What if he had some ladies locked up? And now they can escape.
MARI: But what if they starve to death in there because he doesn’t come back to feed them?
KACEY: This is all hypothetical, you know.
MARI: Sure. But it feels very real.
KACEY: Real, like you’re really afraid he might actually have some women locked in his basement?
MARI: yeah. Now I’m not going to sleep tonight because I’m going to be worried about them.
LEILA: We can solve this.
MARI: We can?
LEILA: Do you have his repair bag? From his visit?
MARI: I’m pretty sure it’s still in the copy room.
LEILA: Well, maybe it’s got his ID with an address in there. If we’re lucky, his keys are in there, too. And we go and we make sure.
MARI: That’s a good idea, actually.
LEILA: Most likely, you’ll just find a sad underfed dog but then, at least you’ll be able to sleep.
MARI: I’m gonna – yeah – stop by my office and pick up the bag.
LEILA: You want some company?
MARI: Really?
LEILA: Of course. We can’t have you investigating a possible crime scene all on your own!
MARI: Ok great. Thank you.
LORI: You guys going now?
MARI: Yeah, I was thinking I’d just run by there when we’re done here. Does that work for you, Leila?
LEILA: Great.
LORI: I can come, too, if it’ll help.
MARI: Sure the more the merrier for a possible kidnapping rescue.
LEILA: Totally. Many hands make light rescue work.
LORI: Cool.
BRIA: Now I feel like I should come, too!
MARI: You don’t have to, Bria.
BRIA: But what if you all get there and it’s a real thing and you all have this big traumatizing adventure and I’m the only one who wasn’t there? Or if you go and it’s nothing and you all go out for pancakes after and I’m the only one out? I have to come, too. I’m sorry.
MARI: Great. And pancakes sound like a great idea, regardless. Kacey? Is this crazy? You want to investigate a possible crime scene?
KACEY: Well it does sound crazy and I am a little anxious for you but you all are stronger than any bad guy you might encounter.
LEILA: And the bad guy is already ashed! Come along!
KACEY: I better not. Just in case you all run into trouble and you need someone to bail you out. Not that I think you’re heading into trouble. Just that you might get a little crazy hyped up on those pancakes!
BRIA: Pancakes are the gateway to trouble. I always knew it.
MARI: Right. We’ll all fit in my car, I think. We’ll hit my office and then hopefully we’ll have an address to check out this guy’s house.
LEILA: I’m pretty confident we can find this guy.
MARI: Uh – I’m pretty sure you won’t find this guy.
LEILA: Oh! God! No! Sorry. Find this guy’s house! Find his house!
MARI: Yeah. Cool.
LORI: Do you think we’ll actually find something there?
MARI: Probably not. Probably there’s nothing there. But- my bad feeling meter just needs me to check.
KACEY: It is vitally important that you all keep a close eye on your bad feeling meters. This is an unknown situation you’re heading into. I’m going to ask that you hightail it out of there if your bad feeling meter starts to talk to you.
MARI: We will.
KACEY: I’m on call for you and I’ll just see you next week.
BRIA: Unless we get crazy on pancakes and you have to bail us out.
KACEY: Right. Unless that happens first. Good luck out there and certainly call me if you need me.
MARI: Got it. You all ready to get crazy in my Subaru?
BRIA: Whoooo!
Theme music begins
JACKI:
The Defense is a production of Messenger Theatre Company.
It is performed by Marcella Adams as Leila, Amber Jessie as Mari, Cosmic Kitty as Bria, Kristen Vaughan as Kacey and Toni Watterson as Lori.
The writer/director is Emily Rainbow Davis.
Sound Design by Matt Powell
Sound Engineering by Daniel Massey
Sound Assistance by Angela Santillo
Stage Management by Ella Lieberman
The Producer is Melvin Yen.
The Defense theme is by Scott Ethier.
I’m Jacki Jing
I am safe but I’m not safe for everyone.